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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider letting ds have day off?

315 replies

singadream · 12/10/2017 23:46

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

OP posts:
brasty · 15/10/2017 13:07

I do feel sorry for your DD.

Floellabumbags · 15/10/2017 13:31

guessing you don't work?

Guess you wish you didn't have to.

woosey35 · 15/10/2017 14:14

I’d do it!! I have done it!!

But actually you don’t have to lie about it. I think this will teach your son to pretend he’s ill to get what he wants....I’ve seen kids grow up like this and it’s draining!!
Wait for a day when he’s particularly tired, a bit run down etc and then jump on it!! Tell the school he’s not well. And tel your daughter and husband he’s not well. There’s a big umbrella covering the term “not well”. You get a nice day with your just tired son, and he’s unwell in others eyes.
There will be plenty of opportunities for this to occur this side of Christmas..kids are exhausted this term.

Enjoy it.....I’ve had very special days with all of my children at times like this

Pinky333777 · 15/10/2017 14:28

I think it’s send out the wrong message to your child.
That it’s okay to shirk responsibilities.
That it’s okay to lie to authority (school) and it’s fine to go behind sister and fathers back and lie to them and keep secrets.
As lovely as such a day would be, can’t you organise childcare on a weekend or share care with oh to give him a day of just the two of you?
You’d probably need to do the same for the other two children as well though.

Pinky333777 · 15/10/2017 14:31

Oh, another option is wait for an inset day at school... try to set up a play date for your daughter at one of her friends, other son I assume would still have nursery.
Boom, a day for two x

Alasdair53 · 15/10/2017 15:48

I'm quite sure there'll be a day when he might be a bit under the weather that you could feel legit about having off. It has to be said that school is not compulsory and, in many (most) countries, he wouldn't start school until 7, or at least 6. second teeth would have come in and he'd have moved into a developmental stage where he'd be more ready for school work generally.
I always felt that we shouldn't do things that I needed my children to lie about.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 15/10/2017 15:59

OP be careful. Do you not remember the story of the mother who was fined £500 for keeping her four year old off school (he later fell into gang and drug related crime obviously,) because she, as his mother, felt it was in his best interests to have his requested one day at home out of his first term in reception?

SuburbanRhonda · 15/10/2017 16:02

It has to be said that school is not compulsory and, in many (most) countries, he wouldn't start school until 7, or at least 6.

It doesn't have to be said, because the OP doesn't live in one of those countries 🙄.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 15/10/2017 16:06

I don't care about the compulsory/ optional debate tbh
He's not even five is he? It really doesn't matter. there's no need to lie to anyone, no need for siblings to feel traumatised, no need for any underwear to be in any sort of twist whatsoever.
If you think it would benefit him and you feel confident in being able to draw the appropriate boundary (so not taking a day off every month) then just do it and enjoy the day.

Original poster
singadream · 15/10/2017 19:27

@DrKrogersfavouritepatient thank you that made me lol

OP posts:
Original poster
singadream · 15/10/2017 19:28

@useristired I am so so sorry to hear that. What rotten horrible luck. Thank you for posting and I wish you well xxxx

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 15/10/2017 20:19

Gimme how rude. Guess you don't have any manners.

Italiangreyhound · 15/10/2017 20:21

Pinky thinking of school as a responsibility for a 5 year old is probably not going to make life long learning a joy!

Ragwort · 15/10/2017 20:26

Enjoy it.....I’ve had very special days with all of my children at times like this.

I don;t understand why you can't have very special days with your child at weekends/half term/school holidays/inset days etc etc.

Children are at school for fewer days than they are 'off' school, so why the need to have *special time^ when they should be at school? Confused. As others have commented, it says more about your need than your child's.

You are not a single parent - you and your DH can share one-to-one days with your children - maybe he would like special times with his children as well?

juddyrockingcloggs · 15/10/2017 20:53

I think what useristired posted just goes to show how one single day with his mummy is really not the end of the world. Thoughts to you....

However, fibbing to your husband and daughter is a bit off.

dimples76 · 15/10/2017 20:57

I would go for it - but not lie to anyone! Starting school is so exhausting and I think it's natural that your boy feels the need for some downtime.

Kisathecat · 16/10/2017 08:46

If you’re trying to solve a problem a really good way of doing it is by looking at it from a different perspective. The point of referring to “other countries” is because not all people believe that school is even necessary until a much later age than the op’s child goes to school, therefore at age 4 or 5 or whatever 1 day off school with mummy isn’t going to do any damage.

MaisyPops · 16/10/2017 19:18

Kisathecat
Except that most of the people objecting (teachers included!) aren't saying one day off will ruin a child's education.

Most objections are on the following grounds:

  • it's telling the child to lie to school
  • it's telling the child to lie to their dad abd siblings
  • it's telling the child that they can request days off
  • it's preferential treatment towards one child over others

Thr fact that other countries start school later has no relevance to the main objections on tbis thread.

Italiangreyhound · 16/10/2017 21:20

It's only preferential treatment if the others want it and never get it. We don't know the others want it or that they never get it.

MaggieS41 · 18/10/2017 12:40

Yep do it! He’s probably not 5 yet and even if so they’re not at compulsory age until the next term after they turn 5 (if this is another stupid argument people want to use). My DS will be 4 throughout the whole school year. He loves school but is tired when he gets home and is easily frustrated. Seems like school is getting the best of him!! He’s yet to ask me for a day off but I’m thinking about it anyway when my youngest is in childcare for some quality time together - whether it’s playing or resting.

The weekend is sometimes not enough especially if you have a lot going on and the only time to get things done. Some people have family and friends around them for support, others don’t.

I just wouldn’t lie to the school or kids. I’m sure your daughter will understand that your brother is tired and needs a day away from school. If not, well you’ll find a way to deal with it I’m sure.

It doesn’t send the wrong message to your DS. Why do people think a young child’s brain thinks and acts the same way as an adult or teenagers! Some people just read too much shit.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 12:57

My DS will be 4 throughout the whole school year.

He can't be at school then, if he's not 5 until after the end of the current school year.

MyDcAreMarvel · 18/10/2017 13:15

End of July or August birthday Rhonda.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 16:00

In which case that isn't "4 until the end of the school year", as the school year ends on 31st August.

MaggieS41 · 18/10/2017 16:16

FFS 🙄 what more can I say...

SoupDragon · 18/10/2017 16:34

they’re not at compulsory age until the next term after they turn 5

If then are enrolled in school they have to attend though.

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