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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DSIS or am I Bridezilla?

465 replies

MrsEight · 16/10/2017 09:01

I have NC for this I am not a troll.

In a few weeks I get married for the second time.

My sister tbh is being a bit of a cow Sad

She is coming from abroad (within the EU) but arriving 2 hours before the ceremony and leaving first thing the next morning as doesn’t want to take her (not secondary school age) children out of school. Had a bitch to my mum about why I wasn’t getting married during (their) school holidays - my STBOH is in the military and wouldn’t be here then.

In view of the military connection there will be several guests and groom in full military regalia. DSIS messages me asking if it’s ok for her children to come in jeans as have no smart trousers. I suggest this is a little casual as it’s a wedding.

I offer clothes that my own children have grown out of (DSIS is not hard up) she accepts, then declines then says she is borrowing clothes from someone.

Then there is another problem with clothes for the kids (after I ask what colour button holes to order) and I ask if there is some financial difficulty and can I help and she says no she is just trying to avoid spending a fortune on “just one day” Sad ffs it’s my bloody wedding and they are family.

AIBU to think she’s being ridiculous - it’s a couple of pairs of trousers for two pre teens.

OP posts:
IncieWincie · 17/10/2017 04:43

But you said she's coming from abroad?

France is abroad. It could be a Ferry from France.

kirsty75005 · 17/10/2017 04:47

I don't know about your sister, but depending on where you're going to and from flying is not necessarily the convenient option, especially if you have no choice of the date.

Last summer I looked into flying back from France for the four of us. It would have been a 10 hour journey door-to-door (the closest airport doesn"t fly to the right part of the UK) and cost about 800 euros, partly because we had no flexibility in the date (plane tickets tripled in price because of flying on a popular date) and partly because of airport transfer costs (150 euros for a return to the airport for four of us at one end only).

No idea if that applies to your sister.

IncieWincie · 17/10/2017 05:12

I’d already had my big day

For a 2nd wedding no one owes you anything. Dial down your expectations

The OP has had a few big days on top of her first wedding and they would be the day she became a widow and the day she buried her husband.

In my opinion she can have just what she wants for this next 'big day'.

Anyone around her who cant go all out in their heart to make it a wonderful day for her is seriously lacking just as so many posters on this thread are.

HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit · 17/10/2017 05:28

How old exactly are your nephews op?

I don't think I'd get het up for example about a 5 year old wearing jeans but a 10 year old I would expect to look smarter.

Wallywobbles · 17/10/2017 06:11

Bitoutofpractice. I disagree - ferry from Europe, school aged kids etc. I think there is a hell of a lot in common. I’m saying that the costs can be a lot more than you might imagine. In my case it was all a lot more than I’d first thought it would be, probably 3 or 4 times more. But I wouldn’t have missed my DNs wedding abroad (in the uk) for anything.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/10/2017 06:35

It’s completely different. The journey is different, the financial circumstances are different, the situation with the school is different, the attitude of the OP’s sister is different...

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/10/2017 06:55

arethereanyleft

So you summise perhaps ops sister is afraid of flying.

Can you explain how her sister got to and from New Zealand for her own wedding. Did she swim?

MrsEight

Your sister is being a difficult bitch. She sounds like my sil. She is married to my brother, who is a bully and physically abusive to me.

Have a lovely day and try to ignore her behaviour. And take solace from knowing that you are not her, which is truly a blessing.

IncieWincie · 17/10/2017 06:55

Wally, BitoutofPractice is the last person here who needs lessons on Ferry crossings from Europe and all that goes with it.

Hissy · 17/10/2017 07:17

Please just be blunt with her and say that she either comes, with the kids suitably dressed or not at all.

Your parents have enabled a bully and yes she resents your happiness and revels in your misery somehow.

You need to allow the distance between you to grow, she’s not a good person to have in your life.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/10/2017 07:23

I don’t know which country your sister lives in. I’ve lived in France, Belgium and Germany, all in my 30’s. My dh is French. I can categorically say people from all of these nationalities know how to dress up when the occasion requires. Don’t let her give that shit as an excuse.

sayyouwill · 17/10/2017 07:38

In all fairness, if the sister posted saying she had been invited to her sisters wedding, couldn't afford any new smart clothes for her children but did own some smart jeans, wouldn't we all be saying put the bairns in the jeans because weddings are all about love, family and togetherness?

