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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is DD hinting that she is a lesbian?

181 replies

chisteck · 13/10/2017 00:50

Hello, just curious really, as that's what I'm thinking.

DD is a massive feminist. She will spend hours debating with people. She said tonight that it's a shame she is attracted to men as she's never going to be keen on the way heterosexual relationships work (that women need to be wined and dined and be looked after, etc.) and thinks this will be a problem for future relationships.

I don't know, it seemed very much like she was hinting. It doesn't matter. I'm just wondering if I should ask her.

OP posts:
OpheIiaBaIIs · 13/10/2017 11:29

Ravenmum so even as her father laughs at her, she's meant to say 'Of course I'll wash your scads, daddy dearest'?

Hell no.

MsUnderstanding · 13/10/2017 11:30

what the only straight relationship your DD has knowledge of. Yours and DHs? Sounds like she is reacting against or has some issues with this dynamic. Tell her it's fine to go off and do It her way when the time is right, yours and DHs way of doing things are your own.

ravenmum · 13/10/2017 11:31

Ophelia No, she can say "Do your own washing". Just miss out the sweary bit :)

Note that the drip feed on what a troll her dad is came only after the "rude" comments. And people were just pointing out that she is not rude because she is a feminist - that feminism does not automatically equal being bolshy.

Looneytune253 · 13/10/2017 11:31

I don’t think she sounds immature at all, quite the opposite in fact. My daughter is similar (though only 13) and we have been talking about sexuality. I can understand what your daughter means but just reassure her that there are good men out there and she will find one that looks at the world the way she does. There’s gotta be some.

Original poster
chisteck · 13/10/2017 11:32

Can someone please explain why having my views are outdated? Look at all other species on this earth, they're built differently to accommodate different tasks. The men are strong to collect food and the women stay to raise their young. It isn't that odd to think it should continue (not necessarily should) for our species. We follow the same trend of being built differently.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 13/10/2017 11:34

Why is her dad expecting her to do his washing and cook him dinner? Does he want all three women in the house running around looking after him?

Continually "joking" about something she feels deeply about is not acceptable. He is winding her up. What is it about feminism that he finds particularly entertaining and amusing, to the extent that he keeps joking about it despite it continually upsetting your daughter?

OpheIiaBaIIs · 13/10/2017 11:34

The men are strong to collect food and the women stay to raise their young

And here was us thinking you'd time travelled from 1955.

We were about 10000 years out.

Original poster
chisteck · 13/10/2017 11:34

Raven he isn't that bad. She is rude!

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 13/10/2017 11:36

Oh but you do sometimes have to challenge disrespect quite forcefully, actually. Especially when you are a young woman pushing back at a man who is putting you down and dismissing who you are.

Incidentally, it really irritates me when adults, who should know better and who should be much more in control of their behaviours, who aren't deep in that very turbulent time of teenagehood/young adulthood, behave really very badly and then blame the younger person for not behaving well.

Original poster
chisteck · 13/10/2017 11:36

@AssassinatedBeauty he actually says that women are moaning in this country when they shouldn't be and we should actually be supporting the women in different religions and races across the world who do actually have something to moan about and I absolutely agree with him.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 13/10/2017 11:36

I'm not sure you have to be that strong to order from Tesco's. Mentally strong, maybe.

Chisteck, your views are a bit old-fashioned, but you're not the only one to think that way. You're entitled to your views, just like your daughter. You want her to respect you, you and her dad are going to have to respect her.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 11:37

Can someone please explain why having my views are outdated? Look at all other species on this earth, they're built differently to accommodate different tasks. The men are strong to collect food and the women stay to raise their young. It isn't that odd to think it should continue (not necessarily should) for our species. We follow the same trend of being built differently

Your poor, poor DD. I feel for her so much- having a mum who is straight outta 1955. That explains a lot though about you and why you automatically think feminist=lesbian. I am so glad that your DD sees through it all for the wanky bullshit that it is.

MrsJayy · 13/10/2017 11:38

Your Dd has seen you doing the cooking and cleaning and running about after the family her dad in her eyes did no parenting didn't nothing to support you just came in and said what is for dinner she is angry at that however she is rude to her dad which isn't acceptable imo btw does your Dd make her own fucking dinner?

ravenmum · 13/10/2017 11:40

There's no rule that says you can only complain about inequality when it is above a certain level.

OpheIiaBaIIs · 13/10/2017 11:41

women are moaning in this country when they shouldn't be

There's a thread in Chat at the moment where women are talking about their experiences of sexual assault. I'd show that to him, then ask if he thinks women in this country still don't have a right to 'moan'.

And that's before we even begin to think about employment inequality, sex work/trafficking, DV...

It's not a race to the bottom, you know.

Original poster
chisteck · 13/10/2017 11:41

No, I was just asking why it's seen as outdating? Why isn't it for other species??

Actually MrsJay not always Grin DH says this to her. She says she'd never ask what's for dinner (to be honest, that's true) and that if I wasn't cooking a meal, she wouldn't at all assume I was going to be. She'd just make her own. I don't mind doing it though and she could just ask and I'd cook her a meal, I am at home all day and do feel like that's my job. I find it much better than being at work all day Grin

OP posts:
ravenmum · 13/10/2017 11:43

Why are we different to other species? You mean, why don't we still live in caves?

Original poster
chisteck · 13/10/2017 11:43

@OpheIiaBaIIs the sexual assault, etc. is something DD has really educated me on and I do agree that it's very wrong how many cases there are. DH would feel awkward talking about that with DD.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 13/10/2017 11:44

But that's not a joke, what's funny about that? A comment like that is attempting to start an argument/debate about feminism. It's an ignorant and thoughtless comment as it happens, as it's perfectly possible to do both things. And the fact that women have a terrible time elsewhere doesn't mean that it's alright for there to be continuing low level sexism in the UK.

Are all the women complaining about Harvey Weinstein being unreasonable because they live in the US/UK etc?

ravenmum · 13/10/2017 11:45

Your daughter really needs to move out soon Grin

OpheIiaBaIIs · 13/10/2017 11:45

No, I was just asking why it's seen as outdating? Why isn't it for other species??

We don't piss in fields, either. And cows don't have hospitals and schools.

Your argument makes zilch sense.

HolgerDanske · 13/10/2017 11:46

He would feel awkward, would he?? Imagine how awkward it is for all the women actually living with this shit while people sit around laughing and joking and berating women for not somehow fixing problems in another country on another continent!

Well maybe he bloody needs to feel awkward for a while.

Seriously seriously depressing to read threads like this.

Original poster
chisteck · 13/10/2017 11:47

@AssassinatedBeauty that wasn't one of his jokes. His jokes consist of things such as:

  • why else do you think I was pleased to have 2 daughters? (WRT something about cooking/cleaning, etc.)
  • maybe they should start housewife club at school.
Just stupid stuff like that, where he clearly isn't being serious.

She's still in sixth form, so no moving out yet. I'd assume in September (plans on uni)

OP posts:
ravenmum · 13/10/2017 11:50

Well, by the time she gets to uni she will at least be well trained and ready to join the debating society.

OpheIiaBaIIs · 13/10/2017 11:53

Just stupid stuff like that, where he clearly isn't being serious

Thing is, shit like this is insidious. A lifetime of it can wear you down. As, frankly, it seems to have done to you, OP.

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