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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am in the wrong here?

190 replies

Louiseop · 12/10/2017 08:49

Hello
Me and my partner have just moved into a new property.
I work full time and he is currently in between jobs.
I picked a carpet out and he liked it,so I gave him the money (over £1000) for him to go to the shop and pay for them.
Come home Tuesday all excited and ask when they being fitted ..."don't know"
Was his response.
Ok why don't you know?
The man needs to come down Thursday (today ) to double check the measurements.
This morning arrives...just left for work and I say
"At least we will know today when the carpets will be down"
His response ."no we won't"
So I ask why?
"He is just coming to double check measurements then I guess he will have to order carpet,he will probably ring me when he can"
So I got annoyed and said
"Well ask how long roughly before they are fitted)
He said .."I'm not asking that he will ring when he can"
So then I get annoyed and say
"What's the problem in asking for a rough estimate after we have just gave him over a grand"
So he raises his voice now and starts being patronising ...
"Ok then you tell me how carpet shops work,has Joe blogs got all these carpets lying around waiting for people to order,come on you tell me how it works"
I told him to fuck off and walked out.
All I wanted was a idea of how long it should be?

OP posts:
ilovekitkats · 12/10/2017 09:34

OP, just ring the carpet fitter yourself, ask him for a rough estimate of delivery date and fitting. Also ask for a copy of the receipt, say that you have mislaid it.

midnightmisssuki · 12/10/2017 09:35

He's an idiot. Any normal person would ask how long it'll take. If he has form for this and for making you feel a fool - I would question if it was worth staying with someone like this for the future, it will get worse.

It could be he doesn't care about the asthetics of the house, if I didn't put pictures on the wall - my husband wouldn't bother (just an example) but carpets are more important as it provides some degree of warmth.

Tell him to grow up!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 12/10/2017 09:37

Ring the carpet shop and ask.
I think he's spent the money. It isn't usual to pay the full whack, before the carpet is ordered.
Take care OP.

Fruitcorner123 · 12/10/2017 09:39

Agree with others saying he wouldn't have paid full amount before they've even measured up. It's all a bit dodgy. Did he actually tell you he has paid or could he just have the money waiting in his account?

strawberrygate · 12/10/2017 09:40

do you often use such horrible language to him?

HoHoN0 · 12/10/2017 09:41

Just a thought, you said he is between jobs for about 7 months, has he been looking with no success? If so, could he be depressed? It might explain his reaction and lack of wanting to question the guy.

Blahblahboo · 12/10/2017 09:42

I think you are the one in the wrong here. You have said you have went to a small company who likely won't have it in stock so will have no idea yet when it can be laid. Your partner was perfectly polite in his replies until he got his back up . You im afraid were the rude one and he just reacted as people do to what they take as nagging.
Also all company come and remeasure because people often do it wrong.

Ragwort · 12/10/2017 09:42

I won't "drip feed" but there's loads of things he will say which I'm sure most people would snap and swear about.

And you have chosen to move in together - why?

I would cut your losses and get out now, the carpet is the least of your problems.

Nanny0gg · 12/10/2017 09:45

Why are you with him?

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/10/2017 09:45

It is most unusual to give 1k for carpets before measuring as there is no order as pps have stated.

Whose house are you living in? I’m assuming council house or you bought it as private rentals should have carpets.

Blahblahboo · 12/10/2017 09:46

I will also add that I would wait for them to ring first too as if they want your custom then they will do as they say. Plus the staff probably don't know until they get back to the office with room dimensions and measurement.
If they haven't called you in the time thru said then you call and ask.

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:46

After work il see what he says,if he has any idea then.
He swears at me all the time and I snapped.
Think I've only ever swore at him twice in years.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/10/2017 09:47

I’d strongly suspect he’s spent the money; but not on carpet.

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:48

It's my grandads house,he went into nursing care facilities.
We have done the house up but the carpet was green and yellow and I hated it.

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 12/10/2017 09:48

Louise Why are you making the most intimate relationship in your life with someone who swears at you all the time? Sad

You're basically making your life far less comfortable and happy than it could be.

CredulousThickos · 12/10/2017 09:49

He’s spent the money. There’s no way he could have paid for something that hasn’t actually been ordered yet. If they haven’t yet measured up then they can’t place the order. He is lying to you.

Phone the shop.

Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 09:50

I suspect the money has been spent, too. Does he contribute to the house in ways other than money-laundry, housework, cooking, shopping etc or is he just living in your grandad's house with you paying the bills?

guilty100 · 12/10/2017 09:50

Jesus, I'd always ask when they could fit. It's completely normal to do so. You won't necessarily get a time to the minute, but a vague idea is useful.

Your DP sounds inexperienced, clueless, and unwilling to be told. That's a pretty deadly combination.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 12/10/2017 09:51

So why are you together? What positives does he contribute?

I can sometimes forget to ask an obvious question, but I'm not nasty about it and will check it out. You didn't finish the conversation with glory, but he set the tone first.

I agree with PPs that something sounds dodgy about the timeline and money. Money will not have changed hands at the measuring up stage, and then usually the deposit and settling the difference on installation.

LTB because of one conversation is overzealous, but if this is symptomatic of his general attitude within the relationship, then why waste your energy and money on him?

Travis1 · 12/10/2017 09:51

Honestly what are his good points? My DH can be a bit laid back but even he would be asking those questions. Have you been together long? I think I'd be suggesting he leaves. This isn't just about carpet.

LewisThere · 12/10/2017 09:51

Having someone coming to measure again isn't unusual. I have done that in the past.
But te refusal to actually ask when they would be able to fit it? That's a very normal question to ask and HBVU.

Also, I have always paid a deposit for having a variety fitted, never the full amount. The rest is always paid AFTER the fitting.

But the most important thing is the total lack of respect he has for you. He was very dismissive of you, clearly tries to placate you.
Seeing that there are other stuff going on with the way he is with you, are you sure there is t a need to review the state if your relationhsip and check it's worth for you to Stay?

LewisThere · 12/10/2017 09:53

Btw you shouldn't wish that yOU hadn't said anything or that you would have done it yourself by going to xxx.
That's not how good relationhsip work.
That's what happens in relationhsip that are in someways abusive or at least not working well at all and one partner is taking the piss.

NotJustThreeSmallWords · 12/10/2017 09:54

The whole relationship sounds awful.
If he's been out of work for 7 months then it's unlikely he would get approval for a mortgage so is the mortgage just in your name OP? If it is, count yourself lucky and get rid of him. This is not a healthy way to live.

YellowFlower201 · 12/10/2017 09:54

The carpet fitter coming to measure up is normal. Our's came measured up and then gave us a quote and we were booked in.

Your communication isn't great. There seems to be a lot of resentment between you. Can you sit down and talk about this when you aren't in a rush?

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:57

There is zero point in talking because he just raises his voice and speaks over me.
Every issue.
That's his answer to speak louder and make me feel like I'm wrong.
Not sure if I'm honest why we still together...maybe too old to meet someone else now.

OP posts: