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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am in the wrong here?

190 replies

Louiseop · 12/10/2017 08:49

Hello
Me and my partner have just moved into a new property.
I work full time and he is currently in between jobs.
I picked a carpet out and he liked it,so I gave him the money (over £1000) for him to go to the shop and pay for them.
Come home Tuesday all excited and ask when they being fitted ..."don't know"
Was his response.
Ok why don't you know?
The man needs to come down Thursday (today ) to double check the measurements.
This morning arrives...just left for work and I say
"At least we will know today when the carpets will be down"
His response ."no we won't"
So I ask why?
"He is just coming to double check measurements then I guess he will have to order carpet,he will probably ring me when he can"
So I got annoyed and said
"Well ask how long roughly before they are fitted)
He said .."I'm not asking that he will ring when he can"
So then I get annoyed and say
"What's the problem in asking for a rough estimate after we have just gave him over a grand"
So he raises his voice now and starts being patronising ...
"Ok then you tell me how carpet shops work,has Joe blogs got all these carpets lying around waiting for people to order,come on you tell me how it works"
I told him to fuck off and walked out.
All I wanted was a idea of how long it should be?

OP posts:
keepcalmandfuckon · 12/10/2017 09:10

You can’t ask him for a receipt? For something you’ve paid 1k for? Get rid op. He’s no good.

Witsender · 12/10/2017 09:11

Sounds like he doesn't like rocking the boat with other people, hence being afraid to ask or been seen to press for times etc. He needs to grow up.

RunningOutOfCharge · 12/10/2017 09:12

Sorry but I find it hard to picture this..... is this a relationship? Why are you accepting this shit??

Why? Phone the carpet place yourself and take charge of the situation

Stop making excuses for him

HellonHeels · 12/10/2017 09:14

My first thought was that he'd used the money for something else - mostly due to his very defensive attitude the minute OP asked him about the fitting schedule and costs.

HellonHeels · 12/10/2017 09:15

Though, is it a bit odd to give him 1k in cash?

RB68 · 12/10/2017 09:16

Phone the carpet shop and check if he has been paid. It all sounds like deflection to me. In fact I KNOW he won't have been paid yet as no order has been placed. Carpet man is right to come check measurements and suss things out, but that is effectively the quote stage rather than the pay for it stage.

Process goes

Go in pick carpet give rough sizing - he gives rough estimate of cost and makes an appt to come out

Comes out, check measurements, count door rods needed and how much nail stuff for edges etc etc and underlay. Gives full Quote usually in a couple of days and at that point advises rough delivery dates for carpet if ordered immediately e.g. as soon as I have deposit I can order carpet and it will take 5 days, I am avail to fit on x date does that suit.

You agree pay DEPOSIT and agree fitting day.

They come, fit and you pay (by cheque or card never cash) plus small tip to fitter if good job done.

DancesWithOtters · 12/10/2017 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 12/10/2017 09:19

OP, whenever I have ordered a carpet this has normally been the sequence of events:

I have chosen the carpet
Someone comes out from the shop to measure the room, discuss underlay etc.
I am then given a quote and then I pay a deposit
Carpet is ordered and when it arrives the shop rings to arrange fitting and I then pay the remainder of the bill then or after the carpet is fitted

Where has your £1,000 gone? normally the shop wouldn't take a large amount of money until they had been out and measured and discussed the fitting with you.

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:20

He will be miserable for days after this now.
Wish I never opened my mouth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:20

I wish I had just went to somewhere like franks on Saturday now.

OP posts:
NearLifeExperience · 12/10/2017 09:21

Sounds like he's spent the money. Or at least some of it.
I agree you should phone the carpet shop to check details.

butterfly56 · 12/10/2017 09:22

He's being an arse about this because you have had the audacity(as he sees it) to question him as he thinks he's the one in control here.

He's a control freak who is using passive aggression as a way of controlling this situation.
If he does a crap job every time you ask him eventually you will stop asking and that's what he wants.
By pass him altogether and ring the shop direct as you're wasting your time trying to get anything out of him.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/10/2017 09:22

His reaction is slightly irritating yes. But to tell him to fuck off is not on. I would be considering my future with someone who told me to fuck off after a minor tiff.

I swear like a trooper. But not at people. Certainly not my DP

Thiscantreallybehappening · 12/10/2017 09:22

OP, carpet shops will always want to come and measure themselves, so they can see access to the room, discuss underlay, door rods etc.

I can understand why you are upset. I think the best thing would be for you to ring the shop and find out exactly what is going on.

NC4now · 12/10/2017 09:23

Ok, it does sound like he's being evasive. Do you think he's generally disrespectful or deliberately useless at things? Are you happy in other ways?
This is the kind of spat we can have when we're stressed and resentment kicks in. It's not good...

ScaryMary81 · 12/10/2017 09:24

I Agree with RB Something isn't right & every carpet I've ordered has followed the same procedure.

They usually cut the carpet at the shop larger to allow for small measurement discrepancies and fitting.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/10/2017 09:24

I had already measured everything as 62m2
He said the carpet man wanted to measure himself to make sure I was correct.

my ExH worked in carpets for years and will tell you that only about 20% of people measure correctly and they always come and check. I'm yours is right but carpet man doesn't know that. Plus he might be able to see a better / cheaper way of laying it once he's seen the room. So that bit it totally reasonable I'm afraid

HelloSunshine11 · 12/10/2017 09:25

I would be annoyed by his reaction too.

I've always been invoiced after fitting for carpet, although have only ever bought from our local independent shop. They have always come and measured themselves first though.

ScaryMary81 · 12/10/2017 09:26

If he knew you measured up why get them out to measure again, maybe he just hasnt got around to ordering yet

grannytomine · 12/10/2017 09:26

I had new carpet fitted last week. The way it worked where I bought it was I went in and they gave me an estimate on price, guy came out to measure up and I paid a deposit, when he entered everything on the computer he confirmed the cost and computer said when the carpet would be delivered, he then checked fitter's availability to do it (I was having hall, stairs, landing and several rooms done so it wasn't fitting me in for half an hour so they needed a half day slot. Hope that helps.

MinervaSaidThar · 12/10/2017 09:27

Ime, local carpet fitters can come out that day or the next day. They're very keen for business. And you never pay the full amount in advance, just a deposit.

But the issue here is you are in an abusive relationship. Who's house is it?

thecatfromjapan · 12/10/2017 09:28

Your problem isn't the carpet.

You know, when you said: "He always makes me feel like a idiot for asking the simplest of questions ...", why are you together if your communication is so bad?

This isn't your birth family, which we tend to get born into, with no choice, and whose emotional 'weather' and patterns of communication are often set before we're born. In those relationships, we can sometimes struggle to be heard and to change things. There is often a lot of arguing and grumping in birth families.

This is a relationship you have chosen, and you are both adults and you get to choose how to communicate.

Why are you choosing to make a relationship in which you think he treats you like an idiot and you swear at him?

It's nuts. You don't have to make your life - the intimate part of your life - such an unpleasant experience. You can either sort out your communication or you can leave.

If you're arguing like this about a carpet, imagine how you're going to cope if one of you gets really sick and the other one has to help you make complicated medical decisions.

Witsender · 12/10/2017 09:28

Coming to remeasure makes sense, so that's 'normal'. But in my experience they won't have taken payment yet. And should definitely have at least given an estimate of how long it will take to get in stock, if it isn't an in stock item.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/10/2017 09:29

I think that your DP is being a twat and that you are entitled to have at least a ballpark idea of when you can expect your carpet to be fitted.

What if it wasn't for 6 moths? You might prefer to go to another carpet seller for it.

I'm surprised that you he has paid up front when there is no idea when to expect delivery.

Mishappening · 12/10/2017 09:30

I have never handed over money for a carpet until after the fitting.

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