AIBU about DSIS or am I Bridezilla?

[MrsEight]

I have NC for this I am not a troll.

In a few weeks I get married for the second time.

My sister tbh is being a bit of a cow

She is coming from abroad (within the EU) but arriving 2 hours before the ceremony and leaving first thing the next morning as doesn’t want to take her (not secondary school age) children out of school. Had a bitch to my mum about why I wasn’t getting married during (their) school holidays - my STBOH is in the military and wouldn’t be here then.

In view of the military connection there will be several guests and groom in full military regalia. DSIS messages me asking if it’s ok for her children to come in jeans as have no smart trousers. I suggest this is a little casual as it’s a wedding.

I offer clothes that my own children have grown out of (DSIS is not hard up) she accepts, then declines then says she is borrowing clothes from someone.

Then there is another problem with clothes for the kids (after I ask what colour button holes to order) and I ask if there is some financial difficulty and can I help and she says no she is just trying to avoid spending a fortune on “just one day” ffs it’s my bloody wedding and they are family.

AIBU to think she’s being ridiculous - it’s a couple of pairs of trousers for two pre teens.

I am sorry - if you choose to live overseas in a different county from your family one of the downsides of that is that if anything happens “family wise” that you wish to be a part of you havecto travel?!

She isn’t flying.

I mean all of her "issues" are valid and kids out of school and money troubles you might not be aware of and blah blah blah BUT the bottom line is your sister is getting married, you make an effort.

Only thing i can think is there some issue around the fact its your 2nd time (eg did she go all out 1st time)

Why does what a child wears to a wedding matter?

Surely the fact they are making the effort to come over even when it is inconvenient is the important thing?

I have and never would dress my child in jeans for a wedding.

No she had no children the first time and her husband didn’t make it as working abroad.

Esp a family wedding ffs.

Your sister is being an arse. Obviously her are some background issues. I really woudlnt bother, she knows the arrangements, she can do what she likes. so long as she doesnt muclk up the photos with jeans clad off spring

But seriously why does a child wearing a pair of jeans matter? Just because it isn’t what you would do doesn’t mean it’s wtong.

Surely this is a case of pick your battles?

I think you're getting a hard time here op.

Your dsis is making a big deal of it all like it's so much trouble to her when you've reciprocated in the past.

She sounds a mighty pita.

Tell her to stay at home, and not to bother coming.

I don’t think yabu especially as you’ve offeees to help out. Tbh it sounds like she just can’t be arsed with the hassle. She probably should have declined the invite.

Are you close? It sounds like you are more upset (understandably) that she just couldn’t give a toss.. not a lot you can really do about that though?
I would let it all go to be honest. Ignore whatever they show up in if not appropriate you won’t reallt care.

Can't they wear their school trousers?

I think you're being a bit precious. She is spending money travelling to your wedding, who cares if they wear jeans, you should just be pleased that they are there x

I haven’t picked a 3 piece suit for them to wear - I just don’t want them as part of the wedding party - wearing jeans when my groom will be in full military uniform - I really really do not think expecting her to spend a tenner on a pair of trousers for them each is asking too much.

In many countries (including the EU country where I live) it's against the law to take school age kids out of school during term time. We have to provide a medical certificate for absence, and any unjustified absence (i.e. holiday) risks getting us a fine...

I also agree that overseas weddings are a bit of a financial nightmare.

They don’t have school uniform.

My sister did the same thing. In her case, it was a huge fuss that the cat couldn't POSSIBLY be left overnight on his own. Never mind the fact that there are 3 neighbours who are always willing to pop in and feed him. So she drove up to my wedding in the morning, and drove back straight afterwards, and the whole thing felt like it was very much to attend for the absolute minimum amount of time that was humanly possible. It was more offensive, really, than if she just hadn't showed up at all. But she has form for this kind of thing. She's very selfish. I just ignored it and enjoyed my day as best I could.

I think it's probably best if you simply say "Actually, do what you want - other people will be in formal dress, so you might feel awkward in jeans, but it's really your call".

ITS NOT AN OVERSEAS WEDDING!!!

She isn’t flying.
Well unless she has magical powers she has to travel with the kids and it will cost money. Plus accommodation presumably.

So they are coming by road / ferry ?

I misunderstood- if she doesn't have to take the children out of school, then she is being unreasonable to make a fuss about coming, even if it's a bit of a tricky "leave straight after school on a Friday and get back very late on Sunday in all the traffic" job. It is your wedding after all and therefore a very special occasion.

Ferry.

But you said she's coming from abroad?

Pretty sure we get fined in the UK for taking kids out of school....

YANBU.

She's making a huge fuss. Jeans aren't suitable for a wedding unless its specifically dress down.

What is her problem? Doesn't she approve or something?

I'd politely invite her to give it a miss if its proving too expensive.