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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell SIL to come up with her own wedding ideas?!

114 replies

IrrelevantPeasant · 12/10/2017 20:23

DH and I got married 4 years ago on a beach abroad. It was only us and a couple of close family members. SIL is now planning her own wedding and wants to get married on the same beach, have a similar style wedding cake and is wanting to order the same bloody flowers I had 4 years ago. I am livid! It was our wedding and she's basically doing everything we did all over again. I know in the scheme of things this is a bit petty but AIBU to ask her to consider at least a different beach?! She's an intelllegent, creative woman so no idea why she can't come up with her own ideas.

OP posts:

Nandoshoes · 12/10/2017 21:42

So weird. Why would she even want this. And when people ask her how she picked them she have to admit she copied you. How embarrassing and weird. Let her get on with it. If you get invited say no thanks already went four years ago except I was the one in the dress, that's in the cupboard do you wanna take that aswell ?

wobblywonderwoman · 12/10/2017 21:44

Weird. Have you called her on it?

MikeUniformMike · 12/10/2017 21:45

Couldn't she just scan your photos and have her and her groom's faces superimposed? It would save them a fortune.

CardsforKittens · 12/10/2017 21:45

My SIL had the same reception venue that I'd chosen, and a few other things the same as well. I chose to be wildly flattered. But in the end it was a different wedding because it was her wedding not mine, and it didn't feel like she'd stolen anything from me. I had a great time (although I enjoyed my own even more).

Original poster

IrrelevantPeasant · 12/10/2017 21:46

So glad I'm not the only one finding this weird! However I think pp is correct, I can't say anything without looking like the crazy one. All the family seem to be going along with it too...

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2017 21:46

Your LIVID? Really? I may not do what your SIL is doing, but perhaps it's just because she really loved the location, and she might think it's nice that you'll both have been married at the same place. Is this really that big a deal? Why can't you be happy for her and enjoy going back to the location where you got married? Your wedding was four years ago, FGS. Life is way too short to be LIVID over something that takes absolutely nothing away from you.

Nandoshoes · 12/10/2017 21:46

@mike hahahahha

Leeds2 · 12/10/2017 21:46

I would be a bit peed off too.

I think I would ask DH to ask his sister why she was doing this.

(And, if she carried on with it, I probably wouldn't go).

honeyroar · 12/10/2017 21:47

Yes it is a lot weird to completely copy a relation's wedding! But yes, it's happened because she obviously thought your wedding was amazing. I'd tell her it will be nice for everyone to be able to revisit your venue. Ask her if she wants to borrow your dress as well so people think you're twins!!

Your poor parents/in laws will be able to have matching bookend wedding photos!

MrsDustyBusty · 12/10/2017 21:47

So your sister in law thought your wedding was the loveliest she could imagine. That's hardly worth getting huffy and inclined to make unkind digs about. It's rather nice, really, if you accept it as a compliment.

sproutoclock · 12/10/2017 21:47

It does seem odd and I'd be put out too.
Maybe she's lacking in confidence in her taste?
You can't do anything about it so go back to your special beach and enjoy it with DH all over again.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 12/10/2017 21:47

Yes it is weird.
She'll look like she lacks imagination
You can't stop her.
And you get to enjoy your wedding all over again without paying for all of it (I presume you have to pay for travel etc)

OohIsThatAFlake · 12/10/2017 21:47

A friend of mine did something very similar to me. Same humanist celebrant, same DATE only a couple of years later. She used to say to me that she thought me & DH were the perfect couple...
We’ve just celebrated 13 years of marriage. She’s long divorced.

EasterRobin · 12/10/2017 21:48

So you had the best wedding she's ever been to? That's a compliment surely. I thought from the subject she was nicking your dream wedding ideas before you'd got to do them yourself (which would have been mortifying). But you've had your perfect wedding; no-one thinks you've copied anyone. So I think you have to be willing to share the location and details with your SIL if that's her vision of a perfect day.

WineAndTiramisu · 12/10/2017 21:48

It's definitely weird. Ask her if she needs the close up photos of the flowers so she can copy them more carefully... See what she says!

MikeUniformMike · 12/10/2017 21:49

I agree with honeyroar, but it does seem a bit odd.

I can lend her a scanner and a pritt stick...

Insomnibrat · 12/10/2017 21:52

I agree with others who say she must have thought your wedding was absolutely picture perfect and to try to be flattered. Its really quite cute (if a little weird).

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/10/2017 21:58

I think it is a bit weird too - but she is the one who will look odd, not you.

specialsubject · 12/10/2017 22:01

So you had a really nice wedding and she would like the same. Can't see why an adult would see a problem.

'Waah! You're copying me!'

Skittlesandbeer · 12/10/2017 22:01

I'm sure your SIL will be getting lots of quizzical looks about 'her' plans, and being gently encouraged from other quarters about making it her own.

I would probably think it was a bit funny, truth be told.

That said, I strongly recommend keeping any potential future baby names VERY close to your chest!

Seeingadistance · 12/10/2017 22:03

Not so long ago siblings, cousins, friends, neighbours, would get married in the same church, wearing similar style clothes, carrying similar bouquets, get married in front of more or less the same people, by the same person, have their photos taken, in the same poses, on the same steps, by the same photographer, before going on to the same hall or hotel, to eat more or less the same meal, listen to near enough the same speeches, before dancing the same dances to the same band.

Not all on the same day, though.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2017 22:08

Its weird.

Starlight2345 · 12/10/2017 22:09

Yes it is weird..

I wouldn't be able to help myself.. Assuming the beach has no family significance fro DH family.

Ermm · 12/10/2017 22:10

oh good really weird. And really annoying. And grounds for being livid. It shows a lack of respect and boundaries on her part. I find it also weird that other people think its okay - same beach, same wedding cake, same flowers? Good lord. It's really inappropriate.

Ceto · 12/10/2017 22:11

Definitely weird. Can you get your DH or PILs to ask what on earth her thinking is, and/or to discourage her - if only for her own sake?

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