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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am in the wrong here?

190 replies

Louiseop · 12/10/2017 08:49

Hello
Me and my partner have just moved into a new property.
I work full time and he is currently in between jobs.
I picked a carpet out and he liked it,so I gave him the money (over £1000) for him to go to the shop and pay for them.
Come home Tuesday all excited and ask when they being fitted ..."don't know"
Was his response.
Ok why don't you know?
The man needs to come down Thursday (today ) to double check the measurements.
This morning arrives...just left for work and I say
"At least we will know today when the carpets will be down"
His response ."no we won't"
So I ask why?
"He is just coming to double check measurements then I guess he will have to order carpet,he will probably ring me when he can"
So I got annoyed and said
"Well ask how long roughly before they are fitted)
He said .."I'm not asking that he will ring when he can"
So then I get annoyed and say
"What's the problem in asking for a rough estimate after we have just gave him over a grand"
So he raises his voice now and starts being patronising ...
"Ok then you tell me how carpet shops work,has Joe blogs got all these carpets lying around waiting for people to order,come on you tell me how it works"
I told him to fuck off and walked out.
All I wanted was a idea of how long it should be?

OP posts:
HemanOrSheRa · 12/10/2017 09:00

Hmmmm. Well, it depends if they have the carpet in stock. If they do then they can usually book you in for fitting there and then using 'customer measurements'. If it needs to be ordered they generally have an idea of timescale with their suppliers. Very odd. Has he spent the cash?

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:01

Our house is freezing,living with concrete floor isn't fun.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 12/10/2017 09:01

Have you got proof the carpet was ordered and paid for ?

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:01

He is the one who is always in control,he doesn't like when I
1.ask questions
2.have any opinion

OP posts:
Leamington99 · 12/10/2017 09:01

So what happened to the 1kHmm

Can’t you ring the carpenter yourself for an update / general timescale?

Tbh it does sound like resentment on both parts, you treating him like a child and paying for his life

teaandtoast · 12/10/2017 09:02

Has he done something else with the money? Confused He seems very woolly about it all.

loveisevol · 12/10/2017 09:02

Imagine if he’d told you to fuck off. Mumsnet would’ve told you to ltb...

NC4now · 12/10/2017 09:03

Ok, to me (and I'm no expert), keeping on asking him why he doesn't know is quite patronising and makes him accountable to you, which isn't great in an equal relationship.
A better way would be to ask if he can find out please, or would you need to find out, or to say we need to know so we can arrange things.
"Why don't you know?" sounds like a telling off. It's also a pretty pointless question, as it doesn't move the situation in, it just makes him feel small.

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:03

I really don't treat him like a child,I was just excited to get our house looking nice,maybe I was too keen to get it done.

OP posts:
flumpybear · 12/10/2017 09:04

I’d just phone the shop myself he’s clearly not bothered - are you sure he’s not spent the money on something else ?

KarateKitten · 12/10/2017 09:04

Do people generally go around telling their partner to fuck off and storming out because they were annoying? We can all be annoying at times and he wasn't being particularly straight with his answers but did it merit telling him to fuck off? Maybe it did. I guess I'm not used to couples directly telling each other to fuck off over general day to day annoyances.

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:04

I don't think he would do that,he is just very non urgent about things getting done.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/10/2017 09:05

I think you were both BU.

You were both rude to each other.

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/10/2017 09:05

If they are coming to measure up then why has cash been handed over already?

Surely they measure up, decide the quantity of carpet required and the fitting. Then you pay and the carpet is either in stock or ordered in and then a fitting date is booked.

It sounds to me like you have asked him to deal with the matter and he now feels like he is being micromanaged to do a relatively simple task and asked you to back off at which point you were rude to him.

Either deal with it yourself of let him deal with it. (I would be impatient too if it seemed like my DP hadn't got his arse in gear, mainly due to me wanting the carpet NOW but especially in these circumstances you are going to have to let him do it his way as he may feel (being out of work) that you think he is not capable.

Teawithtoast · 12/10/2017 09:06

KarateKitten. Some do.

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:06

He wasn't just being "annoying"
He raises his voice and try's to make me feel like a idiot.
I won't "drip feed" but there's loads of things he will say which I'm sure most people would snap and swear about.

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 12/10/2017 09:06

...man-child in actions and words, "in between jobs" for 7 months, OP has paid for the whole thing, shitty attitude etc...

@MaidenMotherCrone's assessment of "I don't think the carpet is your problem here." seems spot-on.

keepcalmandfuckon · 12/10/2017 09:07

No op you weren’t BU. People want to focus on the fact that you told him to fuck off rather than the fact that you asked a very simple question and got a wanker of a response back. He should be able to ask them for an estimate of how long til it gets fitted. I don’t generally hand over large amounts of money to people and then just hope at some point they get the job done with no time frame.
Why are you with him? You said he’s been out of work for 7 months, is controlling and treats you like an idiot. Sounds like he’s cocklodging.

Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 09:07

He is behaving like a total knob; does he do that often?

Whose name is the house in? Is it likely he has spent the money on something else?

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:08

All I said was to ask him how long it should take ...no was his response.
With no reason why he couldn't just ask a simple question.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/10/2017 09:08

I’m with you op. It’s totally normal to ask for an estimate of time. In fact it’s weird as fuck not to. Who the hell hands over a grand and doesn’t want to ask.

I also thought are you sure he’s paid the grand?

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:09

It's only a small shop too not like a big brand (franks,carpet right ) etc

OP posts:
Witsender · 12/10/2017 09:10

For many fuck off isn't that rude, it depends on your usual speech.

He sounds irritating. I too don't understand why you have needed to pay before measuring has even been done, how do you know how much it will cost?

Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:10

Well he said he has,I'm not going to ask for a receipt as that would just cause more Agro.

OP posts:
Original poster
Louiseop · 12/10/2017 09:10

I had already measured everything as 62m2
He said the carpet man wanted to measure himself to make sure I was correct.

OP posts: