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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am in the wrong here?

190 replies

Louiseop · 12/10/2017 08:49

Hello
Me and my partner have just moved into a new property.
I work full time and he is currently in between jobs.
I picked a carpet out and he liked it,so I gave him the money (over £1000) for him to go to the shop and pay for them.
Come home Tuesday all excited and ask when they being fitted ..."don't know"
Was his response.
Ok why don't you know?
The man needs to come down Thursday (today ) to double check the measurements.
This morning arrives...just left for work and I say
"At least we will know today when the carpets will be down"
His response ."no we won't"
So I ask why?
"He is just coming to double check measurements then I guess he will have to order carpet,he will probably ring me when he can"
So I got annoyed and said
"Well ask how long roughly before they are fitted)
He said .."I'm not asking that he will ring when he can"
So then I get annoyed and say
"What's the problem in asking for a rough estimate after we have just gave him over a grand"
So he raises his voice now and starts being patronising ...
"Ok then you tell me how carpet shops work,has Joe blogs got all these carpets lying around waiting for people to order,come on you tell me how it works"
I told him to fuck off and walked out.
All I wanted was a idea of how long it should be?

OP posts:
Fattychan123 · 12/10/2017 10:02

am I missing something here

I measured my room, I went to the carpet shop, picked the carpet and he said shall we fit it Wednesday I said yes. It was Wednesday the carpet was fitted.

Is this carpet hand weaved by cherubs?

Maybe next time do it yourself if your partner cannot do simple jobs.

YANBU

guilty100 · 12/10/2017 10:02

How old are you? Unless you are 102, of course you're not too old to meet someone else!!

It's awful living with someone like this. Do yourself a favour and ditch him. You will feel so much relief from being spoken over and patronised. Don't, for God's sake, settle for this.

44PumpLane · 12/10/2017 10:03

OP if you genuinely think you're too old to meet someone else then surely you'd be better off alone?! I can't think of anything worse than being with someone who can't even have an adult discussion and tries to just shout to win!

Also if he's not depressed he needs to get his arse in gear on the work front unless your both happy for him to be a house husband type person.

YellowFlower201 · 12/10/2017 10:05

You're never to old to meet someone new.

If you don't want to leave him could you try and go for couples counselling?

If he doesn't want to could you go on your own to give yourself space to discuss your feelings.

cooldarkroom · 12/10/2017 10:06

Sounds like he is very unpleasant, my P does this,
talks over me, loudly, tries to do everything in riddles, deliberately making things complicated when they're not.
Your response should have been "well if your too scared to ask I'll call them"
he then would have backed down.
Its a horrid long winded game & I feel sorry for you

BitOutOfPractice · 12/10/2017 10:10

I see there's much more back story here than just a carpet

He sounds horrible.

As for being too old to meet someone else well a. it's not absolutely life-threatening to be single you know b. you're never too old

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 10:13

When we moved I said ask the removal man to take the old bed frame outside and just give him £10 as a thank you(as he was moving furniture anyway) he refused and said he would do it himself.
Removal man left then he goes "this is too heavy to lift ,just leave it"
So we lost our deposit for leaving rubbish..
I asked him would he be able to de plumb the washer he said no,he would ask the removal man but if removal man said no we would just have to buy a new washer....
Everything he does is complicated

OP posts:
SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 12/10/2017 10:14

No, you're not too old too meet someone else, you're too old to put up with this shit.

kateandme · 12/10/2017 10:14

sounds like you've gotten to the frustrated phase of just sniping with eacohter.and if you say your only with him due to there being no one else ot meet then this explains why.
do you like eacohter.do you love him. because to stay with someone for that reason is going to make one or both of you soon very very unhappy.and then your putting off the chance of both of you being happy.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 12/10/2017 10:15

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was happy to hand over 1k to anyone without any firm idea of delivery timescales and a receipt, let alone the rest! Time to move on before you get any more entangled IMO

Opheliasgoldenwine · 12/10/2017 10:15

Why did you say that to him?!Confused

thecatfromjapan · 12/10/2017 10:15

My MiL met her current partner in her late forties. They've been together 30 years now.

My neighbour met her current partner in her fifities. Been together five years.

I doubt you're ever too old to settle for a life which is built around a central relationship where you get shouted at and called stupid all the time.

Actually, are you ever too old to say you don't want the experience of being shouted at to be the foundation on which your life is built? It's your life. You can change it. Even if you were on your own, you could shape it to be one that includes travel an new experiences as its focus, rather than being shouted at and called stupid.

Fishface77 · 12/10/2017 10:15

What are you scared of??
He brings nothing to your life. In fact you make each other miserable. Get rid.

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 10:16

Il be 32 in December

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 12/10/2017 10:17

50 years of a miserable relationship, then. You'd get a better deal if you'd robbed a bank.

Fruitcorner123 · 12/10/2017 10:18

Clearly not too old got the whole of your life ahead of you. He sounds like a nightmare and it also sounds like he might have used that £1k for something else . I would be thinking about some time apart.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 12/10/2017 10:19

Also you need to look up how to do basics like unplumbing washing machines yourself, you don't need a penis to do it and it will give you enough independence to survive as a single woman when that is the best option. Men who find that sort of helplessness appealing aren't generally a good catch in my view.

krustykittens · 12/10/2017 10:19

You lost your deposit because he wouldn't shift stuff?! I would have been swearing like a trooper! It seems he has a rule problem simply asking stuff of other men but thinks he can be rude to to women all he likes, doesn't work, can't be trusted to do simple things - Jesus, OP, you are not too old, get rid and find someone who can be a partner not a dependent. I would also be asking where that grand is, I suspect it has not gone on carpets.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/10/2017 10:19

I've just done a little laugh at 32 being "too old" Grin

OP have you read about "sunk costs fallacy". You don't have to stick with him you know. Cutting your losses can be the smartest move

Travis1 · 12/10/2017 10:20

You are the same age as me then OP and honestly this time last year I was giving serious thought to leaving my husband. We worked through it but we could communicate which was key. If he'd been doing the whole aggressive shouty thing I'd have been out of there.

You are in no way to old to find someone new if anything I would say you are too young to put up with this shit for the next 40 years!

guilty100 · 12/10/2017 10:21

"I'll be 32 in December"

I met my husband when I was 33. Wink

Before that I was with a guy a bit like yours -he would NOT listen to sensible advice, would talk over me and insist on doing things his way, and then things would go dreadfully wrong and he'd get annoyed with me over that. When I dumped him, it was amazing not to have to deal with that shit any more. I didn't realise how much energy it had eaten. My DH now is incredibly organised and practical and my life is soooo much better.

badtime · 12/10/2017 10:22

32 is not old.

LTB

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 12/10/2017 10:23

I thought you'd say the other side of 35 with a biological clock ticking.

If children are on your agenda long term, you don't want this one donating the sperm! With this attitude you'd do everything to support yourself the children and him. You might be able to get him to reluctantly and ineptly "babysit" his own children.

32 is plenty young enough to meet a decent man and start a new future together.

Being single and unencumbered by resentful deadwood of a "partner" is also much better than this situation.

LagunaBubbles · 12/10/2017 10:24

He is the one who is always in control,he doesn't like when I 1.ask questions 2.have any opinion

And being with someone like this is better than being on your own??

Fruitcorner123 · 12/10/2017 10:24

And yes plumbing and unplumbing a washing machine is easy. Best you learn to do these things yourself. We don't need a man for these jobs.

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