To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

[Mittens1969]

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

NSPCC guidelines are for around the age of 12 or how you feel they would cope

The 12 in respect of the NSPCC guidelines is for being left alone for a long period of time, it is not for being left alone for a short period of time, there is a difference.

Do the people saying 12 really not let their children out of their sight, or is there some huge difference about being alone outside of the house and alone inside their own home?

Haven't read the whole thread but we are starting to think about this for our 8 year old. We have started going through safety with him and what he could or couldn't do. Think we will build up to leaving him for 10 mins for a while and see. I'm pretty sure I was 9 when I was left alone for short amounts of time here and there. I worry when people say they wouldn't leave their 11 year olds alone though as when he's at secondary school in year 7 and is 11 he will need to walk home from school and let himself in and be on his own for an hour or so, so he needs to start building up independence.

Migraleve never leaving a child alone doesn't magically guarantee that they won't face an emergency. The adult with them could have an accident (fall down the stairs and be knocked unconscious, slip in the shower) or illness (heart attack , fit, asthma attack) and the child would have to face it. There is no magic age that fits all children and all circumstance but if their parent believes they couldn't cope in an emergency then they aren't ready.

Migraleve never leaving a child alone doesn't magically guarantee that they won't face an emergency.

Of course it doesn’t. It does however eliminate certain risks.

Britt I don't think there is any making the child stay home alone going on - the op's child is requesting (frequently) to be allowed to stay home and not to be made to go with her mother to drive her sister to her social activities

I wasn't implying that the op is making her child stay at home, goodness me. I was responding in general to those who have commented that seem to be insistent that independence comes through being left alone.

I agree. But not at 8 years old. Completely unnecessary

Why???

Why???

Equally why is it necessary?

Its necessary, for the children that are ready, to build their confidence and skills ready for adulthood. That tranistion starts in childhood, carefully building those blocks that eventually make an independent adult. Why would you think thats not necessary?

I have an 8 year old dd and I wouldn't. Teaching children risk assessment is part of parenting womb yes, but it is possible to raise confident, responsible adults without taking unnecessary risks with an 8 year old. I have 3 grown up dc and a teenager who are all very capable, responsible, and independent. To suggest otherwise is utter tosh.

I think independence does come with being left alone abit though? There isn't a "legal" age but depends on the circumstances.

Sensible, confident 8 year old in safe neighbourhood with present neighbours she knows well - fine

Skittish, nervous or naughty 8 year old in remote farm house or crime ridden estate - maybe not.

I am risk averse but struggle to see what the actual risk is in leaving my 8 year old on the sofa for the 20 minutes or so as I ferry round her sister locally.

Its necessary, for the children that are ready, to build their confidence and skills ready for adulthood. That tranistion starts in childhood, carefully building those blocks that eventually make an independent adult. Why would you think thats not necessary?

I never said it wasn’t necessary to build skills or confidence. I never said it wasn’t necessary to start building towards the transition from child to adult. What I did say was that in order to do so it was unnecessary to be left home alone at 8 years old.

I started leaving DS1 at 9, whilst I did a 10 minute round trip dropping DS2 at a club. I was no more than a mile away and our neighbour knew that that DS1 was alone. He was very sensible though, DS2 is now 8 ( 9 next month) and he’s got a lot of growing up to do before he’s left!!!

What I did say was that in order to do so it was unnecessary to be left home alone at 8 years old.

And again, why?

Well sometimes its just necessary because parents need to work and childcare isn't always available. 8 is a good age anyway for building independence, they tend to follow rules to the letter at that age.

Well sometimes its just necessary because parents need to work and childcare isn't always available. 8 is a good age anyway for building independence, they tend to follow rules to the letter at that age

What age are you leaving them to spend a full day at work?

I'd never leave anyone for a whole day under the age of 12, possibly 11 for a whole days work.

I have started to with my nearly 9 year old.
we have to do running about for the family business at night, its normally just a bit of running here and there in the car, its a ball ache and boring. Its never for long say 10/15 minutes maximum. We give her the choice, sometimes she comes sometimes she stays. She knows not to answer the phone or the door, not to do anything and how to contact us, by phone or message on the iPad.
Its not often, maybe once a month that she choses to stay and is completely fine when we get back .

