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Original poster

Nursery debate

304 replies

Adviceplease360 · 13/10/2017 09:21

For the past few days, there have been a number of threads about nurseries and the pros and cons. Personally, I am not keen on nurseries for under 3's and after 3 for 15 hours. What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
Someoneasdumbasthis · 13/10/2017 14:10

Well bully for you OP.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 14:11

We manage childcare between ourselves, it has meant not progressing work wise to allow more flexibility, living in our starter home instead of moving into a bigger home/nicer area but it works for us now

So why start the debate then? It works for you which is great, but nursery clearly works for many others which is great too. Surely you must know that a general 'are nurseries bad' thread would open a can of worms?

Morphene · 13/10/2017 14:28

daisy and you are still attached by an inflexible umbilical cord of some sort?

Morphene · 13/10/2017 14:35

For the people saying that putting their children in childcare is not a choice, but something they have been forced to do, can I ask you to imagine what you would have done if (for some crazy reason) childcare was illegal?

Would you have simply not had children, or would you have changed your lives, where you lived, how you worked to enable you to look after those children yourself?

If you'd have opted for childlessness then fair enough...only the existence of childcare has enabled you to reproduce. If you'd have found away then it is a choice to have put your children in childcare. A perfectly reasonable choice and not one you should feel any doubt or guilt about - but a CHOICE.

Notreallyarsed · 13/10/2017 14:38

I really don’t see the need for debate. We all make choices that work for our own families, why does what someone else does impact you in the slightest? The short answer is that it doesn’t.

Goosegrass · 13/10/2017 14:38

And if your work didn’t offer flexible or part-time? FFS

DaisyRaine90 · 13/10/2017 14:42

My point was that it’s not always so easy to uproot yourself. There are plenty in the SE who can’t move away due to ill family members etc. Not everyone who lives in the SE does so because they can afford to

KatharinaRosalie · 13/10/2017 14:45

So OP if your solution works for you, why do you want to debate nurseries?

Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/10/2017 14:48

Another one without the luxury of choice. I sent mine to a Montessori that was tiny and family run. I read some horror stories once and then picked up dd1 from nursery. Her keyworker told me she had been sleeping on her lap most of that day and I never really worried about it again. Dd2 was very particular about staff but god she loved those nn!
My children are well adjusted and very outgoing and confident. Hth

HarryPottersBroomstick · 13/10/2017 14:51

www.amazon.co.uk/Raising-Babies-Your-Love-Best/dp/0007221924

Steve biddulph's book explores this very topic. He believes nursery is harmful to the under 3s.

However, harmful or not, most people, including myself, don't have a choice about staying at home until the child is older.

Interesting reading nonetheless.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/10/2017 14:59

I find it bizarre that some people interpret parenting as spending every waking moment with your kids. Part of parenting is letting them have opportunities outside of the home/away from you. Even if I didn't work, I would still let my DS go to nursery. He has his little friends, he enjoys the group activities, they have different toys there, he learns to interact with other people, he learns to share and spend time with lots of different children from different backgrounds, he learns new phrases and words at nursery all the time. Peer/group learning is something that I really value so nursery is essential for that. He gets to be part of a nativity, they have a nursery pet that they learn to take care of. There are so many advantages, and I love to see how happy he is when we drop him off and pick him up. He loves to show us what he has been doing there in the day, he beams with pride when he hands us a painting he has made. My DS goes 3 days per week, which means he has 4 days at home (2 just with me, 2 with both me and DH). He is getting the benefits of both situations and I wouldn't want to change that.

LaurieMarlow · 13/10/2017 15:00

I will say though that the statement that some children are in childcare more than 8 hours a day 5 days a week, 51 weeks a year the saddest thing I've read today

I call bullshit on this because I've never come across a nursery that opened 51 weeks a year.

