WIBU me or DH?

[CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate]

I won some money on a raffle, not a lot about £500.

I think we should use it to clear off two small debts we have; one's a credit card which has £200 left to pay on it and the other is an overdraft of about £180. I want to put the remaining towards DD (who's 2) Christmas presents, and get her something I know she really wants - it won't cost the whole £120 left but a good chunk of it. The rest will cover our Christmas Day food costs.

My DHs PS4 broke about 6 months ago - it's unrepairable so we sold it for spares and repairs. He's been going to my DMs to use my DBros or going to his friends to play theirs. He's been going a couple of times a week (I don't actually mind as I go swimming 3 times a week after work so this is his "leisure time"). He was very excited when I won the money, "I can finally replace the PS4" he says quite happily.

Personally, I know it's a pain but my DBro is out at work 4 nights a week and is happy for my DH to use his PS4 in that time, so I prefer the system we have, and I think the debts are a higher priority than his PS4. If he goes to his friends, they spend time together have a laugh and he says he enjoys going so again I don't mind.

I'm happy to be told IABU, but should we be boring and sensible or do I let my DH blow it all on an expensive console that neither me nor DD will benefit from?

So he goes to work, spends several evenings a week in your brother's bedroom and when he is with his child he is still gaming and only pauses it to deal with her basic needs. He needs to grow up. Nothing to do with gaming, lots of adults manage to enjoy gaming without neglecting their children.

You are right.

Oh my goodness. This is a grown man. A parent?

Your problem is not what to do with this money

I have reported this thread. I hope I'm right

He could sell the other consoles and you could make up the shortfall on what he gets for them as his christmas present.

This cannot be a serious threat. No one could be this wet and pathetic.

Pay off the debts. Use remainder for your DC presents. You are right. Your DH is a manchild.

*thread

"He's usually pretty good with DD but generally on a game at the same time, although he will pause it to change her nappy or get her something to eat."

You have a two year old and when your DH is caring for her he will pause from his own (compelling) activity to change her nappy or get her something to eat? And you think that's "pretty good"???

What about playing with her, reading to her, taking her for a walk, taking her to the park, bathing her, getting her ready for bed?

Does he interact with her at all?

And what about the three of you doing things together?

I think you should use your winnings for your debts, your daughter's christmas present and a nice christmas dinner for the three of you, plus I also think your DH should be restricting his gaming time and spending more time interacting with his family.

He's usually pretty good with DD but generally on a game at the same time, although he will pause it to change her nappy or get her something to eat.

For this alone I wouldn't encourage this man child to replace his toy when he cant even switch it off to engage with his child unless she needs something.

While I agree with your plan for the money, the pps mocking your Husbands choice to game is pathetic, why can't people just live and let live (yes my DH games, no it doesn't bother me in the slightest, why would it?).

Pay the bills.
Get your daughter her present

His a man child!

I was always brought up that bills are the priority as well as your children’s needs and as an adult we come way down on the pecking order of needs.

With regards to his spare time, how would he feel about keep getting called by the bank to come in and discuss the outstanding debt on the account.

Personally I tell him he is a father and need to take some financial responsibility and grow up and if he wants a PS4 to either start saving or sell his personal items he no longer uses.

Priorities are what’s needed here.

I could not be married to a child like that.

You know you are right OP. Paying off your debts and seeing DD with her presents at Christmas should be your priority.

My DH is obsessed with gadgets but he wouldn't buy something unless we had the spare money to do it & everything else is paid. Our DS is almost two and I don't think he's ever played the PS4 when he's around - they go to the park or read or play trains or with his tea set.

I think it should be "family" money so he gets a say too. But as he wants to spend "family" money on a toy for himself instead of something you can all use or benefits you all (such as clearing debt). He can fuck off.

A ps4 isnt a need its a want

There isn't anything wrong with enjoying computer games. But the point here is that you won the money, not him, so you get to say what it's spent on - and that definitely shouldn't be on something which benefits your H and no one else.

If the wages got paid into the joint account but the bills came out of his account, I don’t understand why you couldn’t immediately pay the overdraft back. Am I missing something?

I could not be married to a man who plays computer games. They are for children

That's not true though. There are plenty of games that are over 18.

My dp has an Xbox and it's never bothered me.

You can get them for about £170 secondhand but with a 12 month warranty. If pay the debts off and have Christmas sorted it shouldn't take him long to save that. Anyone buying him a Christmas present? You, his mum, your mum? Maybe everyone could give him some money towards it. Anyway much more sensible to pay debts and sort Christmas out.

Debts first always

He was v cheeky to assume the money you won would be for his PS4!

Credulous When we first moved in together we didn't set up a joint account (not sure why) so he paid the bills from his bank account I paid some money to his account to cover my portion of the bills. Then after we got married we got a joint account, changed it so all wages where paid into the joint account and as the bills where in his name he was supposed to ring the companies and get it changed so Direct Debits came out of the joint account not his account. Only he decided not to do it and didn't tell me, so the bills still got paid from his account but he didn't use the money in the joint account to pay them instead he just left it, so his bank account went £2000 overdrawn and with charges it was about £2.5k I don't know many people who can get hold of that kind of money.

We've been paying it off slowly, and have about £180 left to pay now, but as there's so little left the bank has been calling asking if we can pay anymore money, so I just want it cleared.