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Original poster

To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

236 replies

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:36

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 15/10/2017 14:49

Thymeout
Why the hell should women just accept that feeling exposed, hurt and vulnerable is a normal part of being examined? Any decent HCP should realise this and do their utmost to empathise and reassure them.

MirriVan · 15/10/2017 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VioletCharlotte · 15/10/2017 14:51

NHS values include compassion, respect and dignity. It doesn't sound like the OP experienced any of these.

HateHomework · 15/10/2017 14:54

But it doesn't mean she was sexually assaulted.
So no one ever has been assaulted by a gynae in this world simply cause they are supposed to feel that shit in those occasions? Confused
THe fact that this chap has no complains doesn't mean he's innocent..
How many goes did it take for Weinstein to be found out eventually?

CockacidalManiac · 15/10/2017 14:54

Why is this so difficult to understand? The doctor performed a VE without consent. That is assault.

Exactly. When I worked as a nurse, I didn’t touch anyone without their consent. I wouldn’t have taken a BP without consent and explaining what I was going to do, never mind intimately examine someone.

RaymondinaReddington · 15/10/2017 14:56

I used to go to a dentist who would put a sheet of tissue on my chest and rest his instruments on the tissue. When he exchanged one instrument for another he used to have a little fumble around on the tissue over my breasts. It made me uncomfortable but the nurse was there the whole time, I was only in my twenties and I felt like I would look stupid if I said anything.

I am sure that any complaint, especially restrospective, would have been totally pointless.

We all know there are sleazy operators out there and I can understand your feelings for the things you describe but they are subjective. What do you hope your complaint will achieve (genuine question - what outcome are you looking for?). If it will make you feel better just doing it then yanbu.

Otherwise I am not sure it is worth it. If he is not sleazy and you misinterpreted then he will be horrified and humiliated just responding to your complaint but nothing will happen to him apart from that. If he is sleazy then he'll really not care about your complaint. I worry this is going to cause you more pain than him if you have expectations of a concrete outcome.

Agoddessonamountaintop · 15/10/2017 14:57

Don't want to go into too much detail as we know the sorts of pervs who lurk about waiting for personal stories, but I was offered a breast exam whenseeing a consultant about possible gallbladder pain. Hmm

kaytee87 · 15/10/2017 14:59

Op sorry if you've already said but did the doctor say to you at all that he was going to insert his fingers and check if that was ok? Even when I was in the throws of child birth every midwife and consultant explained when they were going to do an examination and asked me if that was ok. I'm pretty sure they have to check with you.
In fact even when I've had less invasive things done it's always been explained and I've been asked for consent.

ShimmeringBollox · 15/10/2017 15:05

I believe you op.
It really saddens me to read this thread, it really is MN at its very worst.

ShimmeringBollox · 15/10/2017 15:06

I've always been asked for consent too, even when I had a smear and knew exactly what was going to happen, the nurse still asked and talked me through it.

MadMags · 15/10/2017 15:07

I really, really, really hope that I didn't appear to not believe you, OP. Or be judging you in any way.

What I was saying was that you should try to achieve your peace through whatever means you can but that, unfortunately, you mightn't get anywhere with an official complaint.

But as I said in PP, I am so sorry this happened to you. Flowers

Thymeout · 15/10/2017 15:07

V C

I don't know about you, but I feel exposed and vulnerable when I'm lying on a couch with my feet in stirrups and no knickers on, whether someone's examining me or not, male or female. And it often hurts, no matter how gentle.

In my original post, I sympathised with OP but, on the facts she has provided, I can't support her contention that she was assaulted. If we say, 'I believe you' on the grounds that everyone should be believed regardless, we are doing a disservice to both patients and medics.

HateHomework · 15/10/2017 15:09

Thymeout
You don't have to believe her just don't make a point for the opposite!!

leghoul · 15/10/2017 15:10

I'm sorry you had a bad experience OP. It is standard to examine you though and doctors do have to look at your face while they are examining you to see if you are in pain. What seems to be lacking here is the forewarning of what was about to happen. In some fields it's still done that you don't tell a patient exactly what you're doing in an examination i.e. better to tell what you'll be doing & gain consent but not necessarily what you hope to elicit (in order to check their real response rather than a psychological response) but I'd say it would not be the norm to do this and in this case it seems the doctor that you saw really should have been explicit about what the examination would entail, definitely.

ToadsforJustice · 15/10/2017 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

couchparsnip · 15/10/2017 15:11

He was clearly unprofessional. I had an experience where a obstretician came to visit me after a C Section and while asking if my milk had come in he grabbed and squeezed my boob. No warning. He smirked too, like he knew he had got any withn omething. I was too exhausted and doped up to say anything but wish I had. I was living abroad at the time and tried to get his name taken off the recommended Doctor list for expats but they said it was just one person's opinion and other people had liked him! I did tell them his English was terrible though and they altered his profile to say French and some English instead of fluent in both.

Anyway OP I believe you. All the posters that think you are overreacting weren't there. You felt it was inappropriate and it was.

deepestdarkestperu · 15/10/2017 15:12

Jesus, some of these responses are disgusting. I’ve always been told when I was going to get any kind of examination from a medical professional, even if it’s something as minor as cleaning the site of an injection or putting the blood pressure cuff on.

I would absolutely expect to be told someone was about to put their fingers in me and to be asked if that was okay.

I believe you, OP.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 15/10/2017 15:16

I recall a rectal examination some years ago, can't remember for what, but it was necessary. The doctor told me he was going to do it and said something along the lines of 'it'll be a bit horrible, tell me if it hurts'. It was a bit horrible, but that was fine.

Similarly, when I was induced I was told I was going to be examined and the doctor said something along the lines of 'I know this isn't nice' sympathetically. Again, fine.

The smear test taken without my consent when I was 15 weeks pregnant with a low-lying placenta ('oh, we might as well do a smear test while you're here.' 'No, I had one done in...' 'All finished.' Angry ), a different matter. I never went back to that gynae (a woman, as it happened).

It wouldn't have been too much to bloody ask for him to say 'now, I need to examine you vaginally, tell me if it hurts'. Indeed, I think if this ended up at the GMC (it won't) they would probably say the doctor's behaviour here fell short of standards, even if they can't prove any malicious intent - which I do think is at least a possibility here.

Some of these replies are staggering.

VioletCharlotte · 15/10/2017 15:16

Thyme out
You're missing my point. Of course lots of women feel vulnerable, but gynaecologists are aware of this, it would be a big part of their training. So they should empathise show the patient some respect and explain carefully what they're going to do. This didn't happen in this instance. I can't say whether or not this was a sexual assault, but it was most definitely poor practise.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 15/10/2017 15:18

Oh, and the smear probably precipitated a huge, hospitalising bleed the next day. Fortunately it had happened before and I knew what it was, so was out the same day after a check-over. But if it had been the first bleed, with a history of repeated mc, I would have been beside myself. Angry

Coconutspongexo · 15/10/2017 15:18

Some of these replies are disgusting.

leghoul · 15/10/2017 15:19

Was there a chaperone present at the time?

bastardkitty · 15/10/2017 15:19

OP states there was a nurse present.

Mittens1969 · 15/10/2017 15:22

I do get what the OP is saying. I would have found that traumatic, in my case because of childhood SA. And the gynaecologist doesn’t know which of his patients have been through bad past experiences and should therefore take much more care. You definitely should have been warned. What you went through would have been very triggering for me.

And I remember my abusers smirking when bad things were done to me as a child. If you haven’t been hurt in that way yourself, you can’t really understand. It’s the look of enjoyment at your victim’s suffering and knowing that they’re unable to do anything to stop you.

Obviously I wasn’t with the OP, but I don’t struggle to understand her saying the man smirked. A smirk is nothing like a genuine smile. And why smile when your patient is wincing in pain anyway?

I think it is worth reporting it, even if nothing comes of it. You’ll be in a better position to put this behind you. Flowers

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 15/10/2017 15:24

I find it shocking he didn't talk OP through was he was doing and didn't get consent for it.