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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider letting ds have day off?

315 replies

singadream · 12/10/2017 23:46

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

OP posts:
luckylavender · 14/10/2017 16:46

Even at his young age it's a poor lesson to teach him.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/10/2017 16:49

*LaughingElliot?

You are incredibly rude. Why do you bother?

PandorasXbox · 14/10/2017 16:52

I can see why you’d want to but what will you do when he asks to do it again?

Original poster
singadream · 14/10/2017 16:53

@witcheshatrim oh I have. Following with interest. Just not replying to every message because... what's the point? Interested to hear everyone's views though.

OP posts:
Chrisinthemorning · 14/10/2017 16:57

Iam- I spend the weekends with DS and DH. We still have lovely days together in the holidays as well as at weekends. Not quite sure what you're getting at?

CoyoteCafe · 14/10/2017 17:19

So lie to your school, lie to your siblings, we can have this lovely day but it will be our little secret, you can't tall to your friends about it either or we'll get in trouble.

I totally agree with this. I'm a former teacher, and I honestly don't an issue with a child who otherwise has good attendance having the odd day off BUT lying within the family is extremely dysfunctional.

It is exactly what a child predator would do. "Don't tell anyone. It's our little secret. This is a special thing between the two of us." Don't do that -- teach your child that if an adult wants to keep a little secret, run for the hills and tell a safe person!

If you can't tell your spouse, and you can't tell your other children, then don't do it!

And if you are going to let a child have a day off, there needs to be a family policy for all kids in the family. Every body gets one day per school year or school term or whatever -- but it needs to be the same for everyone or it's extremely dysfunction. It will come out in the open at some point, and it will effect not only your other children, but the one that you have favored. Do you really want to drive a wedge in his relationships with his siblings that way?

Cab65 · 14/10/2017 17:37

My daughter took my granddaughter out of school for three days to go on holiday last year when she was still only four and the school fined her sixty pounds.

FaveNumberIs2 · 14/10/2017 17:43

You are being unreasonable, and at his young age, it would be a very bad habit to get in to.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/10/2017 17:51

Are you sure about that, can?

In my area it's the LA who issue fines, not the school.

Jellyrunner · 14/10/2017 18:07

you don't have the right to make this decision, there are 2 of you responsible for your ds. Taking him out of school without agreeing with dh that it is the right thing to do is irresponsible and not within your gift. You must be one of the mums who for some reason think 'they know best' Well guess what? you don't.

user1495656648 · 14/10/2017 18:13

Do it 😊 my 4 year old has just had a week off, genuinely poorly on antibiotics etc. but from him being at home i saw how much he benifited from a little time out from school and he got to spend quality time with me. Mental health and keeping a healthy balance is just as important as physical health. It sounds like it will be benifical to his emotional well being too. Id tell the school and the family he was feeling under the weather and keeping him off to keep an eye on him

Cab65 · 14/10/2017 18:16

It probably was the LA but all I know is that she had to pay £120 for two children one four and one nine. It certainly did not pay to be honest.

TwoBobs · 14/10/2017 18:19

I would do it. Test his temperature that morning and say "oooh DS you've got a temperature, I'd better keep you off school". You don't need to say what the temperature is but DS and DD will both say to school DS had a temperature.

I kept both my two off 2 afternoons a week for the first term of reception. No regrets whatsoever. Has it affected their education? Not a jot!

Xmasbaby11 · 14/10/2017 18:22

No I would not do it. Sends a bad message and as if time off school is a treat.

If he's missing time with you alone, sort out your weekends to have some time together then.

pollymere · 14/10/2017 18:25

Plan something lovely to do during half term and get him involved in planning. He may not realise that he will get holiday!

mummyguts · 14/10/2017 18:31

let him take a day off, he's just a child, making sure he knows you've got time for him, and reinforcing your relationship is more important than one day at school.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/10/2017 18:46

You don't need to say what the temperature is but DS and DD will both say to school DS had a temperature.

Anyone who used the term "he has a temperature" would know that meant a high temperature. Even those thick school staff who are so easily confused.

Maireadplastic · 14/10/2017 19:35

It's so tempting, my youngest (of 3) wants the same. I'm not going to do it- I know he'll keep nagging for more days off in the (not very distant) future. But then, I've been doing this for 14 years......

Tree83 · 14/10/2017 20:11

I fully understand your child wanting time with just you, but giving him a day off for this sets him up to expecting you to

helsinkihelen · 14/10/2017 20:12

Haven't read the whole thread, but yes I would. I think middle children most probably get overlooked, and a day with you and your undivided attention would most probably do him (and you) a lot of good. I'd go about it in a different way. I'd just tell him he had a temperature during the night and you want him to stay off school to rest. Then he doesn't have to worry about lying to anyone.

Tree83 · 14/10/2017 20:14

Poops, didn’t mean to post!

...expecting you to give him days off regularly. It’s also unfair in the others.
Can you not find some you hand him time at a weekend? Or possible take it in turns with his older sister that they have an extra hour out of bed on a Saturday night to spend with you?

Juliammy · 14/10/2017 20:57

You should definitely do it!
It's your child (not school's) and you should do what feels right!
If you don't, you'll regret it when he is older and no longer needs a day with you. He will remember that day forever - that's what will stay in his memory, not a mum that made sure he went to school every day!
Little things like that make memories and shape one's personality.

WitchesHatRim · 14/10/2017 21:01

He will remember that day forever

Pretty sure he won't.

Little things like that make memories and shape one's personality.

Yes because excluding your siblings from your day and lying to them and your DF make for great memories.

intimeandspace · 14/10/2017 21:53

Just do it

Wishithoughtbeforeispeak · 14/10/2017 22:05

do it you'll have a lovely day it won't have any effect on his school work , they have so much put on to them once they start school I can totally understand his request my youngest has started school this term and I've fought for him to go part time as it's a big change from nursery he's only been there 5 weeks and this next week is facing phonics testing to set them in to ability groups I was shocked that they are already being tested when they had really only just started! It's so much pressure on such young children. Lying is a pain but sometimes a little white lye doesn't hurt but then I've phone my oldest son in sick for two days every year so we can have a long weekend away each year, some years I've been honest with the teachers and they have said oh so you going to phone him in sick or shall I mark it unauthorised! They don't mind if it is only once