To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

[BlueButTrue]

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits'

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

Lonicera She doesn't cook it on her own, SIL helps etc etc.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday oh goodness, I couldn't! I'm not that mean I can imagine that'd make SIL/BIL feel very awkward

Go to your mums. Your Dh can leave when he wants

Also OP I don’t think you’re winging at all. I’m also due Nov and my parents are making a big thing of Christmas, so we don’t have to do anything / can relax.

I’d feel upset if I had to go to my in laws but knew it wouldn’t be great and my enthusiastic parents were offering to have us all for baby’s first Christmas. I think your DH is being a bit selfish.

We've stopped doing presents this year too, conveniently just as my daughter was born... I really don't want 4 more unnecessary presents though to be honest. And I have 9 nieces and nephews now so I'm more than happy to forego the presents

I'd be raging about the food though.

All buying £10 presents for each other is such a waste of time and money. I honestly don’t get it. You buy someone 10 quids worth of tat and then they do the same. It just seems so futile.

As for the Christmas lunch, just have yours another day. Have a second Christmas with your mum. Your newborn isn’t going to know the date.

People make Christmas so flipping complicated, it takes all the fun out of it.

I'd just go with the flow this year. You'll have enough to think about with a newborn. Next year, do Christmas at home, your way.

Wombling that was why I said do Xmas meal the night before, then you will be so stuffed you won't care about not having the one the next day and will like all the picky stuff, and you can give each other your gifts and enjoy them without having to pack up and decamp half way through the day.

The no presents thing wouldn't bother me in the slightest, the more people who say it the better. You can't force them to spend money.
But as for Christmas dinner, if you don't like what is on offer just do your own thing.

Go to your mum's without a doubt.why does she have to pick you up? If you don't drive you could always book a to back with the money you save on dns' presents. Definitlwy go to your mum. Why wouldn't you -first and only grandchild.

Go to your mums. Your Dh can leave when he wants

He can't. No transport that day and he doesn't drive

My baby is due the same time as yours OP, I know what you mean about not wanting to commit yourself to cooking, so we are going to have our own Christmas at home, do our own Christmas dinner and just relax as baby will be so small. With no presents to exchange and no meal to gather over, I don't even see what the point in going is? And if your MIL is not wanting to put in the effort (not in a snarky way, it's just what I infer from only wanting to put "picky bits" on), I don't see why they would be bothered if you didn't come. :)

Sounds like a crap 1st Christmas for your baby. If I was you I would spend it at home with your partner and baby

We've stopped doing presents this year too, conveniently just as my daughter was born... I really don't want 4 more unnecessary presents though to be honest. And I have 9 nieces and nephews now so I'm more than happy to forego the presents

I could do without the extra tat too really, but it's the principle as you've pointed out. Now all of a sudden when I have a baby, presents are a no

We had a grim Christmas at the in-laws a few years ago with a similar sounding meal! The day didnt' start well when we turned up at MIL' s house to find she wasn't there - she and SIL had decided to be at the place SIL was staying (not far away) but no-one had thought to tell us.... we felt very welcome! The meal was random Christmasy bits on paper plates - I offered to lay the table but apparently sitting in front of the tv was more of the plan!

I'm with your SIL about presents though, sorry! My DC really don't need anything so I'll struggle to get them anything which isn't for the sake of it and having a few more things they don't need thrown into the mix just seems a huge waste.

Sorry forgot to say we're going to get lots of fancy pre-prepared things in from M and S etc and do some advanced prepping so that we're not doing the usual 6 hour cook on Xmas day!

Cherries MIL and SIL will be very bothered indeed if we don't come. I remember chatting to SIL in August time about Christmas this year and she was shocked I was even considering going to Essex for Christmas. When I confronted her why, as it's my mum's one and only GC, she couldn't give an answer but insists DS is just as special as BIL's sons so should be there etc

I wouldn't bother about presents tbh, and always spend xmas day with just dh and the kids.
it makes it much easier to do and less hassle and your kids enjoy the day much better with just their parents and siblings.
Eat what you like when you want to eat it.

I wouldn't bother travelling to anybody's house for 'picky bits'- you can have that at home.

GU2 Sorry to hear of your shite Christmas

R.R presents, it's difficult because I only ever buy what I know the person loves/needs/is really into. Most people aren't as tactful though and just buy tat/stuff they deem as nice in their own views

Sounds like a crap 1st Christmas for your baby

I really want to spend it with my side of the family, they always do Christmas properly and with a big flare.

Plus it's my mums first and only grandchild. Just feels quite upsetting that I won't be seeing her, yet again this year

She's also offered to pick us up and drive us back, putting us before herself because it'll mean she can't have a drink until we go!

picky bits only makes sense to me if all the people coming plan to have a Christmas dinner before (or after).

so you can do the same.

With a new urchin you can explain that you will try to look in, but can't make the whole day.

Oh, go to your mum's. Tell dh it's up to him where he goes. It seems daft to go to your IL's Christmas when it's not at all what you want and the Christmas you do want is available to you.

Why on earth should your poor MIL be the one cooking the Christmas Lunch every year. It's probably all too much for her. Either that or she would rather spend a bit of the day seeing her new baby grandson than being stuck in the kitchen all day.

OP I really think you should put your foot down and go to your mums. I cannot see at all why DPs family should get priority here.

Oh, go to your mum's. Tell dh it's up to him where he goes. It seems daft to go to your IL's Christmas when it's not at all what you want and the Christmas you do want is available to you

This x10 but I can't just swan off with DS and leave DH to himself/picky bits can I? or can I?