What age are you leaving them to spend a full day at work?

Not a full day but if school finishes before your work day finishes then they need to be alone. DD's school finishes at one o'clock for instance (though my work finishes at two and it takes her nearly an hour to get home anyway)

I'm in a very international area, not in the UK.
Looking round, the British parents give the kids less freedom. So I won't let my 6 and 8 yr olds go to the park on their own - it opens onto a car park with no barriers other than a kerb. Most people will from about 5 yrs old. And yes, I've patched up several kids there.
6yrs+ swimming without an adult - not a fecking chance. There is no lifeguard, i take a friend when I want to go swimming.
I'm also "late" to the leaving them to walk to the school bus on their own (no way!, others from 5). School will let them out of the classroom to go find their bus from age 6 (Y2). Most of them are perfectly happy with this - especially if they have already done the route for 2 years from reception-where the rules are an adult must collect from the TA. I would know within 30 mins if there had been a problem coming home. I might not know for hours if there was an issue going to school.

I've just started leaving my 8 yr old while I'm 5 mins walk away at a class with his little brother.
If DH is going to be late home, sometimes he comes with me for a bit before I give him the front door key, and let him walk home alone, let himself in and wait 15-20 mins for a parent to come back. Again, I'm late to this for where we currently are. Obviously way ahead from a UK perspective.

The UK has a very different attitude to a significant amount of the rest of the world - tho interestingly, the Finnish family I know are more like me in their attitudes, which is different to Natsku's perspective. There is no right or wrong, bug the uk way usnt the only way.

I left my 13 ds alone and he ended up slicing his thigh open with a knife and had to call 999! I raced home to paramedics in the house and a trip to hospital. When I told the paramedics that he was NEVER being left alone again until he was 30, they philosophically told me not to let it put me off leaving him!!! Don’t really know if this experience helps or hinders the dilemma!!

Kat as you're sort of hinting in an on the fence way that could equally have happened to a 30 year old home alone :o

In fact I dramatically sliced the base of my thumb open with a Stanley knife when home alone one evening - age 22 when I took it under my head to check what kind of flooring was under the carpet in the flat I'd recently bought and moved into, and as I was going to replace the carpet anyway I was too impatient to take the carpet up properly. There was a lot of blood... I compounded it by deciding not to go to A&E as I didn't want to be stuck there all night, and bandaging it up myself - when I did see a doctor because it wasn't healing well it was too late to avoid the scar I still have two decades later... There wasn't even alcohol involved...

Plenty of normally capable adults have managed to injure themselves in even sillier and worse ways home alone, but they are not then court ordered to move back in with their mums!

I started this at 10, 8 was a touch young for me to feel comfortable

Plenty of normally capable adults have managed to injure themselves in even sillier and worse ways home alone, but they are not then court ordered to move back in with their mums!

I think it’s more about knowing how to cope both physically and emotionally with the accident rather than a case of accidents happen to everyone.

An 8 year old is not a mature, rational thinking adult. It’s bad enough for adults when things go wrong, but it’s a huge pressure to put on someone who should be playing with toys without a care in the world.

God if the tv is on my 8 year old is glued to it - she would not fry an egg or use a sharp implement. You would really bustle her on a pointless (for her) car trip to take her sister to guides rather than nestled watching the next step for 20 minutes?

I agree, Kerala1, or else she’ll be on the iPad and would probably hardly notice when I tell her I’m taking her sister to Rainbows. I was just thinking when nagging her to get her shoes on and come to the car, what is the flipping point of this? All she’s going to do is have her eyes glued to the screen anyway.

I would, and have, left mine from 8 for short periods (10-15 minutes).

This risk aversion for 8 yos does them no favours!

In the unlikely event there was a fire, they'd be able to get out... they're not 2 ffs!

As for those worried about you being involved in an accident.... well in the unlikely event, far better than your child isn't also caught up in it and injured or worse! Better alone for an hour in the home than seriously injured in hospital!