To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

[Mittens1969]

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

Seems ok to me. As for the car accident scenario, i never get that. Surely you'd prefer your child safe at home than in your car if it crashes?!!!

Ive left my 8.5 year old whilst i have picked my car up from the garage, which is 100 metres down the road, i was gone 15 minutes. He was given strict instructions not to answer the door and if he was worried to go nextdoor, but then my ds is mr health and safety and likes to follow the rules......all the time!

As for the car accident scenario, i never get that. Surely you'd prefer your child safe at home than in your car if it crashes?!!!

You don’t get that he child would then be left alone for potentially a very long tine in that scenario?

goodness, no wonder kids are so late to establish independence now.

I always laugh at these comments. Independence doesn’t equal being alone. Neither do you need to leave young children at home to teach it!

Britt op said 15/20 mins total, not each way. I started leaving DS at the end of year 4 when I took DD to a group, being out the house for approx 15mins. So he was 9. You're nearly there! You need to feel comfortable doing it or you might panic while you're out.

frogsoup- most car crashes are thankfully minor.

However they do take time and effort at the scene. Last year a guy ran a red light, hit the front of my car as I was going through a junction. Traffic was slow moving. No -one was hurt.
Although the other party was eventually found to be 100% at fault at the time he felt he was in the right and wanted to call the police.
We had to exchange details- I also had to get details of witnesses that saw the accident.
I didn't want to leave the scene as the police had been called.
By the time the police arrived, took details, phoned my witnesses etc an hour and a half had passed.
I had only popped out for 10 minutes.

This wasn't a serious accident. Most accidents are not serious but are time consuming to deal with.

I have a year 4 8 year old and I wouldn't

I leave my DD9 at home for local drop offs. She knows my number off by heart, the rules - don't use anything in the kitchen and don't answer the door and what to do in an emergency - go to the neighbours all of whom she knows well.

I think DS was about 8 when I left him for very short periods of time. Strict instructions to watch tv only, could use the phone no problem to call me or GPs and mum lived two streets away and I always checked she was home and knew what was happening. Wasn't allowed to answer the door or make any food or drinks. I also called him at the half way point and said I was setting off back.

Then we slowly built on that.

fine IMO, as long as the 8yo is sensible, happy to be left, and has been briefed on basic rules
(mine at that age were no making a brew, no internet while I'm out, don't answer door, get out if the smoke alarm goes). Give her a time (say 30mins) after which she should call you, and if no answer call another relative or neighbour.

I would say no, although I sympathise! My almost 8 year old answered the door to a stranger the other day (I was in the house) and asked him in! This is despite the fact that he knows he shouldn't do this. I don't think an 8 year old can really evaluate a situation safely. I don't want to hijack the thread but wanted to ask - do you think it would be ok to leave an 8 year old with his (sensible) 13 year old brother for a similar amount of time?

All these parents who would NEVER do such a thing, I hope you enjoy your 30 year old children still living at home

Don't be ridiculous.

I would never have left mine alone aged 8 for the journey the OP mentions and I have confident, independent adult/teen/preteen children.

I can't remember what I did with the older two but I know I started leaving DD when I went on a quick trip to the supermarket when she was 10. For me it was more what the scope was for me being delayed significantly - a trip to DSs school, for example, was far more complicated with busier roads so she had to come with me then.

At 9, I did and do. My DD is extremely sensible and would be able to wassap her father in case of emergency.

But I really know that she is fine for 1/2 hour or so.

8? I think I popped to the shop a few times, when she really didn't want to go/doiong her homework.

I think 11 is too old! By then DD will be walking to school alone and going out to the local shops alone.

I have just started leaving my nearly 11 year old.
Only for 20-30 minutes if I need to pop to supermarket for milk or drop/pick up one of the others from somewhere.
The first couple of times it was only 5 minutes between me going and DH coming back etc

Our numbers are programmed into the phone and we practise making calls.
When I go out I go over the ‘rules’ each time so which neighbours are likely to be in, no cooking, no sharp knives, no running around, no showers/baths (not that he would anyway!!), don’t open the door, only answer the phone if it’s us or family, no going outside (had to add this one in as DH came home once to find him on the trampoline!! 😱) o has told him not to go out the front unless an emergency but I hadn’t explicitly said no going in the back garden!!
I also go over what to do if fire, injury etc.
I also tell him a time to start ringing us/family if we are not back.

It does depend on the child. DS1 follows the rules ALL the time (mild ASD) but I can’t see leaving DS2 at the same age as he would be up to all sorts.

I would say that it is a slippery slope, you get used to leaving them for 5 minutes so next time it’s 10 and so on and the child then knows they can be left so then want to be left ALL the time

I think 8 is ok if she is basically sensible, but would start with a walk round the corner or something closer.
In Germany the guidance is that by the age of 8 a child should be able to look after themselves for TWO HOURS on their own.

It's too young. Year 6 was the rule here.

I think it depends on the child's maturity.
My son is 9 very soon and I haven't left him alone.
However, I have left him with his 14 year old sister.
Didn't go down well on MN.

I leave my 8 yr old for exactly the same reason - gone 10-15mins max. He knows how to call me and he also knows to get out of the house in an emergency/fire and to knock on the neighbours doors. The front door is locked and he knows not to answer to anyone. He is very sensible though. Not sure I’ll ever leave his younger sister as she is a liability.

Depends on the child and whether they undertand the rules and are going to follow them. I left my dd for 15 to 20 mins when she was nearly 8, and I leave my 7.5 year old now for the same amount of time.

I've started to leave my 8 yo (nearly 9) at home for short periods like this. She loves the responsibility and this, and similar, has increased her confidence.
If she's watching tv, she will be in exactly the same position once I come home.

allegreto I have left my almost 9 year old with his almost 13 year old very sensible sister for short periods

Not at 8
My eldest is 11 and I have over the last few months left him for 10/15 mins while I am ferrying his younger brother to activities. Trying to get him ready for next August when he starts high school and will be getting a key.

I did. I used to leave ds on his own whilst I took dd to an activity and vice versa. He's 10 now. He plays Lego, watches Netflix, even makes himself a cup of tea. He has his mobile to ring me.

Dd is 12. When she was 11 I got stuck in traffic gridlock taking ds to Cubs. I was well over an hour. When I got in, she'd started baking her own tea of fish fingers, beans and gad peeled a pan of potatoes for mash. I was really proud if her.

She's now in Y8 and so mature and independent. Ds walks home from school on his own (and it's for than a 10 min walk) I don't regret leaving them for one minute.

I've left DD aged 6 for about 2 minutes a couple of times to run to the shop five doors away when I've run out of something (don't have to cross any roads).

At eight I'd leave her for about ten minutes but again only to places where I could walk and she'd know where to find me if I was held up.

I think driving introduces too many risks, you may get in to an accident or more likely someone else has an accident or a traffic jam will hold you up. A 20 minute car journey can easily turn into an hour if a car breaks down or some tit rear ends someone on your route. Too risky and I say that as someone willing to take the odd calculated risk.

It depends on the child, but I left DD at home from eight while I went to the local shops. Normally gone 10-15 minutes and on foot not in the car so no risk of getting stuck or being in an accident.