To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

[TenForward82]

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

Sorry you had a bad experience OP.

I work in O&G and communicating correctly and examining patients gently is the bare minimum standard but unfortunately it often falls short

Have you heard of My Body Back project? Team of O&G doctors who run specialist clinics for women who have experienced abuse, trauma etc I think you can self refer

I believe you op.

I had a fucking awful painful experience with a gynae when I was 21.

I'd had treatment to remove pre cancerous cells and the next day started haemorrhaging really badly and was blue lighted to hospital on my own. Had to wait around on a ward for a few hours till he got out surgery. I was really faint by this stage as I was losing slot of blood still despite them "packing" my vagina to stem the bleeding. It was really late by this stage and I was exhausted. Had to have two nurses help me on to the bed. I was expecting to be examined obviously but wasn't expecting him to come in and grunt at me before really forcefully ramming a metal speculum in me and thrusting it around so quickly it was pinching the skin in my vagina. It was quite a prolonged examination and the two nurses were holding a hand each and their faces drained of colour. They were chatting to me and I just lay there with tears silently steaming out because of the pain, bearing in mind I had just had treatment on my cervix the day before. The way he examined me made me feel completely undignified and like a piece of meat. Once finished he just barked at the nurses "prep for surgery immediately" and marched out the room. The nurses were so lovely but he wasn't very kind, caring or considerate towards me as a patient in pain at all.

However I don't for a second consider it abuse in any form, he was trying to help me, he just had no bedside manner at all.

I believe you OP and I'm disgusted by some of the responses on this thread.

I would have expected a warning - it doesn't matter if over half the women on this thread wouldn't expect a warning - some woman do and doctors should respect that.
Am appalled by the way the OP has been treated on this thread, just because someone is a doctor does not mean they are not a sexual predator. Have known doctors I used to socialise with how they enjoyed husbands knowing they had stuck their finger up their wives arse, when the husband would have wanted to do the same.

I'm not entirely sure if they'd look into something from years ago (but you never know). Tbh I've given it some thought and I think given the situation and what you were in there for I'd assume (rightly or wrongly) that inserting anything inside would be uncomfortable. Were you made to feel comfortable and relaxed beforehand?

I'm lucky enough that I've always been told what's going on or about to happen, they should've done the same because if you weren't prepared then naturally it would be more painful, regardless of why you were there. It should be common knowledgeable, especially to them.

He might have smirked, and ofc I'm not sure because I wasn't there. If he was taking delight in someone in intense pain rather than being concerned then that's a bit worrying and should never, ever happen.

I expect a doctor to ask my permission before doing anything to my body, full stop!

I am so sorry you had such a traumatic experience op. I have had many examinations, internal, rectal, as well as catheters being removed and inserted every couple of months. Every nurse, doctor, sonographer or Consultant has talked me through every stage. My gynaecologist is male and he had the nurse hold my hand and reassure me as he talked me through every stage of his examination. I had my husband with me and he was impressed with how lovely they had been. I was treated with kindness, respect and care, that should have been your experience too. Please do complain, if anything the Consultant should be informed that his bedside manner left you feeling violated!

Shellybobs

I was referring to the below

Today 12:47 JenTeale

I doubt I'm the only person who has questioned it & prefers female gynaecologists. (I posted this)

I feel like this. A few months ago I was treated for an object/gyn issue which involved seeing several consultants in three different hospitals, all men bar one. I don't have any cause to complain about the care I received but I have wondered if women are under represented in the specialism.

I think to much 'god' power is given to these consultants (there are consultants who never think this though and wouldn't dream of behaving in such a way). As a patient you feel infantalised and thus have that bodily autonomy taken from you - it's an I know best attitude from the person who is supposed to be treating you.

Good grief.
Of course he should have asked permission and warned the op that it may be uncomfortable.
If he, as a professional, doesn't understand that most women don't want to be smiled or smirked at during an internal exam then he's an idiot.
He was at the very best hugely inconsiderate and unprofessional.

The posters trying to snipe at the op remind me if my mother who practically genuflects when she's at the doctors. The fucking God complex is alive, kicking and being ably abetted by muppets.

A dr is meant to tell you what they're going to do before every procedure it's called informed consent.

Technically they're supposed to ask before they take your blood pressure etc but most don't as it's a given people are happy to have their bp checked.

