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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nursery debate

304 replies

Adviceplease360 · 13/10/2017 09:21

For the past few days, there have been a number of threads about nurseries and the pros and cons. Personally, I am not keen on nurseries for under 3's and after 3 for 15 hours. What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Adviceplease360 · 13/10/2017 18:50

Time for a name change fruit

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 13/10/2017 18:52

has anybody mentioned day orphanages yet?

AccrualIntentions · 13/10/2017 18:56

There's no one-size fits all. What works for you and your child won't necessarily work for me and mine. I trust parents to make the best decision for their child and their family, rather than succumb to a poorly-evidenced guilt trip by an internet random.

AccrualIntentions · 13/10/2017 18:58

I'm up North and a quick look on Rightmove shows the cheapest 4 bed near me at £249k

Ditto. I could get the 4 bed for £80k if I moved out to the arse end of some former pit village with no jobs, shit transport links and no opportunities for my child.

Ktown · 13/10/2017 19:00

It depends on the child. My child thrived at nursery. But I picked a nice one with excellent people.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 19:03

But full time nursery for under 3s is never in the interest of the child

Well it could be. The alternative is the parent cannot work so child lives in poverty and is isolated because parent can't afford to go out much and do activities. How can you say it's never in the child's interest when so many much more successful societies than ours have kids in nursery care from much younger than 3? What is it that makes nurseries so bad? Is it the number of kids there? The staff? You do realise that not all stay at home parents knit muesli all day and do finger-painting? Many shove their kids in front of the TV (and some do much worse than that).

Ironically, MNHQ emailed to tell me they were thinking of suspending my account because I was making anti-parent remarks on this thread. . I doubt they contacted all the posters who said that sending your child to nursery is tantamount to child abuse and that living in rented accommodation is a 'lifestyle choice'. But hey ho...

Mittens92 · 13/10/2017 19:04

I wasn't keen on sending to my son nursery either! I was adamant he was not going but then I realised it's not fair my OH looks after him all the time and plus he will have to go work once I come home from work and uni. So we took the plunge and see how it goes and honestly he is absolutely thriving! He loves playing with other LOs cos he is our only child, he has learned many things overall he just loves it! I don't regret sending him now cos I know he is benefiting from going and the nursery nurses do an amazing job taking care of him

WanderingTrolley1 · 13/10/2017 19:06
Biscuit
Unihorn · 13/10/2017 19:08

Before having my daughter I did always feel a bit sad for babies in nursery 5 full days a week. It must mean parents only see them two days a week and presumably 1-2 hours through the weekdays, meaning they see them less than nursery practitioners. Since listening to a crying baby for almost a year though I understand slightly more Grin

My husband and I are shift workers so luckily we manage to sort childcare between us and my daughter will be starting nursery soon aged 1 for one full day a week. I will likely increase this as she gets older to prepare her for proper nursery at 3. I understand we're lucky to be in a position that allows us to make this choice however and I certainly wouldn't judge those who need to work and use childcare.

By the way there are plenty of 4 beds for under £100k near me in Wales (94 in fact!) but I probably wouldn't want to live in them!

Wallywobbles · 13/10/2017 19:09

50 hours a week with a childminder would be standard in France. Nurseries and crèches are more rare.

HelloSquirrels · 13/10/2017 19:14

But full time nursery for under 3s is never in the interest of the child

Certainly was for mine. Nursery engages him much more than i can. They offer activities and social oppurtunuties that i cant. They are all trained to do their jobs and have much more knowledge and understanding of early years than i do.

Obviously i love my child, i did my best when i was off with him, took him to places to socialise etc but i didnt feel i was giving him enough. Plus i still had stuff that needed doing like cleaning, errands and supermarket shopping and he got dragged along with me. At nursery all activities are child focused. He gets to spend time outside. His speech is phenomenal. He sings me nursery rhymes at 17 months old.

It also allows me to work, to earn money to look after him, feed him, clothe him and take him places he otherwise wouldn't get to see. It allows me time to be an adult and speak to other adults and as a result of that i enjoy my time with him so much more than i did when he was by my side 24/7.

It works for us. Doesnt work for everyone. Doesnt have to.

grannytomine · 13/10/2017 19:23

Some of mine went to nursery and some didn't. Some had care from granny. I had to work and it was hard back in the 70s, so hard to get a nursery place and childminders weren't as strictly regulated and I'm pretty sure they looked after more children. I do query this, I will say though that the statement that some children are in childcare more than 8 hours a day 5 days a week, 51 weeks a year the saddest thing I've read today

So who did you think looked after the children of the millions of full time working parents? They would be 'in childcare' at home too but their parents would be providing the childcare. Seriously, don't blast parents who have to work. In Scandinavia, there are much fewer stay at home parents and the state provides accessible childcare. I would not say their societies are riddled with problems. Fulltime workers don't work 51 weeks a year. When people are having a week off work don't they want to spend that time with the child? Maybe there is a reason but I don't get that.

