To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

[BlueButTrue]

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits'

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

Presents I'd be annoyed about since you've always bought for their dc but I'd let it go

Dinner I think you're being unreasonable to expect anyone should have to cook a Christmas dinner if they don't want to, do you all always go to MIL for Christmas? Has she always cooked? Do you contribute to the cost? Christmas dinner is time consuming & expensive, and should be shared around imo

It sounds like mil always cooks? I'd be disappointed to have no xmas lunch but can't blame her for not wanting to if she cooks every year even if it is with help.

If it's "too much" to go to your Mums this year, does that mean he's taking the decision you have to spend every single Christmas with his family, never getting to see your own?

Assume you didn't go last year because it was 'too far' and 1 hours drive will forever be too much.

I would tell him you are going to your Mums this year with the DC.

museypants I know, not only is this my mum's first GC that she's so excited about, but I didn't see her last year either

My young siblings are pains though, DH not keen on going for Christmas where we can't leave when we like

NRTFT, Maybe she’s pee’d off with people scoffing chocolates and sugar all morning leaving her to do the cooking?
Sounds like someone else’s turn to cook?
And if the in laws are too broke to buy presents, please don’t embarrass them by asking them to spend money they don’t have - you might not be fully aware of their situation.
—picky bits sounds great to me, as Christmas is, after all, about the presents and the food—

MIL does most of the cooking, yes, but all the cleaning is done by SIL/all of us help out. And it's also hosted at SIL's so MIL doesn't have mayhem to come home to

I wouldn’t suggest the £10 limit if SIL has already asked to knock it on the head. Some people are assuming that she was happy for you to buy for hers but now you’ll have a child, she doesn’t want to do gifts but that might be a little unfair. I know before I had dc I chose to spend on my DNs because I enjoyed buying for them. Now there are a lot more as well as two of my own and to be honest it’s expensive and a hassle trying to think of things they’d all like. If my SIL suggested we stop I wouldn’t take the view that I’d had more years buying for theirs than they did for mine. Surely it’s more likely they are feeling the pinch?

Re Christmas dinner yes the “picky bits” thing sounds a bit flat. However I’m afraid you do come across as though you have a particular idea of how you and DH want your Christmas to be but an expectation that someone else makes it happen! Ok you’ll have a newborn but seriously, even cooking just for the two of you is too much faff for you both? It sounds like MIL has had all this faff for quite a few years, maybe she’s decided she can do without the stress of it this year.

If you regularly see your ILs for Christmas, why can't it be your mum's turn this year?

Sounds as if the easiest would be for her to come to you & you cook between you.

Im a great advocate in staying in your own home.But i think in this instance,go to your mums.Get spoiled and have a fab Christmas.

Anyway you where at mils last year,so its your mums turn.

Your DH sounds selfish.

Is he saying "never" for your family? Which is also your DCs family? Is it his or nothing? Is he aware if he finds your younger siblings hard work, he's about to enter parenthood and spend lots of time surounded by children?

I'd go without him. I bet he'll come with you, probably whinge lots though.

I'm a firm believer it's my mum's turn to have us. Not only were we at MIL's/SIL last year but we also didn't have a baby... and this is my GM's first grandchild.

She's been through a lot of shit times with me, my mum. Seen me lose countless pregnancies. She's held me hand when I could no longer go on.

I think she deserves to spend Christmas with her first GC

Go to your mum's. An hour away isn't too far with a baby.

Once I had kids I'd do one year at my parents' and then a year at mil's as I was living with her . That way it was fair.

Your poor mum op. Sounds like she will is gentle hinting and hoping you will go there.
It's her first grandchild. Now your not even looking forward to Xmas with in laws but your choosing them over her. Why? Do you get on with your mum?, maybe in laws don't want you there, maybe all this cutting back is perfect chance to say... You all want low key Xmas, we want to spend with my family.
If u was your mum I would be wondering why on earth your not coming to me or spending it alone.

Celebrate on Christmas Eve, Christmas dinner, swap gifts.
then treat Xmas day like an extra boxing day.
Go to your mums on actual Boxing day

You can always book a taxi for a certain time to go home.

You and baby go to your Mum's. DH does what he wants.

To prevent this being a recurring problem I suggest your DH learns to drive. He also needs to learn to cook, unless you want the cooking to always fall on you after the baby is born.

Definitely go to your mums! You obviously want to, and I think you might feel that even more once the babies here. Mil can have another year, it’s not like she was going to any effort anyway?!

Read your updates. Take charge and go to your mum's! Do what you want for a change. It's definitely both hers and your turn to spend Christmas how you want.

If you didn't see your Mum at Christmas last year, can't you just say that this year it's her turn?

So it sounds like you know what you want, now you need to have that conversation with your DH. With no Xmas dinner or family gifting his family don't seem that bothered about Xmas, so be clear, you are going to your family for the reasons you have given here. It is his choice if he comes along or stays with his family. Next year you can look again at what to do for the best.

If that's how you feel then why not speak to your husband and explain how you feel.
It's one day, I have no idea why people build Christmas up so much as it can never live up to the dream.
Yes it's your mums first grandchild, but it sounds like she will have her hands full anyway. Why not spend Christmas morning with your in laws and then head home in the afternoon for a chilled period. Then see your mum the day after when your siblings will hopefully be calmer once the excitement of Christmas Day is over.

dustar That'll be ££££! We live in seperate counties

Money aside, what is DS starts screaming to be fed? Can't just ask taxi man to pull over whilst I pop out a boob

Do a Krist Kindle amongst everyone. (Secret Santa)

It is great fun when it is accompanied by a poem/bit of fun reading about the recipient.

We do this and the max is 20 quid. So we only have to buy one pressie.

The names of the mutual Krist Kindle donors and recipients is called out about three weeks before the day. Don't ask, someone else always puts the name in a hat I don't bother.

Best solution for all this faff. And great fun especially if accompanied by moocho prosecco beforehand at present giving time too!

As for the grub, well I think you could bring along something if you think you might get hungry! Otherwise it is just a day, and as long as everyone is together and having a laugh it is all good.

Tell your DH your last post. Be clear and firm that this is what you want to happen, and it's the fair thing to happen. And you aren't happy with him putting what is best for him above everything else.

You did what he wanted last year, this year is your turn. If not this year, when will it be your turn or does he think that from now on you'll always do things the way he wants?

I don’t think the lack of Christmas cheer re no presents and a crap dinner is even the point (though that sounds AWFUL and I would hate to do that!) - the point is that it would mean a lot to your mum, it’s her ‘turn’ anyway and that’s where you want to go. Why on earth should your DH dictate that his family takes precedence? Put your mum and yourself first, he’s being unreasonable and wants it only his way.