To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

[BlueButTrue]

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits'

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

Decline the invitation for Xmas dinner and stay home and cook your own

Don’t worry about people who don’t want to swap 🎁 just continue to with everyone else that does.

Sorry blue x post.
Well there you go, for goodness sake give your poor mum a break and the honour of hosting you and her first grandchild!! I think it would be a very hurtful for you to go to laws twice running and for such a Xmas when your mum will make a fuss of you all.
Your dh needs to grow up. I hope you don't hurt your dm and choose the in laws again

Op, why dont you want to spend it at home, just you, DH and your new baby?

My DS is 20 this Nov, he was 4 wks on his first xmas day. We made a point of saying we were going nowhere for xmas day, as we didn't know when he would come, how I would feel, etc, but would travel afterwards if up to it (parents and PIL were 2-3 hrs away).

We had a lovely chilled Christmas day, went to church (well 2 actually, the first service was an hour earlier than normal and we got there at end, so went on somewhere else!). Cooked a Christmas dinner, there was no pressure from anyone.

We then travelled on Boxing day, had lunch with my parents, onto PIL later in day, stayed there a few days then back to my parents for new year. So we saw everyone, they saw DS in his Xmas babygrow, just not on Christmas day itself.

As for the presents, yes I can see why you are annoyed, when you have bought for their kids, but let it go. I must say Christmas prep is much less stressful now that all the young people we buy for (except one) are teenagers or young adults, happy with some money or a gift card.

I still love buying, particularly for my two, who still love stockings and surprises, but I used to find buying for other children hard.

Put your foot down. Tell them you expect to be waited on hand and foot with an enourmous christmas dinner while you care for baby, and if you can't do that there, then you will do it elsewhere. BUT it is expensive and stressful cooking or hosting, so I would offer to order the turkey and the wine or another big part of the meal, and sign DH up for significant contribution to chores. Hosting was fun the first few years, but after 5 I started to hate Christmas. No one ever helps as much as they think they do. They may be dreading it. And say you would like to get a token present for the children, or organise them a lucky dip (secret santa) of presents.

Of course you can ask a taxi driver to pull over so you can feed!

As for taxis your saving money on presents aren't you.
All

Invisible can't say I would be comfortable with that in all honesty

Sooo.... suggest that everyone brings a dish/offer to bring a dish. Then get thee to Marks and Spencer and buy a ready made version of the dish you are bringing. Stick it in the oven at your house on the day/at theirs depending on the arrangement. That should be no harder than the heating of pre-prepped food you will have to do on a daily basis anyway. Problem solved :)

How did I miss that it's your mum's TURN.
Put your foot down, tell him this year will be your mum, next year will be at home and the year after his family...
If you don't do this now, you will Never get an at home....

Do you or DH drive?

Yep, would you have spent £50 or so on gifts? Find out what a taxi would cost, of course you'll have to book it, so you aren't much better off than your mum giving you a lift at a set point.

Go to your Mums.

Okay, I now know my plan of action -

I'm going to hoist myself out of this (now lukewarm) bath and go downstairs and have a firm chat with DH.

Will probably show him this thread too, as he will most likely see it anyway (he regularly lurks on Mumsnet)

We've done the "picky bits" Christmas and it was utterly shit

It was 7 years ago, I was pg with dd and my ds was only 7 then and only cared about the presents still the same now and I really couldn't be arsed spending hours slaving over a Christmas dinner so went to M and S instead.

Ended up spending a small fortune, was a nightmare to time everything to be ready, bought way too much food and it was a bit fat disaster.
Never again!

In your shoes op I would stay at home.
The presents issue wouldn't bother me so much as my dc have so much already but I do love seeing children's faces when they're opening gifts that I've bought them that I know they will love.

Your in laws will regret the "picky bits" by about 3pm Christmas Day....

Your DH is being a whinger. If he wants to be able to leave somewhere exactly when he chooses, the answer is to learn to drive. That's how you do it. Plus he's not scoring any points by not wanting to go to the only place you'll get a proper Christmas dinner, but can't cook himself. Is there a reason you're so averse to disagreeing with him on this? Does he always get his way?

I don't see why they can't afford £10 max each for each child, there aren't many.

Wow.
They've already admitted to struggling financially and you want to put more pressure on them?
[Hmm]
How's about you back off?!

No presents! I wish my in laws would suggest this, then I wouldn't have to discreetly get rid of all the tat they get. Could they may be suggesting it for this reason? I'm not suggesting it is tat that you get but perhaps not to their taste so they'd rather do without? I know my inlaws spend a great deal on our DC, but it's not to our taste.
As for Xmas dinner, if they were to suggest this I would just assume they meant everyone have their own Christmas dinner and go round later for picky bits? I wouldn't be offering to cook for everyone, especially in your condition but surely you could sort your own Xmas dinner?

This x10 but I can't just swan off with DS and leave DH to himself/picky bits can I? grin or can I?

Yes you can and it’s about time he learned how to cook also.

OP, do you drive? You said your DH doesn't but do you drive?

It would be easier to do Christmas at home and invite your mum down. Most of this seems to be down to you wanting her to see her grandchild at Christmas but she (and your younger siblings) could come to you rather than her have to do two round trips on the day!

Your baby will be 6 weeks old and you'll probably be feeling fine, just tired. I reckon it would be nice if you and your Dh cooked a meal together and sat down to enjoy it, even if one of you is jiggling baby on your knee.

An hour in a car with a 6 week old isn't awful either, most of the time they just sleep. If they baby is fed before you leave they certainly don't need any feeding en route.

Don't be too pessimistic! People with huge amounts of responsibility have babies and are back in full swing within 6 weeks.

Don't let DH and his family be selfish and manipulate you that you always have to spend Christmas there - especially for "picky bits"

Go to your Mums and have a proper Christmas dinner - it is obviously your family's turn this year and your Mum will be really excited. You can visit DH's family on Boxing Day

Could you do a secret santa instead so everyone buys one £10 gift and everyone gets one gift?

Could you host so you still get dinner?

Your sil has no empathy if she can't understand why your mother would want to spend Xmas with her grandchild. She is going out of her way to try and get you there, if you genuinely were to not keen on going that's different but your mum's and your feelings are being diminished here.
You will seriously seriously be hurting your dm feelings to deny her this Xmas for an Xmas that sounds shit that you don't want to go too.
As for travelling with babies, constantly is not great idea but of course a few hours with breaks is no issue! People take babies all over the world, plenty will be off to Thailand for Xmas with small babies and up and down the country.
Sounds like sour grapes to me and utterly selfish of your in laws if they make you fuss about you going.

I’d be happy ignoring Christmas altogether, but have never yet managed to achieve this

Well DH is adamant he'll 'try his hand' at doing the Christmas dinner, we will have that and then go round to SIL later

No, I don't drive either.

My parents and siblings coming here seems good on paper but they will absolutely wreck the place and our house just isn't big enough for that amount of people.

Plus, my DM was flinging herself at me with the suggestion that she drives us to and from

And it sounds like you live closer to the In laws