Choose family wedding over my child's communion.

[miaows]

My youngest is making her communion next year. Just found out a close family member has booked her wedding the same day. Would I BU to go to the wedding and have her Dad do the communion. We are separated so we were planning on having parties on different days. I can have her party for my side when I come back on the following weekend. I talked to her about it and she's seems ok with this. All my family will probably go to the wedding. It is abroad as she lives there. I will be gone for the whole weekend. I just have this niggling guilt because I won't be there for her special day.

"Not if you're not religious and just think it's a load of mumbo jumbo

In that case, why bother with the child doing it at all?"

Because it's important to the child's father.

Communion. It's weird that you can't put your differences aside for a party too btw. It's also weird that if this family member is as close as a sister, she didn't run the date past you first.

Would any of you make similar comments if the OP was talking about a Jewish or Muslim celebration?

Oh I am not a fan of Islam or the way it has been interpreted in nearly all of the middle east countries, believe me. I doubt anyone would tell an atheist to 'respect the Muslim faith' either if she didn't want to go to a religious ceremony her DC's muslim father was attending.

But the Catholic Church has seriously been evil to women and children (and still is). It has committed unspeakable wrongs and it continues to do so. It honestly is a force of bad and no wonder there is a lot of Catholic bashing. Maybe people don't want to support a religion that covers up abuse and murder.

*"Wow, the comments on here are so insulting. Would any of you. Would any of you make similar comments if the OP was talking about a Jewish or Muslim celebration? I doubt it. But Catholic bashing is a favourite Mumsnet pastime."

Yes. I would*

Yep, me too. I'm just a bit qualified to bash catholicism having suffered the indignities myself

Bold fail. God probably did that.

2cats I’m not sure that the point of first communion is to make the kid feel special by being the centre of attention?! Anyway can’t think of them now without the big fat gypsy wedding episode coming into my head...

Wedding

Im an atheist so if dh wanred dd to pursue any religios practices then he would have to be the one to do it. The fact that you are separated makes it simpler. He will be doing that with her anyways. Its his and her thing.

Go to the wedding.

Cant spell - good question was wondering when someone would as that...firstly we found out recently about dd communion date...wedding date set few days later. Was not even going to mention communion until next year anyways to any of my family because they would only be popping around for party food drink etc. All home in their beds by nine . And even if she wasn't having her wedding the same day I doubt she would fly over from Europe to attend a small communion party especially when she not Catholic. I wouldn't even ask her if I'm honest.

Thanks to everyone for their input. My decision will be the wedding. My ex husband fully supports this and we no our child best. I understand how shocked a good few people will be about this but my eldest couldn't tell me one detail about their communion day and it is long forgotten. My biggest regret is agreeing to any of my kids to be brought up as Catholics- but I respect the families and people who wanted this so I have gone along with it. My older kids have since lapsed as Catholics.

There was a comment earlier about both being sacrements- that is incorrect the wedding will not be in a church. So it is not a sacrement.

I have been recognised online by a friend so I am in 2 minds about getting the thread deleted. If I do I apologise in advance to anyone that has commented.

"But Catholic bashing is a favourite Mumsnet pastime."
Christian-bashing in general actually. It's the predominant zeitgeist.
Not content with being quietly atheist themselves, some feel obliged to tell theists they are WRONG. But usually only Christians - other, minority, religions get an easier time, because, well, we might be mistaken for racists..

I made my communion. Completely irrelevant and unimportant event in my life. except to get me into a good school

didofido I tend to think of it as sexism and homophobia bashing, what they prey to makes no difference to me.

I think the important part of Holy Communion is NOT the party. I think it’s important you are there rather than seeing it as OK to do a separate party.

Minifarm why should my choice trump his? We talked about this as a couple when we were together and this was the decision. Anyways definitely coming off this thread now going to put up my Halloween decorations with my kids - the pagan that I am

"Not content with being quietly atheist themselves, some feel obliged to tell theists they are WRONG. But usually only Christians - other, minority, religions get an easier time, because, well, we might be mistaken for racists."

That really is a bit of a silly thing to say. I am happy to be quietly atheists when religious people
are happy to be quietly religious.

Greendale17

Great counter argument! Got any more

Must be a small congregation or not many children for the first communions to be only on one day..

Really? We had nearly 80 children make their First Holy Communion when my daughter made hers. All done on one day over two Masses, one at 1pm and one at 4pm. I attended both masses as I was a catechist as well as Mum!

I am happy to be quietly atheists when religious people
are happy to be quietly religious

And when asked advice on if it's okay to miss something that is only relevant to the faith over celebrating a wedding, then it's specifcally relevant for people to comment, especially ones of the same faith as the person asking.

"then it's specifcally relevant for people to comment, especially ones of the same faith as the person asking."
then it's specifically relevant for me to comment because I am of the same non-faith as the person asking!

Go to the wedding, I doubt in years to come your daughter will remember one way or the other.

I have no memory of my FHC at all, i know there was a meal afterwards in the school hall but only because we have a photo of myself and a friend there. I have a memory of the photo rather than the event itself iyswim. I have no idea if my parents attended or not.

LMAO about some of the comments on this threads. The Catholics are out doing what they do best.... making people feel guilty. I particularly like the comment which stated the only reason the OP wanted to go to the wedding was for the alcohol. I'm surprised they didn't go the whole hog and just say that she only wanted to go for the whoring. And once again people are unable to separate their own experiences from those of the OP.... the fact that holy communion was important to you , your child, your granny or whoever doesn't mean that it is for everyone. I'm sure there are plenty of children who've been through this process because of family expectation and in fact place more weight on the dress or the party or just the attention. The DD has said she doesn't mind the OP missing the event so I would plan to go to the wedding. If it appears nearer the time that she takes the event seriously, that she places weight on her mum being there and she does mind her not being there then I would re-think. These things do not have to be set in stone.

Would any of you make similar comments if the OP was talking about a Jewish or Muslim celebration?

Yes. All religious beliefs are equal in my eyes.