To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

[Mittens1969]

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

caringcarer I would be relieved they weren't in the car accident with me, and I would be happy that they weren't having deal with the stress of even a minor accident, but were relaxing in a safe environment.

Surfred you could be unconscious and 8 year old home alone frightened to death for hours if you taken to hospital.

Until he was 14?!

Do childminders even look after teenagers? You can't get childcare for anyone past 9 here (and that's limited to before and after school clubs)

I wouldn't do it at 8. Adults at the door or something unusual happening and things go awry. I have a very sensible boy and I had gone over the rules of the house repeatedly. Someone came to the door, while I was upstairs and he knew not to answer. Instead, he opened the downstairs window and had a face to face conversation.

My point is that even if you go over every scenario you can think of. I think 8 is too young. Now, my son is 10 almost 11. He has a much better understanding of the world and what is happening around him. He admitted to me that the first time I left him to walk the 5 minutes to collect his sisters from school he was terrified. The idea is always better than the actual. He is now comfortable doing it, but at 8, there isn't the understanding to be worried about what could happen and therefore they can't understand the issues that being alone entails.

Sorry, that was a bit of a waffle answer. I would say no and look at it when she is 9.

14, half an hour! Wow!

If you are in a car accident bad enough to mean you are unconscious, you are seriously saying you'd prefer your child to have been in the car as well, as opposed to safe at home, if perhaps a little scared?!!!! That is the most screwed up logic I have heard in a while. If the accident was bad enough that you are unconscious, you do know your child quite likely would be as well?!!!

At 3, my DD could quite happily phone or skype the extended family for help, let alone at 8 and even then, yes I would very much my child be safe elsewhere than at best having to sit there and deal with me being unconcious and at worst being injured myself.

Seeing how upset DD got simply on seeing me in hospital with relatively minor injuries, the harm of actually seeing me injured and without being surrounded by medical attention would, if I actually thought it a risk of happening, encourage me to leave her behind!

If that is genuinely your fear, the discomfort caused of having to deal with an injured parent is more than the discomfort of being on their own for a bit longer than expected!

Why would the child be left home alone scared for hours if you did have an accident? You would have told them that they could call their dad/granny etc or go to a neighbour's house if there was any problem.

The people who catastrophise about hypothetical situations in which the parent can't get home or make a phone call always have to tie themselves in knots to explain why it would have been better for the child to also be involved in the hypothetical accident/ situation than safe at home. More importantly they utterly ignore the fact that knowing what to do if your parent doesn't come home as expected is a prerequisite for leaving the child in the first place.

It's blindingly obvious that before you leave a child you teach them where to go for help, how to use the land line, where to locate numbers and to memorise emergency numbers, what to do in a fire, what to do in all the less far fetched possible minor emergencies which could be moderately plausible in your personal set up.

That's teaching life skills and self care and is part of parenting.

It's vastly easier to do everything for children than teaching them how to d things for themself and look after themselves, and to think a little bit, in all areas of life, which is why parenting or teaching isn't the same as babysitting...

I think it depends on the child. When I was 10 I would walk home from school by myself and stay home until my parents got home from work. During the summer I stayed home by myself from when they left for work until they got home. I was very responsible child. I would know what to do if there was a fire, I kept the doors locked and didn't open them. I answered the phone and if it was someone I didn't know. I told them my parents was busy, could they call back later or could I take a message. I knew how to operate the microwave so could make myself food.

Next year when I was 11, I even watched my 6 year old little sister and took care of her.

I left my 7yr old (yr3) for about 40 mins this morning.
She's off sick and I had to take the younger ones to school.
Left her cuddled up with ddog1, mobile, warm drink, iPad and hot water bottle plus strict instructions not to do anything until I got back.
All was fine but she is extremely sensible and independent. I would have dragged DS1 with meat that age.

With me at that age!

Surfred you could be unconscious and 8 year old home alone frightened to death for hours if you taken to hospital.

What an utterly bizarre and distorted perspective!

Surely your DC being 'worried to death' at home for a couple of hours is better than your DC experiencing, you know, 'actual death' or serious injury in that car accident (which is the likely outcome if you were with her in the car when that hypothetical accident occurred).

I have decided that 8 years old is too young, and I don’t want to risk it. It’s been useful to clarify things in my head. I’ll think about it again when she starts year 5; and the advice to leave her at home whilst I walk down the road to the post box is great, I’ll try that whilst also making sure she knows how to call us or the emergency services. I think she’s well capable of both now actually.

She actually wouldn’t be home alone for hours in the event of me having an accident; my DH would be on the way home and she would only be alone for half an hour at the most. And we get on well with our NDNs (our DDs play together) and with friends 3 doors down (the youngest DD is my DD2’s best friend).

But I actually don’t have confidence that she wouldn’t worry about where I am; asking to stay at home alone and the reality are 2 different things.

I started leaving my daughter at 8. I don't see a problem with it.

I just tell her to knock on the neighbours or call me on my mobile.

Just been speaking to MIL who is a foster career. The social doesn’t let carers leave children under the age of 14. Apparently that is only if the child is fostered though

Srush the rules for foster carers really are totally irrelevant though - children in foster care will almost certainly be more vulnerable than average and have by definition got to be treated differently, and a foster carer has (officially) got to cover their arse in absolutely every eventuality, as well as often only having known the child a short time in many cases and often not having all their background information.

Your mum can't just ask you to babysit a foster child unless you've been screened and officially approved, but she could for her own birth child and not even the oft quoted nspcc would fault her.

It is totally different for a looked after child, such as one in foster care though.

'The social'
Fucking hate that term

I know it seems extreme. I was just bringing it up has in their eyes this is the rule for foster kids. But yes she had two of her own n they were left much younger

I would leave her for that long, if she was happy and had numbers and rules in place (ie don't open door, dont use knives/kettle/toaster) but I wouldn't go off in the car. If you were in an accident/car broke down/traffic etc it could all unravel quite horribly... I am a big believer in starting little bits of independence though - popping out for five minutes, then ten etc. But it won't hurt her to learn time-keeping (ie hurry up with dinner and tough luck with the program) as well as independence. We've only taught independence well in this house, time keeping is shocking! The law is woolly and 13 is a guideline. Fine until something goes wrong I'm afraid and then they'd be at your door...

For 15-20 minutes I would and have.

If the child wants to stay alone, can be trusted to follow instructions, knows not use anything in the kitchen and knows where to go for help if they need it then I don't see a problem.

I'm a social worker and I would advise very different boundaries with children in foster care than I would with my own child. Likewise I wouldn't advise parents of children on child protection plans to parent the way I parent my child. Circumstances are different.