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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery debate

304 replies

Adviceplease360 · 13/10/2017 09:21

For the past few days, there have been a number of threads about nurseries and the pros and cons. Personally, I am not keen on nurseries for under 3's and after 3 for 15 hours. What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
victoire1208 · 13/10/2017 21:47

I'm the same Unihorn. I'm not quite the earth mother I thought I would be either but I have enjoyed being a SAHM. I struggle to understand the argument of nursery being superior due to activities, messy play and structure though. I think there is a lot of merit in a child shadowing a primary carer. Even if it's just to post a parcel; that child is being socialised and constantly learning. And there are days my dd will sit in the crook of my arm slobbing watching cbeebies but her contentment and happiness is palpable. I never feel her existence in our little bubble isn't meeting her needs. She's awesome!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 13/10/2017 21:50

Those who don’t “agree with nurseries”, what do you propose people do with their children when they work and have no family for support? Leave them in the baby walker at home? Think SS might be a bit Hmm

My DD did 2 days a week at Nursery, my DS will also do 2 days next year. I’m such an awful mum sending them to a place with friends and TOYS . I even heard a rumour that they play all day. It’s like being in a Russian gulag I imagine

HelloSquirrels · 13/10/2017 21:57

Even if it's just to post a parcel; that child is being socialised and constantly learning

Maybe but i dont think it compares to activities nurseries do. After all they are trained to care for children and as much as not everything is about education i think it helps them get ahead. But then i am the first to admit that nursery do a better job 8 hours a day than i would.

Winebomb · 13/10/2017 22:09

Ha, posting a parcel.

We treat children as so special, of course my son LOVES posting letters, but he has so many ideas above this that he benefited from having a key worker at nursery and me working with them.

I could name them but I would then be accused of boasting..

Not to mention posting parcels is still an isolated task.

victoire1208 · 13/10/2017 22:29

Ha, building lego with a 18 year old nvq student.

HelloSquirrels · 13/10/2017 22:37

Ah yes because that's all kids do at nursery isnt it?

timeisnotaline · 13/10/2017 23:55

A good nursery is fabulous. And traditional 1-1 parent care is bollocks because traditionally children had a bunch of siblings and neighbours and no one had time for individual attention, especially before they invented the washing machine.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 14/10/2017 00:00

Ugh the smugness of some SAHMs (who clearly know fuck all about Nursery). If only my DD did anything as stimulating as posting a parcel

Morphene · 14/10/2017 00:07

laurie well quite...that was my point exactly. Putting your children in childcare is a lifestyle choice - and a perfectly acceptable one.

Morphene · 14/10/2017 00:10

snow that seems an extreme way to react to opinions you don't happen to share...let go the guilt...you might not feel so bad reading what others think then....

MessyBun247 · 14/10/2017 06:31

Wow the poster wasn't being smug when she said about posting a parcel. She has a valid point that children learn from everyday activities and getting out and about in the world with a loving carer. In nursery some children are mainly in one room for most of the day 5 days a week, so of course the workers have to do activities to keep the children (and themselves) stimulated. In both situation the children will be learning and having fun. As long as the children have caring, supportive, responsive carers around them, that is what matters and will make the difference to the child's happiness and development.

MessyBun247 · 14/10/2017 06:40

This thread is getting really nasty. Some of you are so obviously deferensive about your choices, being horrible to others who have a different opinion. You put your child in nursery, they enjoyed it, great. But that doesn't mean people who didn't are inferior and their child hasn't learnt as much. Honestly, speaking as an ex nursery worker (baby and toddler rooms), the activities a child does aren't so important. What an under-3yo wants and needs is a kind and loving adult who will cuddle them when they are insecure, praise them when they are doing something well and give them lots of attention so they feel confident and happy in their surroundings. Whether that's a parent, other family member or nursery worker, the child will thrive.

