To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

[Mittens1969]

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

Of course it doesn’t. It does however eliminate certain risks.

And create others, such as them being involved in a road accident.

I think some people have no idea about the level that SS get involved.... They seriously couldn't give a shit if you left an 8 yo in a house for a few minutes while you popped out.

All these parents who would NEVER do such a thing, I hope you enjoy your 30 year old children still living at home

How ridiculous

I didn't leave mine on their own until they were around 10/11. They both left home at 19 to go to uni and spent their gap years travelling the world!
There's no reason at all that you'd need to start leaving a child at 8. All those saying "do it or you're a helicopter parent" are just trying to justify their own parenting which the vast majority of parents, would disagree with.

coconutty 20 minutes is not "a few minutes"

Absolutely not.

No, 8 is too young.

Answer yourself this-if anything untoward happened to her would you (and your DH, parents, friends) blame you for leaving her? At 8 they would have good reason to.

I think some people have no idea about the level that SS get involved.... They seriously couldn't give a shit if you left an 8 yo in a house for a few minutes while you popped out.

Unless something happens and you are then judged to have left your child at risk of injury or harm and could be prosecuted for neglect.

I didn't leave mine on their own until they were around 10/11.

At that age most children are starting secondary school and making their own way to school.... There are far more "dangers" to travelling to and from a school, often many miles, autonomously than spending 20 minutes in a safe and secure house, able to make a phone call to you if needed. If you expect 10/11 year olds to do this, then to me this a natural progression from leaving an 8 yo for 20 minutes while you pop out.

I started leaving DS (then 8 1/2) for 15-20 mins this summer, whilst I walked dd to her friend’s house. He had a phone to hand, and strict instructions not to leave the house unless it was on fire.

At 10...most children aren't going to secondary school coconutella. When the time comes at 11/12 they will be older and more mature to deal with that stage of their lives. Why do you think it's important for an 8 year old to behave like an 11 year old?

No way. Why if your car breaks down? If it was a walk down the street I'd feel better. 15-20 minutes by car can equal a lot more time if there is an accident or you are otherwise delayed.

coconutty I'm trying to see the connection between leaving a child alone at 8 and then starting secondary at 11.

No, not getting it

Unless something happens and you are then judged to have left your child at risk of injury or harm and could be prosecuted for neglect

It's weird how people seem more concerned by SS involvement than the injury to their child! But let's get real, what might happen that would constitute s neglect charge? How many cases have their ever been of a 8 yo child from a living and caring family, having an accident while their parents popped out, and for the parents to be charged with neglect? It's all sensationalist hysteria! If a child did happen to, say, fall down the stairs, they'd have done it whether or not I was there... accidental falling down the stairs, and the like, woild clearly be an accident not neglect!

Why do you think it's important for an 8 year old to behave like an 11 year old?

I don't.... 11 year olds are expected to travel to school on their own mostly, often miles on buses.... I'm not expecting an 8 yo to do that. The 20 minutes in a safe home while you pop out is a stepping stone to that, rather than expecting them to suddenly develop that independence the moment they leave primary...

Mine are now older; the older two are at boarding school (300 miles away, and has travelled there unaccompanied since he was 13) and university, and the youngest was travelling 400 miles alone on trains at 12 as she's a neglected third-born. However, I wouldn't have left any of them at home at 8. I'm afraid they'd have had to trog along in the car with the others. But it just goes to show that there are no hard and fast rules, as others would object to a) boarding schools at all and b) children travelling anywhere unaccompanied... Perhaps just go with whatever you think is ok?

If a child did happen to, say, fall down the stairs, they'd have done it whether I was there or not

If they fall down the stairs when you're not there they'll lie at the bottom of the stairs with a cracked skull, broken leg etc whilst the irresponsible parent is out!

Of course they could fall down the stairs when you are there but the whole point is you are there to deal with it, assess it, take them to hospital if need be. Like a responsible parent.

coconutty. Most dc aren't "on their own" when they travel to school by bus.
Unless they are driving the bus themselves, there's usually a bus driver and a load of other school children on the bus.

In the scenario of this thread, the 8 year old would be entirely alone.

Answer yourself this-if anything untoward happened to her would you (and your DH, parents, friends) blame you for leaving her? At 8 they would have good reason to.

Again, it's all this "what might other people think* rather than a rational evaluation of risk.... You are very likely placing your child at MORE risk by taking them on a 20 minute trip out than leaving them at home. I don't have time to scrutinise accident stats, but I'd wager that, for a sensible 8 yo, there are more serious accidents/injuries per minute of travelling than serious accidents/injuries per minute of being in a safe home.

I leave my 8 year old home alone when I go pick his younger brother up from karate...I'm gone about 20 mins...he's usually sat on the computer when I leave and hasn't moved a muscle when I get back lol.

Glad you're in the minority Coconuttella it's not great parenting however you look at it. Parent can't be bothered to take a very young child with them because it's easier not to.

If they fall down the stairs when you're not there they'll lie at the bottom of the stairs with a cracked skull, broken leg etc whilst the irresponsible parent is out!

In that highly, highly, highly unlikely event (chances would be 1 in a billion!) then yes, the child would wait a few minutes until you get back. Far more likely they'd be run over with you while you dropped your child off.

Also, an 12 yo is equally (unlikely) to fracture their skull) in the 20 minutes you're out... why would you be less "negligent" in that case.

ThroughThickAndThin01

Pity you have no real appreciation of how to evaluate risk.... I'm genuinely not sure I'm in the minority in the wider world. Ffs, on some threads you'll read how they played out on the street from 3 with other kids (probably 5 or 6) looking after them (I'm not for a moment advocating that btw)

Because leaving a 12 year old at home is understandable. They are 12. They are at secondary school. 8 is very very young. They still have a few years left at junior school,. Leaving an 8 year old alone at home is not understandable.

11 year olds are expected to travel to school on their own mostly, often miles on buses.... I'm not expecting an 8 yo to do that. The 20 minutes in a safe home while you pop out is a stepping stone to that,

Can you expand on your comment?

I would be interested to hear how leaving a child of 8 home alone is a step towards travelling alone on a bus

I would leave DD 10 if she was happy with it, but she gets anxious.