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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell SIL to come up with her own wedding ideas?!

114 replies

IrrelevantPeasant · 12/10/2017 20:23

DH and I got married 4 years ago on a beach abroad. It was only us and a couple of close family members. SIL is now planning her own wedding and wants to get married on the same beach, have a similar style wedding cake and is wanting to order the same bloody flowers I had 4 years ago. I am livid! It was our wedding and she's basically doing everything we did all over again. I know in the scheme of things this is a bit petty but AIBU to ask her to consider at least a different beach?! She's an intelllegent, creative woman so no idea why she can't come up with her own ideas.

OP posts:

Coi123 · 14/10/2017 09:54

I think it is weird and it would annoy me. Sometimes people just can't think for themselves. When planning my own wedding I took inspiration from weddings I had been to as a guest and I used pinterest but I would never copy absolutely everything from one person.

ShiftyMcGifty · 14/10/2017 09:58

If it was abroad and it was an isolated beach - how did you legally get married there?!

You didn't, did you? Registry office back home?

MorrisZapp · 14/10/2017 10:06

Yes I don't understand either. In your op you say it was just you and a couple of close family members. So who's going to roll their eyes? Is it literally the same couple of family members who will be attending this wedding?

Was the cake on the remote beach, rowed over by local fishermen? Who ate it?

sinceyouask · 14/10/2017 10:08

Don't be so daft.

Rachie1973 · 14/10/2017 10:08

Livid? Over reaction.

kissmethere · 14/10/2017 12:28

Haven't read the whole thread.
No I don't think it's weird. It sounds like she is asking for advice in using the same place from someone who's used it already. What's the harm in that?
I know lots of people who've got married at the same venue and asked who they used and how they did things etc. It saves hassle. Especially as this is such a remote place. It's only because she's your SIL you've got a problem with it.
It just makes sense to ask someone who's done it before.

Rachie1973 · 14/10/2017 12:51

Oh yes and totally U to ask her to pick another beach because it's none of your bloody business.

MatildaTheCat · 14/10/2017 13:00

If it's not booked I would get someone to hint to her that it might look a bit odd to the other mutual guests if she uses the same venue. Not to mention the fact that presumably it's some far flung and expensive destination?

Or say, yes, that's a great start off idea, not why don't we search for some even lovelier and special places so your wedding is unique? And make her a Pinterest board.

If that fails, sigh and give up.

SilverySurfer · 14/10/2017 13:44

Bonkers. How many other people have married on that beach before or since, OP? Did you insist the boat owner reduce his boat to matchsticks so no-one could go to the island again? Thought not. Were the cake and flowers soooo yoonique that both makers agreed to gouge out their eyes so as never to replicate what they must have made hundreds of times before your wedding? No, of course not.

Last question - was it Maui?

coddiwomple · 14/10/2017 13:54

Laughing at all the posters who claim it's an over reaction.

I bet they wouldn't be that amused if their SIL was recreating their exact living-room, wearing the exact same clothes etc.

Strangers don't matter, choosing the same wedding in a non-family related destination is weird, inconsiderate and rude. You don't chose another "family church", but you can chose among hundred of beaches for your wedding.

Hellywelly10 · 14/10/2017 14:18

Tell her she's being wierd?

Papafran · 14/10/2017 14:21

I bet they wouldn't be that amused if their SIL was recreating their exact living-room, wearing the exact same clothes etc

Seriously would not bother me at all. I can say that hand on heart. Nobody ever copies me- I would be really flattered if they did. I also copy people- my home etc I have been inspired by other homes that I have seen.

It's a wedding day on a beach- it genuinely is not a big deal.

sinceyouask · 14/10/2017 18:39

My sil wasn't at my wedding as I married dh a good 10 years before she and my db met, but even if she'd recreated our wedding down to my shoes, so what?

LoniceraJaponica · 16/10/2017 08:19

"Laughing at all the posters who claim it's an over reaction"

Laughing at the posters who don't

Seriously, wedding destinations aren't copyrighted. You need to get over yourself and be flattered that she enjoyed your wedding so much that she wants the same.

"Nobody else thinks it strange that a close family member wants to get married on the same beach with the same cake, flowers etc"

No, not at all. I really fail to understand why people feel that they "own" names/destinations/fashion styles/house decor styles etc. Just be flattered that others think you have amazing taste.

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