I had a dr not warn me about seeking a pain response years ago. Different circumstances as id broken a rib and he stood behind me said he would look next thing I know he pushed so hard on the rib and I screamed and he said "yes it's broken I can tell and your response was in keeping with a broken rib. I'll send you to hospital "

Well done for stepping in MNHQ, some of those posts were appalling.

I was offered a breast exam whenseeing a consultant about possible gallbladder pain. hmm I had a cardiac surgeon ask, out of interest, to see abscesses on my groin - I declined - wtf!

You're not always warned during tests though. I should imagine for something like this he didn't want you to tense up as that might interfere with the examination. His smirk is not ok though but he might have done it unintentionally (still not ok).

You are always warned about anything that involves vaginal and rectal manipulations.

I remember after a heartbreaking incomplete miscarriage a young-ish male doctor came in to examine me with a young-ish female nurse presumably as chaperone.

The doctor did that thing where they press various parts of your stomach and asked me to say if it hurt. Sometimes parts he pressed didn't hurt but then he pressed the same spot five seconds later and it did. It was all a bit confusing. He made some jocular remark (I wish I could remember exactly what it was) - it wasn't unkind but expressed disbelief that the pain could be so on/off, and fair point, it was odd. Then they both laughed. Not exactly "at" me, but still. I burst into tears and said "It's not funny! I've just lost my baby!"

To their credit they both looked mortified, their faces fell and their laughter switched off like the radio. They both apologised. I think they'd thought they were trying to cheer me up, make a little joke to jolly me along and how wrong they were! I was grateful for their apology. But if I hadn't been upset enough to blurt that out I would still be fuming about it now, because I would not have got that apology and they would not have known they had got it wrong.

I am not sure the point I am trying to make and why I posted it in the first place! I guess to say that they don't always get it right and it's not always for sinister reasons. But you should go with your instinct, OP.

"that inserting anything inside would be uncomfortable."

I'm NOT upset because it hurt. I'm not upset that he examined me. I'm not even upset that he didn't tell me he was going to insert his fingers.

I am upset because he saw a pain response and smirked. 99% of you challenging me on this are doing so because you don't believe that he smirked, because, as multiple PPs have said, "I wasn't there."

I am telling you that he smirked. He didn't smile sympathetically, he didn't frown, he didn't purse his lips and fucking whistle. The very fact that you are doubting my version of events, or my ability, at 31 years old and a fully functioning human being with adequate mental capacity and the ability to read social cues and facial expression, to be correct in my assertion that he was SMIRKING is the very distilled, core, shiny pearl centre of rape culture. Why is my version of events not enough?

Imagine I had told the following story (abridged for time sake): "In a doctor's appointment, the GP was taking my blood pressure and knocked the machine onto my foot. As he picked it up he smirked at me. AIBU in thinking that he was being a jerk?"*
I wonder how many naysayers would flood in telling me that I had misread his facial expression? A fraction of the number on this thread, I'd bet. Because this involves a vagina and possible unprofessional sexually-exploitative behaviour, the victim-blamers are out in droves. Shameful.

*Note for the hard of thinking: this didn't actually happen.

Oh for gods sake, yes you are always told if a hcp is going to shove something in you. I've never had a smear or exam during pregnancy etc without being told that's it's going to happen even if I am then asked to try and relax and given a moment to do so.
Some people on here seem to accept and regard as normal astonishingly shite medical care.

balloonslayer other patients might appreciate medics trying to put them at ease by lightening the mood etc. It's so difficult I think to accurately guess whether each patient would prefer complete gravity or a friendlier more jocular attitude and how they'd respond. All credit to the ones you mention acknowledging their attitude wasn't what you wanted at that moment and changing/apologising. I often think how hard it must be to pitch perfectly each time when they're seeing tens, hundreds sometimes of patients per week all with their own manner and attitude. I know a lot are very deliberately light hearted to cope with what they deal with in the job and stay sane (you don't know what they've just come from, are going to etc). Not sure I could do it!

I hear you OP.

Possibly a reason why people struggle to accept it really happened though is because the idea of someone in a position of trust and authority over us at our most vulnerable could actually be morally corrupt is not what we want to believe.

So there is a tendency to minimise and doubt the bad experience as a wrong interpretation of events from the victim.

You see it time and time again, with the police and other respectable professions as well. We need to believe that they are good and will do us no harm.

This isn't about being good or bad, Sohurt.

This is about being professional. It's really not that hard.

Sorry to hear you went through this.

I think you have misunderstood my post Chardonnay.

I’m completely with the OP and, as I posted upthread, think she should complain so that it goes on record.