Oysterbabe · 13/10/2017 15:05

Our nursery opens 52 weeks a year Confused

DaisyRaine90 · 13/10/2017 15:06

My daughters old nursery opened 50 weeks a year 😊

Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/10/2017 15:07

More guilt culture

Mittens1969 · 13/10/2017 15:09

I put DD1 into nursery from 21/2 and DD1 from 11/2. Just for 2 mornings (I’m a SAHM). They both really benefited from the experience; in fact I did it with DD2 as early as I did because she was so clingy and wouldn’t let anyone apart from DH or me look after her. She used to scream if I ever left her with someone while I was making a cup of tea or going to the toilet. Nursery made such a difference. (They’re both adopted so object permanence was something they felt hard to grasp hence the separation anxiety.)

A very goady post imo. Hmm

Mia1415 · 13/10/2017 15:10

My son's old nursery was open 52 weeks a year! (thank goodness!)

LaurieMarlow · 13/10/2017 15:13

For the people saying that putting their children in childcare is not a choice, but something they have been forced to do, can I ask you to imagine what you would have done if (for some crazy reason) childcare was illegal?

What a stupid question. What people are saying is that it's not a choice in the confines of the life they currently lead. The hypothetical situation you posit (leaving aside that it makes no logical sense) would give rise to different behaviors.

Freezingwinter · 13/10/2017 15:25

I wouldn't have been able to have children without nursery / childminder / someone else's help. I can't afford NOT to work, I worked bloody hard to get to where I am too, and I do a job I know my children will glow with pride when they talk about me when they're older!
I use a nursery twice a week and have done since my son was 1. Everyone and anyone comments on what a happy, sociable, laid back and clever little boy he is. I don't really care why you started this thread, I think you wanted to cause bad feeling and guilt and General fireworks. I just wanted to let you know it didn't work with me, I am more than confident with my choice and parenting Smile

Winterwonderblue · 13/10/2017 15:49

OP how old is your child? And what age don't you agree with, under 3? Or over 3?

I wouldn't personally put a child under 2 in nusery because they natural suffer from separation anxiety up until the age of 2.
I put my dc in nusery for 9 hrs per week from age 2.5 because he was very sociable and enjoyed it i think more so because it was only 3hrs per day over 3 days so it was like a little play group for him to play with kids his own age.

Original poster
Adviceplease360 · 13/10/2017 15:56

Why not have a debate? I don't understand why everyone who is happy and comfortable with their decisions gets defensive? I have never asked another parent this in real life precisely because people get so upset and annoyed, I thought anyou anonymous online forum is a better place to ask a question. If you don't want to participate in the debate, don't. Steve bidduplh and why love matters were eye opening books for me and really helped make our ddecisions

OP posts:
Original poster
Adviceplease360 · 13/10/2017 15:59

As for causing bad feeling or guilt, I nor can anyone make another person feel a particular way, it's impossible to enforce a feeling onto someone else.

OP posts:
Justanothernameonthepage · 13/10/2017 16:02

Well if childcare was illegal, both DH and I would have to work part time, halting our careers, minimising our pension, increasing reliance on the state, and scraping to get buy. We wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy family time, we'd have the spectre of not being able to get by if one of us lost our jobs hanging over us. Our children wouldn't get the benefit of being around children their own age and be living with stressed out parents (always fun that). Our marriage would suffer since we wouldn't be able to go on nights out (no childcare extending to babysitters). In fact the increased reliance on the state by all parents and increase on social services could cause rising taxes, stressed populace, loss of skilled workers and increased costs, leading to Revolution.
So I guess I'd actually be trying to learn the lyrics to Les Miserables.
Now, what would you do if you had to live in a house made of sweets? Go for something like boiled sweet bricks (touch sticky) or liquorice logs?

Winterwonderblue · 13/10/2017 16:03

@Adviceplease360 iv always been interested in this. Iv also done some research on it. I read just a few hours per week from 2 is fine.
I could work out what you were saying.
Was it 15 hrs under 3 or over 3?

tinypop4 · 13/10/2017 16:03

My dd went to a cm because it was my preference as she was still under one. I was so happy with the cm she was brilliant.
When it came to ds I looked for a cm (couldn't use the same as changed jobs and areas) and it was a nightmare. Had a couple of terrible experiences and put him in a nursery just before he was 2 although I didn't initially want to. He absolutely loves it, it's a brilliant place and I'm now really happy he is there.
I really don't think it matters- whatever makes you and your child happy