Am in the wrong here?

[Louiseop]

Hello
Me and my partner have just moved into a new property.
I work full time and he is currently in between jobs.
I picked a carpet out and he liked it,so I gave him the money (over £1000) for him to go to the shop and pay for them.
Come home Tuesday all excited and ask when they being fitted ..."don't know"
Was his response.
Ok why don't you know?
The man needs to come down Thursday (today ) to double check the measurements.
This morning arrives...just left for work and I say
"At least we will know today when the carpets will be down"
His response ."no we won't"
So I ask why?
"He is just coming to double check measurements then I guess he will have to order carpet,he will probably ring me when he can"
So I got annoyed and said
"Well ask how long roughly before they are fitted)
He said .."I'm not asking that he will ring when he can"
So then I get annoyed and say
"What's the problem in asking for a rough estimate after we have just gave him over a grand"
So he raises his voice now and starts being patronising ...
"Ok then you tell me how carpet shops work,has Joe blogs got all these carpets lying around waiting for people to order,come on you tell me how it works"
I told him to fuck off and walked out.
All I wanted was a idea of how long it should be?

Having someone come to measure is normal.

However, from my experience "how it normally works" is they agree with you which time and day to come round and measure, and which date they will come to fit the carpet. Asking for an estimate of when the work will be done is a perfectly valid question! Normally people have to plan around when it will be done as well - eg taking a day off work to let the fitters in so I can't understand why they wouldn't let your partner know in advance when they would be doing the work.
Also, when I have ordered carpet in the past we paid half in advance and half after the job was done. It is a bit weird of him to hand over £1,000 with no idea of when the work would even be done!

Sounds like he's pocketed the money, OP. I've had a few carpets fitted over the years (not the same property) and you ALWAYS ask for time estimates for the works (otherwise, how would you know when they need nagging?! )

If he's being that childish and you've come to the end of your tether (which it sounds like you have) I think it's time to think about moving on. At 32, I think you still have time to find someone

His issue is with asking other people to do anything. He is looking for approval all over the place. He won't put anyone 'out' on his behalf, even if it is their job. It's a big lack of self esteem and self confidence.
This is especially a problem for him if someone else asks him to ask someone something. It feels like a failure on their part to have to ask for help or ask anything really.
A lot of men have a big issue with asking tradespeople (or anyone providing a service) to do anything. Yeah it's a sweeping generalisation but there you go.
Like many men hate returning stuff to shops because they feel like it's some admission of a failure on their part.
Your DP will shout at you because he can, but he has a major difficulty making that call to the carpet person. I should think this sort of issue is worse at times when he is out of work. Does he have a lot of difficulty in his career, or is he okay on that front?
My advice is you ask the carpet person, because your DP won't be doing it anytime soon.

Ok, this guy is a twat and a waster - going on what you've said.

'Between jobs' for 7 months.
Speaks to you like shit
Is a misogynist and an idiot - you'd clearly have been better off sorting the carpet/plumbing/bed frame disposal yourself, but he seems to think his limp dick makes him better and more intelligent than you.
Is a miserable, bad tempered, rude, BULLYING person to be with. Do you ever laugh and enjoy life together?
And you seem to be subbing his entire lifestyle - your grandad's house, your money, your job.

You are NOT too old (assume you mean for having children). You really are not, but you need to get out of this relationship PRONTO.

I hope to goodness his name isn't on anything to do with the house. Please dump him. Really.

Plumbing and unplumbing a washing machine is like screwing and unscrewing a bottle top but with a spanner when you think it won't screw tighter. Just make sure you don't lose the washer.

As for not meeting anyone else because you are too old. DMIL lost her dh and met someone else a couple of years later she was 84.

I would be very concerned over what he has done with the £1000. Why has he handed over money for an indeterminate number of square metres of carpet. I would be very suspicious.

Oh and yes I reckon he's done fuck all about the carpet. And no receipt? He'll be scouting around findign someone to do it for £600 and pocketing the rest, maybe?

Get rid!!!!!

Its strange and it sounds as if he has something to hide. [like he has spent the money on something else]
Usually when you go to a carpet place you take the measurements and the deliver and fit the carpet you have chosen. Noone comes to double check a carpet unless it is some specialist company who do a personal service!

Sorry, should make that clearer. You go and choose a carpet. You have the measurements. They cut it and then deliver and fit it for you. Noone ever comes to double check measurements. The onus is on you - the buyer.

You don’t pay for carpet up front usually... you choose a carpet you like and get someone to come out and give you a price for the job - you pay after the carpets been fitted?!

I'm 52 and still think I have the chance to meet someone worth it. FGS leave this bloke, you were BOTH BU this morning I think but this is the pattern of your communication and you will be miserable for ever if you stay ...

Looks like he's stealing from you as well as shouting, being annoying and being financially supported by you.

Why would you choose to live with this? It's your grandads house, pack his packs and chuck him out.

So what if you don't meet anyone for a while, your life free from this idiot would be a breeze.

I’ve always had someone come out and check measurements!!

Whenever I buy carpet you sign that the measurements you are supplying are correct and if they are not then tough luck it is your fault.

Never known anyone come round to double check. But I usually go with the stack em high sell em cheap type stores

Just rang him and apparently the fitter hasn't rang.
He said he told him he would load his van first thing and pop around.
I'm getting pissed off

Common sense says to ask how long a service such as this would take.
You were much more polite than I would have been! DH (a tiler) has been planning to do the kitchen since we moved in (last year) I asked recently 'How long would it be before the tiles I want could be delivered?' His response 'I don't know, I don't work there' - 'YES BUT YOU ARE A F*ING TILER, YOU'D THINK YOU'D KNOW GIVE OR TAKE A FEW DAYS'
It's just men hun. Tell him to deal with it.

Why can you ring carpet fitter yourself, in stead of waiting around for him?

Ring him and see if they even know, I feel a bit suspicious tbh. where has that money gone.

You're 31 OP! You have your whole life ahead of you!

The majority of women don't get married until they're in their 30s now and then have children later still. You still have bags of time to meet someone who treats you well to share your life with, not this miserable, abusive, work-shy cock-lodger.

It won't get any better if his attitude is like this now. Has he always been so unpleasant?

no receipt? - I wouldn't expect that money back

I met my DH when I was 34. 31 is not old.
I would take control and call the shop. I'm not convinced he's paid them from what you have said.

Op.... ring the carpet shop.... now

Start to take charge of your life

Does your partner work?

They do come around to check the measurements first. It's really worth their while doing it. The customer could have measured it arseways.

Running no, he's 'between jobs', and the OP later clarified he hasn't worked in 7 months.

OP he sounds like a knob. Why stay with someone who shouts you down and can't even arrange a carpet fitting without being micromanaged? Would you prefer to be with an adult who can deal with stuff?

The moneys gone. He's spent it.

I'm with the 'sounds fishy' camp. Think you should ring the shop yourself to check what's happening and make sure he has actually paid ... it is very unusual to pay before the measurements and final price are confirmed ... even if it is a small shop.