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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choose family wedding over my child's communion.

325 replies

miaows · 16/10/2017 15:40

My youngest is making her communion next year. Just found out a close family member has booked her wedding the same day. Would I BU to go to the wedding and have her Dad do the communion. We are separated so we were planning on having parties on different days. I can have her party for my side when I come back on the following weekend. I talked to her about it and she's seems ok with this. All my family will probably go to the wedding. It is abroad as she lives there. I will be gone for the whole weekend. I just have this niggling guilt because I won't be there for her special day.

OP posts:
52FestiveRoad · 16/10/2017 18:43

Religion gets away with too much in the name of tradition

But it is not religion telling people to do anything. What a child wears to communion is up to them. If they wear a veil it is up to them. Some people like the traditional aspect of the veil, some don't. The catholic church does not tell anyone to wear a veil.

You also do not sit in a room with a priest for confession, have you seen a confessional? You are on the other side of a wall, with just a small opening to talk through. And you are not given a punishment, you are asked to pray and say sorry. Being asked to say sorry when you have done something wrong is hardly evil is it?

How much outcry would there be if a girl was stopped from doing a job simply because she posses a vagina? This still happens all the time, in all sorts of jobs.

But you just seem to want to slag off the catholic church no matter what.

Papafran · 16/10/2017 18:45

You can go to their second wedding :-D

Nice bitchy little dig there. It's much more likely that the DD will grow up a massive atheist than the OP's family member will divorce. Despite the FHC being a 'holy sacrament'.

Plus I could never respect Catholicism after the disgusting, hideous way the catholic church treated children and young mothers in Ireland. It's a horrible and hypocritical religion and makes my skin crawl.

Skarossinkplunger · 16/10/2017 18:50

52FestiveRoad all of our confessions at school took place in the HT office, and even if it is in a confessional (which I have been in) it's still just you and a priest. You tell him your sins and he gives you penance i.e. punishment.

Name one current job that women are told they cannot do?

2cats2many · 16/10/2017 18:55

I'm not Catholic but my DH is. Maybe it isn't the same everywhere, but for my children their FHC was a massive deal for them. It was a special day where they were the centre of attention and it meant a lot.

Even if it doesn't mean much to the OP, surely she must know that it means a lot to her daughter?

There will be other weddings to go to, but you won't get another chance at this.

starzig · 16/10/2017 18:57

No it's your child first surely. Don't believe you even have to ask

starzig · 16/10/2017 18:57

No it's your child first surely. Don't believe you even have to ask

HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit · 16/10/2017 19:00

Do people really put their child first 100% of the time? How exhausting.

Go to the wedding op.

Rachie1973 · 16/10/2017 19:01

HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit

I agree!

Papafran · 16/10/2017 19:01

Name one current job that women are told they cannot do?

Penis-model.... Grin

Rachie1973 · 16/10/2017 19:02

Name one current job that women are told they cannot do?

Pope lol

Skarossinkplunger · 16/10/2017 19:04

Well whaddya know Rachie!

Battyoldbat · 16/10/2017 19:07

I was brought up catholic and honestly couldn't tell you a thing about who was there for my communion. Don't even remember if we had a party.

I think given that the OP is not religious, it's perfectly reasonable for her to skip a religious ceremony that her child's father is taking her to.

bananafish · 16/10/2017 19:10

I'd go to the wedding.
I mean you know your own daughter.
She's going to be fine with it, gets her dad for the whole day AND gets two parties; she's laughing.
I wouldn't have given two hoots if either of my parents weren't at my FHC - I, too, was far more interested in the presents. I was 7 - sue me.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 16/10/2017 19:15

Pope lol

Grin
Papafran · 16/10/2017 19:18

Pope lol

Or even a humble priest.

changemyname1 · 16/10/2017 19:18

You do understand that 'sitting in the church' is the only bit of any importance?

Not if you're not religious and just think it's a load of mumbo jumbo

BertrandRussell · 16/10/2017 19:19

The FHC is the dad and his family's thing. I'm sure there'll be lots of family there. They'll probably be able to relax more without non Catholics present.

Go to the wedding, OP.

BlueSapp · 16/10/2017 19:20

Battyoldbat I’m sure you would’ve noticed if your mother had not of been there, why don’t you just ask your dd I’m sure she wants you there

BertrandRussell · 16/10/2017 19:20

"Name one current job that women are told they cannot do?"

Priest.

shhhfastasleep · 16/10/2017 19:21

Nice one, Rachie.
Bad Catholic here. FHC will be a massive deal for all the children at school. Why not support her?

RhinosDontEatOatcakes · 16/10/2017 19:23

Wow, the comments on here are so insulting. Would any of you. Would any of you make similar comments if the OP was talking about a Jewish or Muslim celebration? I doubt it. But Catholic bashing is a favourite Mumsnet pastime.

Cantspell2 · 16/10/2017 19:23

Surely if this family member is as close as you say she would having known when your child's communion was as she would have been invited? So why has she now booked her wedding on the same date.

BertrandRussell · 16/10/2017 19:25

"Wow, the comments on here are so insulting. Would any of you. Would any of you make similar comments if the OP was talking about a Jewish or Muslim celebration? I doubt it. But Catholic bashing is a favourite Mumsnet pastime."

Yes. I would.

LaurieMarlow · 16/10/2017 19:26

Not if you're not religious and just think it's a load of mumbo jumbo

In that case, why bother with the child doing it at all?

Skarossinkplunger · 16/10/2017 19:26

Cantspell thanks for the funny!