To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

[Mittens1969]

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

My youngest is 10 and I've only really left him alone a couple of times. I wouldn't have left him alone at 8.

I think we get so conditioned to feeling we can't ever leave children alone, it feels like a massive step to do it.

Imagine all the creeps that knock on the door “selling windows” asking are your parents home? etc etc

Imagine all the harm that could befall your child when she's out with you.... a fatal
collision whilst crossing the road! A terror attack! A vicious dog mauling her to death! You have a heart attack while driving and she dies whilst desperately trying to get hold of the wheel!

Best never come out from under the covers!

It's a bit young. What if (God forbid) you had an accident? Also, would she know what to do in an emergency if she was at home alone?

I had this dilemma just a few days ago. My DS is 8 (almost 9). He wanted to stay at home watching his favourite tv program, while I collected my older DS from his guitar lesson. Round trip including pick up of 6-9 mins in the car. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave him, I didn’t feel at all comfortable at the though of leaving him. So I took him with me.

8 is young, but only you know if your child is ready to be left.
My dd was 9 when I popped out for 10/15 minutes.

Too young. I tried it ONCE. She got a nose bleed, called dh at work, who said "tip your head back"

Blood came out of her mouth and she thought that she was dying! 15 minutes of terror and hellish fear.
Nothing is worth that.

Plus thinking about it she’s never really had to be alone much cos I spend so much time in the house due to disability. I sent her to shop from being about 9 but I feel at least people are around and cctv. Where as the house is a bit of a secret place depending on where you live.

The safety aspect that would be frowned upon is if you were aware of anything that could be a danger e.g. an open it unguarded fire, likelihood of using cooker/microwave, choking if eating, going outside to somewhere dangerous say you had a pond in your garden. The legal bit is "if you were aware". Therefore if all safe, child is aware of dangers e.g. opening doors to anyone then very little risk legally. However what can happen to you whilst out is another matter. Ever caught in traffic causing delay, ever been involved in accident causing delay, ever been ill when driving, ever had person being picked up delayed. You have to take the whole picture into consideration before making such a decision.

no I'm paranoid though I think of stupid stuff like what if I crashed and dd8 would be home alone then you'd get in trouble for leaving her home alone

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25

Me too. Think of this stuff all the time although she stays at home now and has done for a while. My thoughts are always there n I know I need to let her have independence but I’m a paranoid anxious person for myself and even more so about my children.

I've started leaving DS age 9 for about 15 minutes while I pop down the road to collect his sister. Many of his classmates are now walking to school and back by themselves. Like others have said I want him to start feeling more independent and take responsibility for himself. By the time he starts secondary and has to walk himself to school and back, he will be only just 11 - so I have a lot of work to do between now and then to get him more independent. Part of that is how he perceives himself - and by me giving him a little bit of freedom by being in the house for 15 minutes on his own demonstrates to him that I trust him.

I have had conversations with both of my older children that with more independence comes more responsibility - they go hand in hand - so if they want the longed-for independence they have to demonstrate responsibility, and vice-versa - if I want them to be responsible I have to offer them a little independence.

Only you know your child and your area but I think 8 too long. Not sure my dd would have willpower not to open door for example or know what to do in a crisis.

I think it depends on maturity and circumstances. My DD is 9 next month and I may consider leaving her (though haven't yet) for a short period of time like this BUT she is quite mature and we know all our neighbours so she could call on them for help.

Maybe I'm slightly biased though as by tthat age I'd been home alone before and after school for a year as a child....what a different era that was (early '80s)!

coconuttella exactly!

Some of the what ifs are ridiculous because the what it's of leaving the house are ignored! Most of the rest are ridiculous because decent parenting involves preparing your kids for mundane every day minor "emergencies" before you leave them alone, and building up slowly by leaving them when you don't need to and walking to the post box or whatever so that they are not terrified by being thrown in at the deep end!

Surely it's embarrassing to have an 8 year old who doesn't know what to do practically by instinct in a lot of these situations. A grown man who thinks tipping your head back when you have a nose bleed is the right thing to do and tells his child to do that is also an embarrassment to himself! Presumably the child would have had exactly the same problem if he'd been home in sole charge!

Surely it's embarrassing to have an 8 year old who doesn't know what to do practically by instinct in a lot of these situations.

Not in the slightest. How sad that you would be embarrassed because your child didn't know something.

I would do this, sounds fine to me.

Soup embarrassed as a parent not to have taught them age appropriate self care.

I'd be embarrassed if I hadn't taught my child how to deal with those things by 8 SoupDragon I'd consider that failing in my job as a parent. The shame isn't that your child doesn't know something, it's that you haven't taught them - if I tried to teach her but she wasn't ready and didn't 'get it' by 8 I wouldn't be embarrassed by that because I tried and I'd just keep trying but not to try is embarrassing in my book.

Really depends on the child. I have a 10 year old that is more mature than her 16 yo sibling!

If anything happened it would be frowned upon but so are a million things hat parents do 'wrong' nowadays. If you're happy she's safe and you've done everything you can then I agree it would build her confidence to be able to stay.

If it was raining and she came with you, would she stay in the car alone while you dropped her? It's the same but the car would be less secure, she'd be better off at home

A friend od mine went e to the school because they were worried about an extremely immature 8year old being left twice a day whilst parent dropped off and college yes younger sibling from nursery.The school got advice from the child proteCtion people at the lea that this was OK

I'd be embarrassed if I hadn't taught my child how to deal with those things by 8 SoupDragon I'd consider that failing in my job as a parent.

It's amazing that I have three confident, independent teen/preteen children given how badly I've failed as a parent then.

Fact of the day: there is no one right way to parent.

That is true, and my way is to teach independence early as that is what is expected where I live so I would personally feel like I am failing if I don't try that but my way is of course not the only way. The main thing is that we all raise confident adults by adulthood, whatever route we take.

Agreed, a big part of the problem is no one trusts their neighbors anymore. A kid should trust their neighbor enough to get out and bang on their door if there’s a fire or their parents are late. I’ve always told my kids to get help from neighbors if I’m not there and something bad happens.

I think ds was about 10 before I left him for longer than it took to post a letter, the letter box is about 5 minutes round trip walk away.

I always thought I could have an accident, and that was what worried me, rather than him doing anything silly.

Also, we have a lot of cold callers in our road despite being a no cold calling zone. Even last week I was going out to collect my husband from the station and saw someone knocking on doors down the road and was uneasy. He's nearly 15 now! He wouldn't answer the door but he could be seen from outside if he's sitting in the lounge. I did hear about a story this week where someone was coming round about the electoral roll declarations. A boy of 12 was on his own and ignored the doorbell when it rang. But he lived in a flat, and the guy got into the flats, banged on the door in an agitated way and then the boy opened the door because he thought there was an emergency. And then was threatened with a fine of £1000! But it could have been someone with malicious intent.

Have you thought how you would feel if you had car accident and your dc was home alone for much longer. It is not worth risk. I made my ds go to child minder after school for 30 mins u til I got home u til he was 14.