CbeebiesAddict · 14/10/2017 08:19

DH and I have four days of annual leave later this month and DS will be going to nursery as usual. Having DS has pushed our marriage to its limits and DH and I need the time to reconnect (no family in the area so annual leave is the only way we can do this). I think it's in DS' interests to have happy parents who love each other and a stable home life.

surferjet · 14/10/2017 08:38

I don’t get the ‘they do so many activities’ thing.
What ‘activities can an 18 month old do all day? all mine did at that age was stick everything in his mouth, up his nose, or chucked it on the floor.
If a child is at nursery from 8.00 till 6.00, that’s 7 hours a day of ‘activities’. ( I’m taking 3 hours off for sleep / lunch / tea )

What toddler will be able to cope with that? jeez even I’d be exhausted Grin
I don’t believe for one second kids in nursery are doing these wonderful activities all day long, they’re physically & mentally not up for it, so I’m guessing they spend a fair chunk of the day just wandering around picking their nose.

Freezingwinter · 14/10/2017 10:28

That is absolute rubbish. At 18 months they are quite happy to sit and play with a toy, and nursery have tons of those. They can go on push alongs, trikes, sandpit, paint, messy play, sit for stories. In my child's development book while he was in the 1-2 age he did all of those things! He even did fruit tasting one afternoon. Ive seen the photos and he's having a great time! Haven't you ever heard of parents saying their child sleeps well when they've been at nursery?! Please don't make sweeping statements unless you've got a clue what you're talkinf about.

Steeley113 · 14/10/2017 10:49

Oh yes, how terrible that all those doctors, nurses, teachers, social workers, care assistants all put their children in nursery. They should be at home with their children rather than helping others... oh wait 🤔🙄😂

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 14/10/2017 10:57

Ofsted would have a field day if children never left a room. At my DD’s old Nursery they went for village walks and in summer were barely indoors, not even to eat. What do people think nurseries actually do?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 14/10/2017 10:58

Clue - it’s not ‘building Lego with a 18yo NVQ student’. What utter twat really thinks that?!

YellowMakesMeSmile · 14/10/2017 10:58

Steeley, yes they should all be posting parcels, how very dare they be educating children and saving lives ...

Damnthatonestaken · 14/10/2017 11:00

So many simpletons on this forum who can only see life in black and white (the why did you have a child if you work comments) i feel sorry for anyone who cant comprehend anything in the world outside their tiny little box

Freezingwinter · 14/10/2017 11:04

It's kinda offensive to those nvq students too?! Lol.
My sons first key worker was 19 and I admit when I walked in I thought, how am I going to trust you with my child?! She was the most fantastic, lovely person. She cared for him 2 days a week for over a year! In that time she taught him so much, he came home talking about her and I have seen photos of them together. I am SO glad he had her, she was fantastic and her age and qualifications paled into insignificance when I look at how she loved my son!

Damnthatonestaken · 14/10/2017 11:23

Yes, watching ceebies and being happy and content is stricktly the preserve of sahm. Those of us who work couldn't possibly experience our kids bei g happyHmm

HelloSquirrels · 14/10/2017 13:15

What ‘activities can an 18 month old do all day?

Really?

Mine does all sorts! They have independant play, then more structured things like treasure hunts in the sand pit. Exploring outside looking for things like leaves, flowers, whatever else. They do a lot of craft. They have circle time where they chat and sing every day. They read with them. They bake. They do all sorts.

18 month olds arent newborns.

brasty · 14/10/2017 14:17

Kids do enjoy simple things like posting letters. I worked in a nursery, and the kids enjoy the simplest things.

MadeleineMaxwell · 14/10/2017 15:03

Our nursery is a forest one, they have their own allotment where they grow their own food for their meals. They have a massive garden and go on insect hunts and nature education stuff. They have a music man come in every Friday. They've been to a farm, regularly go to the parks around here, do crafts, have educational visits (e.g. the creepy crawly people) - all manner of stuff. Plus he eats a bigger variety of food at nursery than he will at home thanks to peer pressure. And I'm sure there's a fair amount of nose-picking that goes on too.

Absolutely you could theoretically do all that at home, but I personally can't. Nursery isn't toxic nor is it perfect, but the same goes for SAHPing. Whatever works for you is best.

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