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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DSIS or am I Bridezilla?

465 replies

MrsEight · 16/10/2017 09:01

I have NC for this I am not a troll.

In a few weeks I get married for the second time.

My sister tbh is being a bit of a cow Sad

She is coming from abroad (within the EU) but arriving 2 hours before the ceremony and leaving first thing the next morning as doesn’t want to take her (not secondary school age) children out of school. Had a bitch to my mum about why I wasn’t getting married during (their) school holidays - my STBOH is in the military and wouldn’t be here then.

In view of the military connection there will be several guests and groom in full military regalia. DSIS messages me asking if it’s ok for her children to come in jeans as have no smart trousers. I suggest this is a little casual as it’s a wedding.

I offer clothes that my own children have grown out of (DSIS is not hard up) she accepts, then declines then says she is borrowing clothes from someone.

Then there is another problem with clothes for the kids (after I ask what colour button holes to order) and I ask if there is some financial difficulty and can I help and she says no she is just trying to avoid spending a fortune on “just one day” Sad ffs it’s my bloody wedding and they are family.

AIBU to think she’s being ridiculous - it’s a couple of pairs of trousers for two pre teens.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 16/10/2017 09:29

MrsEight I didn't mean to suggest it was a summons, of course it's an invite.

Original poster
MrsEight · 16/10/2017 09:29

I am sorry but me getting married in the county we were both born and grew up in is not “an overseas wedding”.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 16/10/2017 09:29

Sorry, that post wasn't in relation to you saying that she's coming by ferry, it was in response to you saying she wasn't coming from overseas.

I'm totally confused now.

WitchesHatRim · 16/10/2017 09:29

ITS NOT AN OVERSEAS WEDDING!!!

For them it is!!!!

treaclesoda · 16/10/2017 09:29

It's overseas for anyone who is coming from overseas.

PandorasXbox · 16/10/2017 09:30

How the fuck are any of you thinking the OP is being unreasonable here?

abbsisspartacus · 16/10/2017 09:30

Ok op no need to shout people are taking the view it's overseas for her

Tell her you don't want to be difficult and it's best she doesn't come

treaclesoda · 16/10/2017 09:30

OP, would you have minded if she had declined the entire invitation? Or would you have been hurt?

I think that affects things.

KoalaD · 16/10/2017 09:31

I think the OP is saying it's not an overseas wedding for the bride& groom

PotteringAlong · 16/10/2017 09:31

To be honest, I'll get excited and spend lots of money for someone's first wedding. I'm slightly less enthusiastic as each subsequent wedding occurs...

PandorasXbox · 16/10/2017 09:31

It's overseas for anyone who is coming from overseas.

It’s her sister’s wedding. It’s not the OP’s fault that her sister lives overseas is it??

KoalaD · 16/10/2017 09:32

As in, it's not a 'destination wedding' where the couple basically force their guests to travel.

Original poster
MrsEight · 16/10/2017 09:32

It’s overseas for two of our siblings (grooms brother is coming from same country as DSIS with no issue).

The rest of the guests live in the country the wedding is in.

OP posts:
BoomBoomBoomBoooom · 16/10/2017 09:32

SIBU, hugely so to even think of dressing children in jeans for a wedding. I'd have told her not to bother after that comment. Hugely disrespectful that she CBA to even find a pair of trousers herself.

Original poster
MrsEight · 16/10/2017 09:33

My first husband died - so apologies for that Pottering Hmm

OP posts:
Sirzy · 16/10/2017 09:33

It’s unfair not to acknowledge the fact that even though it is inconvenient and involves a lot of travelling in a short space of time they are still coming over.

I actually find it more sad that the Op is more concerned about what the photos look like than having her own sister there to be on the photos.

OnionKnight · 16/10/2017 09:33

For her it is overseas though, it's not hard to understand.

treaclesoda · 16/10/2017 09:34

It’s her sister’s wedding. It’s not the OP’s fault that her sister lives overseas is it??

No, of course not. But it's still overseas for her sister. That's not a judgement on the situation, it's just a fact.

MatildaTheCat · 16/10/2017 09:35

She's being a little ungracious for sure but I'm not seeing the problem here. She's said she's borrowing trousers having been told jeans aren't really acceptable. And she's coming. So she's doing everything you've asked?

Ok, she could certainly be making more effort and be more involved with your plans and pre wedding excitement but she is doing the required amount as asked?

Stay in good terms as you don't know the full picture of her life. I'm sure you have lots of other people around you to make it special. She's coming with her family, that's the main thing.

And I'm trying to work out where she lives because I'm nosy. [smike]

Peppapogstillonaloop · 16/10/2017 09:36

Not sure why you are getting such a slamming. Your sister is being a miserable pita but you know that already. I say let it go and ignore, nothing you can do about her attitude so don’t let it spoil anything..

PandorasXbox · 16/10/2017 09:36

The OP and her stbh are getting married in their own country. How is it their fault if someone decides to move abroad to live and then moan about being invited to a family wedding?

Original poster
MrsEight · 16/10/2017 09:37

Of course I “know the full picture of her life” she’s my sister not some random stranger.

OP posts:
tictoc76 · 16/10/2017 09:37

Of course wearing jeans to a wedding is unreasonable - especially if you are the brides family. If the kids are at school their uniform would be smarter than jeans!

Sounds like she is purposely being difficult

DancesWithOtters · 16/10/2017 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohtheholidays · 16/10/2017 09:37

Your sister is being a knob if she finds it that much of a hassle have you told her that you'll understand if she can't make it?and wearing jeans at a wedding unless that's what the bride and groom want is bloody awful you'll have those pictures to look at for ever,it doesn't have to take much time or cost a fortune to make a bit of an effort.