WIBU me or DH?

[CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate]

I won some money on a raffle, not a lot about £500.

I think we should use it to clear off two small debts we have; one's a credit card which has £200 left to pay on it and the other is an overdraft of about £180. I want to put the remaining towards DD (who's 2) Christmas presents, and get her something I know she really wants - it won't cost the whole £120 left but a good chunk of it. The rest will cover our Christmas Day food costs.

My DHs PS4 broke about 6 months ago - it's unrepairable so we sold it for spares and repairs. He's been going to my DMs to use my DBros or going to his friends to play theirs. He's been going a couple of times a week (I don't actually mind as I go swimming 3 times a week after work so this is his "leisure time"). He was very excited when I won the money, "I can finally replace the PS4" he says quite happily.

Personally, I know it's a pain but my DBro is out at work 4 nights a week and is happy for my DH to use his PS4 in that time, so I prefer the system we have, and I think the debts are a higher priority than his PS4. If he goes to his friends, they spend time together have a laugh and he says he enjoys going so again I don't mind.

I'm happy to be told IABU, but should we be boring and sensible or do I let my DH blow it all on an expensive console that neither me nor DD will benefit from?

Nope. You are not BU.
Tell him to sell the other two Playstations and get a second hand PS4.
Debts and children should be prioritized particularly if the bank is on your case.
Time to grow up, manchild.

Stick to plan A but maybe buy him a skipping rope or take him to collect some conkers so he can play out with his friends.

Hang on a minute ...you said he takes her to nursery so you can go to work earlier so you can pick her up. So now you're saying you go swimming after work and pick her up an hour and a half later and nursery 'don't seem to mind' . So you still pick her up at the same time or later don't you ? Both your hobbies seem to come before time with your dd. Also what do you mean ' Nursery don't seem to mind' ? Is it private or a works one or what ? Why would they 'mind '?

Definitely go with your plan OP, 100%. Much better to clear your debts, pay for a great present for DD and have your Christmas food sorted

I don't get why nursery would mind either. But I did think from earlier postings that the swimming and gaming both happened in evening time, which made me wonder who was looking after the 2yo. Must be a late opening nursery.

To the pp who said they reported the thread - whatever for???? What's yout problem exactly?

I think they reported it to the fun police. There are posters who say they play video games on this thread.

Pay off your debts OP and do not compromise on this.

If stuff like a new washing machine and bills has to go on credit cards which you can't pay off unless you win a raffle, I feel that you might be sailing too close to the wind financially, if you've got no savings to pay for this sort of thing. Obviously I don't know your situation so I could be wrong.

Sounds boring but I'd pay off debts, get DD a cheaper kitchen toy then use the rest to start a saving fund, and try to add to this a little a month.

Your dh is very immature to think that he can buy a new toy for himself when debts for essential stuff haven't been paid. As pp have said, sell the other play stations and then put away a little bit each month to save for another.

OP said she swims for half an hour after work. Hardly the same as disappearing for the evening to play games.

I'm going against the grain here but I think you should share it with DH. In my views, you're married that's means sharing everything. If I won £500 and we couldn't decide what to spend it on, I'd split it in half.

You are going to spend your raffle winnings on clearing two debts which are HIS and he still would rather you bought him a new PlayStation?!

He spends 3 evenings a week playing computer games on your little brother's computer at your mum's house??

My 14 year old seems more grown up!

You sound v sensible. Pay off the debts. DH can save money like normal people and buy a second hand PS4 when he has enough. He sounds about 15 with this attitude. (Not the gaming, that’s fine, the me me me)

I just think he's a bit fed up of having to have his leisure time in other peoples homes.

But he doesn't have to, does he? It's 100% this choice. And if he says it's the only thing he has outside work, does he not realise that actually there are numerous choices of ways of spending his leisure time that beat being hunched over a games console?

If he's admitted he's addicted to gaming then not having a ps4 in the house sounds like the obvious answer. What did he do with the money from your joint account whilst the bills were being drawn from a non existent account? That's something that seriously needs addressing.

I assume, when OP says 'nursery don't seem to mind' she pays a full day rate for nursery and usually picks her dd up earlier than closing time but leave her there later when she's swimming at no extra cost.