Mrsyorkie · 13/10/2017 19:23

My baby will be starting at nursery at 10 months old. I desperately didn't want this but I need to go back to work for financial reasons- not for fun! The reason I didn't want him to go to nursery is because of my issues- I want to be with him and I will miss him so much. I am returning to work part time so he will attend for 3 days. I went to visit the nursery and I know he will be fine. I could see the staff adored the children and the children appeared to be having fun and happy. The "choice" would be to be a SAHM but reality (money) means this isn't an option at this time.

Icanhearmynebioursshouting · 13/10/2017 19:25

My dad went fro
Around 6 months she has tons of friends, speech is amazing her developement is off the charts her teachers adore her..I think it's the best thing we could of done for her. She now has friends that she will then go to school with and not have to worry about going to school without my friends.

grannytomine · 13/10/2017 19:25

Mrsyorkie, I hope it goes OK. I can remember lying on the bed crying the night before I returned to work. It does get easier.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 19:27

Fulltime workers don't work 51 weeks a year. When people are having a week off work don't they want to spend that time with the child? Maybe there is a reason but I don't get that

I think it was probably an exaggeration. I certainly don't know anyone who would put their child in full time nursery during their annual leave though they may still put them in for a few hours so as not to break the routine too much. But most full time workers work 48 weeks a year, which is nearly the same.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 13/10/2017 19:27

I would use a good nursery if I needed to but would always avoid a childminder or nanny for many many reasons.

Judging parents that use childcare to work is silly, surely we want parents to be responsible and provide and the worker and nursery staff are likely both paying tax so contributing. Nurseries also set children up with good early years education and children grow up seeing their parents work so are likely to do the same. Win win really.

gammaraystar · 13/10/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HelloSquirrels · 13/10/2017 19:31

I had children because I wanted to raise them and be with them. I guess we don't all feel the same which is fine. I do always feel sorry for these poor babies that go from 6 months though

What a shitty thing to say.

Timeforachange2016 · 13/10/2017 19:39

My two went to a lovely nursery full time from around 18 months. Although I feel like I missed out a bit I think it was great for them and they both got so much out of it. They are both now in school and are confident, well behaved and make friends easily...I honestly think that nursery gave them a real head start in life!

grannytomine · 13/10/2017 19:41

I think it was probably an exaggeration. I certainly don't know anyone who would put their child in full time nursery during their annual leave though they may still put them in for a few hours so as not to break the routine too much. But most full time workers work 48 weeks a year, which is nearly the same. Legally fulltime workers get 5.6 weeks leave a year but that can include bank holidays although lots of employers do give extra. Maybe 51 weeks was just an exaggeration, just surprised me.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 19:42

I had children because I wanted to raise them and be with them. I guess we don't all feel the same which is fine. I do always feel sorry for these poor babies that go from 6 months though

Biscuit

Funnily enough the sort of sanctimonious rubbish my parents would come out with. They (especially my dad) were extremely emotionally abusive and kept us very reclusive until we started school where unsurprisingly we didn't fit in very well and were bullied for being a bit strange. I did not benefit from being with my parents 24/7 and I am sure it would have done me and my confidence a world of good to have gone to nursery from a young age.

GinIsIn · 13/10/2017 19:46

Each to their own, @gammaraystar - personally I would feel far more sorry for children being raised 1 on 1 by someone tactless and judgemental.....

QueenNefertitty · 13/10/2017 19:51

@gamma

How awful of you to say that!!

Im beyond devastated that my relationship fell apart and I've had to put my 1yo in a nursery 3 days per week so I can go back to work. I planned on staying at home until he was 3. Every day I feel ripped to shreds that he's at nursery, and not with me, so don't you DARE infer that mothers putting their children in nurseries don't want to raise them.

I want to raise my son, but I also want to raise him above the poverty line. So I go to work to provide the best life I can, for him. Every decision I make is with his best interests in mind, but sometimes both ends of the stick are a bit shitty.

Must be nice and shit free up there where you are, looking down on the rest of us.

Mrsyorkie · 13/10/2017 20:02

Thank you grannytomine! Fingers crossed, we're a few months away from it but it's something that is on my mind a lot.