Admittedly the other factors indicate that she's not some 'on-the-bread-line-working-3-jobs-to-survive' type of person, but there could be other elements at play that we don't know about

SouthWestmom · 17/10/2017 07:38

My sister brought her kids in track suits as she was so cross we didn't invite anyone to the ceremony (literally two witnesses - second wedding). We had a big reception - cake, speeches everything. And these kids in day glo trackers.

Just to post in solidarity really.

BlueButTrue · 17/10/2017 08:27

Anyone around her who cant go all out in their heart to make it a wonderful day for her is seriously lacking just as so many posters on this thread are

This x100

mintich · 17/10/2017 09:22

I agree, no jeans at a wedding and you shouldn't have to specify that. I have seen jeans at a wedding and the fact that I remember them says it all. They stood out from everyone else. I imagine if your DSis brought her kids in jeans she would feel like the odd one out in the day......I guess that's her choice.

Gemini69 · 17/10/2017 10:32

if you can't make a genuine effort for somebody's Wedding... then you shouldn't be attending... Flowers

Aderyn17 · 17/10/2017 10:43

It doesn't matter if everyone in the country where your sister lives, dress casually for weddings - she is from the UK and knows full well what constitutes appropriate wedding clothes here.

I also don't understand why second weddings are treated as of no importance on this thread. Finding love again, after losing a husband, is an amazing thing and ought to be celebrated. It's not like the OP is Zsa Zsa Gabor!

BitOutOfPractice · 17/10/2017 11:07

I also can't understand why everyone is so wound up about the "coming from abroad" aspect as well. Like it's coming from Mars. Where the OP's sister is coming from is cheaper and easier to get to most of the south east of England than it is to get from Dorset to Newcastle say. "Abroad" isn't necessarily any harder than travelling within the UK

Ginseng1 · 17/10/2017 11:10

She's being a miserable git not sure why she's bothering to come at all! (Is your mother pressuring her to come?) Is she in rep of Ireland? Can tell u now there's zero penalty for taking kids out of school if that's her excuse. Does she have take time off work is that her gripe? Whatever it is forget about her & enjoy your day & best of luck. Ps I don't think expecting your nephews not to wear jeans is "demanding" on any level!!!

Nanny0gg · 17/10/2017 11:18

For a 2nd wedding no one owes you anything. Dial down your expectations

Why? She hasn't married this man before! And it might be his first. Although even if it's their 10 wedding they can have any bloody day they choose!

thereal · 17/10/2017 11:39

'For a 2nd wedding no one owes you anything. Dial down your expectations'

Ain't you a peach? Hmm

KoalaD · 17/10/2017 11:42

The '2nd wedding' comment is just sheer bitchiness.

It's also nonsensical, cos newsflash: nobody 'owes' you anything for any wedding.

Headofthehive55 · 17/10/2017 14:02

I don't think jeans at a wedding are a problem.
You wear what you want and feel good in.
Why aren't you just happy she s there? I didn't care what my guests wore!

StoatofDisarray · 17/10/2017 14:15

She's being a PITA. If it's that much hassle to bring the kids, she should leave them at home. YANBU: she sounds like a right drama llama.

GetAHaircutCarl · 17/10/2017 15:24

OP your sister doesn't care about your wedding and your mum made sure her gripes were passed on.

And you're slagging your sister off online.

Happy families it ain't.

altiara · 17/10/2017 16:58

YANBU!!
DSis should have bought cheap flights well in advance, this is her siblings wedding, and not just any old second wedding but a second wedding after DH1 passed away and now finding love with DH2.
THIS should be a celebration for DSis!!! Not a chance to moan about how weddings are PITA.
If anything DSis's wedding half way round the world was the biggest PITA without OP having a toddler and being pregnant.

I think the jeans thing is just trying to put OP down and in her place. How dare you try and be the centre of attention. This is clear from the fact OPs parents just try and move everything over so DSis gets her own way.
I'd be saying don't worry if you can't make it.
Ignore her and prepare for her not to arrive on time Flowers