I do think you, op, need to sit down and have a serious conversation about your DH's attitude towards his gaming and your future in general. Being a parent does mean you have to make sacrifices - both parents - not that it should be all work and no play, but he needs to be more involved and perhaps to find a less time consuming hobby and also find joy in doing simple things as a family.

Debts come before fun. Asda had a lovely wooden vintage style kitchen for £32 and a pack of accessories - can’t remember the cost. So you can probably get a really lovey kitchen for much less than £90.

Could you compromise and say the £20 not needed for the overdraft can be saved towards a PS4? He can then look at trading the other two in plus any games he doesn’t want and buy a second hand one quite quickly.

I really dislike people suggesting that he is like a child playing because he enjoys gaming. I agree he needs to grow up as he doesn’t have his priorities straight. Lots of adults are perfectly capable of adulting and gaming. If I enjoy gaming as a hobby and fit it in around family life, it doesn’t make me less of a grown up than someone watching soaps, going to the gym or doing mindful colouring.

We don't go out much as a family as he doesn't like being away from his games for too long.

Does not sound like simple playing though does it ?

Just as an aside..the wooden play things from Asda are fab. We had their kitchen and it was Iess than £90

Sorry for not coming back sooner, I fell asleep last night and DD has a hospital appointment this morning.

When I go swimming it's after work. I finish work at 3pm and Nursery is open until 6pm, I usually pick up at about 4.30/5pm but leave her until 6pm when I go swimming, it doesn't cost me any extra as I pay the full day rate anyway and I am happy to not go if Nursery call me and say DD needs picking up or there's been a problem at home that needs dealing with. I work 3 days a week, so some weeks she's in until 6pm, she's often there with 1 or 2 other children when I pick her up so I assume the Nursery don't mind because they have parents who work until that late. On the other days she is 100% my priority, we go swimming together, to toddler groups, she has appointments for her various conditions a lot which I take her to. We go on playdates, to the park, even to feed the ducks. She's with me all weekend when we go shopping for the weekly food shop, oh hang on I might leave her with my mum, who comes shopping with me, for all of 2 minutes when I need the toilet an actual crime that peeing in private. I couldn't put her first anymore if I tried, I don't see why I don't "adult" well when I have a couple of hours a week to myself to swim.

I will definitely have a look at all the kitchens suggested here for DD. I'm sure she'll love whichever one I get her!

I'm not really sure what happened to the money from the joint account, but I do take 50% of the responsibility for not noticing it wasn't going out of the joint account, it's not all entirely DHs fault.

I've suggested selling his other consoles while we save up for a new ps4 but the answer is always a flat out "no".

OP please don't feel you have to justify yourself for having a couple of hours to yourself, especially as it's doing something to help your physical and mental wellbeing

Your DH on the other hand sounds rather pathetic. Doesn't like being away from his games? Crikey I'd struggle to respect a man who said that

YANBU about your £500 which, I notice, you want to spend on things to benefit the whole family

I've suggested selling his other consoles while we save up for a new ps4 but the answer is always a flat out "no".

He'll have a long wait then.

Maybe he could use the time to practise his parenting.

I don't think you are being unreasonable although thought it worth mentioning playstation 4s are not that much. £250 with games new on amazon but you can get 2nd hand on ebay a lot cheaper.

I think you do have a problem with your H. This is clearly a man who is always going to prioritize himself over his DD, and definitely over you.
This sounds like a fairly classic 'starter marriage'. At least you'll be able to move on fairly quickly once you have had enough of him, and he might even grow into being a good father at a later date (though when you do dump him, he will probably disappear for a while and not pay much maintenance).

I'm not really sure what happened to the money from the joint account

You're 'not really sure'? About where £2k of your money just disappeared to - are you joking?

I'd suggest that would be a handy thing to find out, to help you decide whether to LTB or not.

Did you get married wanting to be the only adult in the relationship? I know I didn't.

No way would I buy the PS4. Bills and kids come first every single time. My partner likes playing games, not to the extent he plays them around our son like your partner does, but he has wanted a PS4 since they were released. However other things have always come first. Bills or our son needs things. It's just life with kids.

He could easily sell the other consoles or save and get the PS4. spend the money on bills and your daughter's kitchen, you won the money so it's your choice anyway.

Debts first I say

Then have a fair discussion about the remainder and put on the tables what the options are.

No idea how much a ps4 is but I would be on your side of the fence!