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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell SIL to come up with her own wedding ideas?!

114 replies

IrrelevantPeasant · 12/10/2017 20:23

DH and I got married 4 years ago on a beach abroad. It was only us and a couple of close family members. SIL is now planning her own wedding and wants to get married on the same beach, have a similar style wedding cake and is wanting to order the same bloody flowers I had 4 years ago. I am livid! It was our wedding and she's basically doing everything we did all over again. I know in the scheme of things this is a bit petty but AIBU to ask her to consider at least a different beach?! She's an intelllegent, creative woman so no idea why she can't come up with her own ideas.

OP posts:
Aderyn17 · 12/10/2017 20:28

Not sure why it really matters - it takes nothing away from you. Unless she is all single white female, I'd take it as a compliment that she thinks your wedding was so lovely she wants to imitate it.

Lelloteddy · 12/10/2017 20:28

So nobody else has ever got married on that beach in the past four years? Grin

KindleBueno · 12/10/2017 20:28

Take it as compliment

Ttbb · 12/10/2017 20:29

A bit odd but who cares? Imitation is the highest form of flattery after all

Papafran · 12/10/2017 20:32

Yeah, because that is something worth getting 'livid' about.

AgathaOHara · 12/10/2017 20:32

So what? Be flattered and enjoy returning to a place that's special to you. You'll sound like a previous idiot if you say anything to her.

ludothedog · 12/10/2017 20:32

does it really matter?

A wedding is a day, a marriage is for life., if you're happy what's the problem?

AgathaOHara · 12/10/2017 20:33

precious not previous.

greendale17 · 12/10/2017 20:35

Very odd and pretty sad when you think about it. Looks like she wants a carbon copy of your wedding

ZoeWashburne · 12/10/2017 21:04

I didn't realise you could copyright flowers, venues and cakes.

No wedding is completely unique. Nothing you did hadn't already been done before.

Why are you so territorial? I'd love to go back to my wedding as a guest.

FittonTower · 12/10/2017 21:06

Livid?

Original poster
IrrelevantPeasant · 12/10/2017 21:12

Really? Nobody else thinks it strange that a close family member wants to get married on the same beach with the same cake, flowers etc? You have to arrange with the local fishermen to take you to this beach as you can't access it otherwise so I doubt anyone else has got married there- it's not a regular venue.

Obviously I abu then but I find it totally weird that she doesn't want to make it her own special day!

OP posts:
Bonelessbanquet · 12/10/2017 21:14

If it was just a bog standard cake and flowers surely it's hard not to be copied? If you had something extremely unique I could understand

seagreengirl · 12/10/2017 21:22

Yes, of course it's weird.

Mumsnet is so strange sometimes people are deliberately obtuse. Is it your DH's sister, if so maybe he could have a word, and let her know how you feel.

Aderyn17 · 12/10/2017 21:28

I'm not saying it isn't weird - of course it is. Only that it isn't a problem as such, unless she copies lots of things you do.
Everyone knows you got married first and that she is copying. It reflects badly on her, if anything, but doesn't actuslly tske away anything from you - you had the wedding you wanted.

Andylion · 12/10/2017 21:29

I agree with seagreen, it's weird. At best it shows a lack of imagination, on her part, at worst, well, I don't know but it ain't good.

ForeverTuesdayMorning · 12/10/2017 21:30

Totally weird and I too would feel pissed off

wictional · 12/10/2017 21:33

I'd love to go back to my wedding as a guest.

I think I would say this outright to her! “It would be so fun to see how you guys saw our wedding - I always wondered how those flowers looked from the guest’s perspective/see how I looked walking down the beach; thanks for giving me an excuse! Also, here’s Pinterest. It might help.”

Celticlassie · 12/10/2017 21:34

It is weird, but it’s her that’s going to look weird - everyone’s already been to your wedding so will know who’s copied who.

cupofchai · 12/10/2017 21:37

I'd be pissed off! It's like your wedding and totally your day!!

Is she better looking? Damn that would make it even worse!

StatueInTheSky · 12/10/2017 21:37

oh c'mon you'll be moaning she is getting married to a man in a suit and wearing a fancy frock in a bit!

wedding flower....orchids, lilies, roses
cake...lots of icing
guests...close family

Mulch · 12/10/2017 21:38

I think you have alot of time on your hands if her wedding plans really irk you so much

Scholes34 · 12/10/2017 21:39

Do you get to go? You could wear your wedding dress.

Papafran · 12/10/2017 21:40

I would seriously not be making any sly digs at her. Back in the olden days before people payed ridiculous amounts for a party (and got themselves into debt that they hadn't cleared by the time they got divorced), everyone got married in the same venue- usually the local church or registry office. The wedding doesn't matter- the marriage does and surely if you're so happy with your DH, it shouldn't even enter your head to be 'livid' about her choosing the same venue. I suspect you're pissed off because hers might be better than yours.

loobybear · 12/10/2017 21:41

I would definitely think this was weird. Weddings aren't copyrighted but having the exact same wedding as someone in your family would be weird, particularly with it being abroad- it's not as though you're in a small village where there are limited options.

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