To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

[BlueButTrue]

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits'

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

They can’t afford it.🙄

Go to your DM's OP. Ask her nicely if she can drop you home early after Christmas dinner because you and DS will be tired. When you get home give her a nice bottle of wine to take home to enjoy.
Fairs fair when it comes to sharing Christmas with the two DMs and you deserve to spend time with yours this year after the hard work to giving birth
Good luck

Your going to hurt your dm op, really hurt her.

Look it’s pretty obvious what you want to do and I remember having a newborn around that time a long time ago. You’ll appreciate the quiet Christmas this one time.

Send him to his mothers and you go to yours. Then have a Christmas dinner on Boxing Day at home with your husband.

It sounds as if it would make your mother’s christmasas all at once also if you’re close to her.

Send him to his mothers and you go to yours. Then have a Christmas dinner on Boxing Day at home with your husband

Christmas isn't hosted at his DM's, it's hosted at his sister's

gamerchick yes, she'd be in her absolute glories if I said we would be with her this Christmas 🎄

Ok, send him to his sisters then. Same advice.

Forget about Christmas. It is more trouble than it's worth for a lot of people.

Cue lots of threads very soon about the angst, the trauma, the difficulties, the Mil, the Sil, the Bil, the DP/H, the Fil, the kids, the food, the presents, sheesh.

It should be a HAPPY time.

( I am sorry to say that I enjoy the traumatic Christmas threads). Coming soon.....

I used to tie myself in knots over Christmas.

This year I’ve held firm, we’re staying at home and I can’t wait it’s only taken me 22 years into being a mother mind 😂

I'm so glad I don't do Xmas but this is what I would do.

Xmas Eve go to MIL for a drink and snacks.

Xmas day stay home with a lovely M&S pre prepared Xmas lunch for 2.
Watch tv in new pyjamas and enjoy the baby.

Boxing Day ask mum to pick us up and spend the day with her.

Be strong and make your own traditions.

Doesn't your dh think of your dm feelings at all, or is he just interested in his own well being, doesn't care about your wants or needs etc?

"Well DH is adamant he'll 'try his hand' at doing the Christmas dinner, we will have that and then go round to SIL later "

So when will you see your mum?

Your DH is not coming across too well here.
It's his way or nothing!!
Go to your Dm's and he can do what he likes.
Selfish bugger

calzone I am usually the first one on here to say do it your way but ops mum sounds like she is desperate to have her dd and gc there and is bending over backwards to try and facilitate that. Op herself wants to go. On the other side the family want to tone it down and on ops side it's the first gc.

I know that sounds self entitled but big family dinners is what we're both usually use to.

Have you ever hosted and/or cooked one? Yourselves. Because it is a bit entitled to want something you won't actually do.

Well DH is adamant he'll 'try his hand' at doing the Christmas dinner

Ha. First and last time I bet.

Buy it all from M&S otherwise it will go tits up.

Why are you sidelining your mum OP? You seemed adamant it was her turn, you've spoken to DH and now she's out of the picture completely.

Unless I've misunderstood.

MrsTerry I'm well aware, hence me saying it was a selfish want.

My side of the family bend over backwards for it and take enormous pride in Christmas lunch. My DNan would have a fit if she discovered my IL's weren't hosting a proper Christmas dinner

One can imagine how trying his hand will go, hands get burnt... Oh let's go to sils... Gets his way after all and it's all lovley for him and what he is used to.
Something here has really triggered me op I will say no more but you will wound your mums heart if you didn't defend her and put her first.

I never buy for my brother and his kids as it would get very expensive and he doesn't for mine.
Honestly OP you should feel lucky because I'm on my own this year as my folks are on holiday all of December. They are even missing my son's first birthday.
Will be a rubbish Christmas for me with no adult to talk to and definitely no Xmas dinner made for me. I could make my own buy what's the point

I think your SIL really can't afford Christmas at all. That's why they are suggesting doing it this way.

Can you go to your mums xmas eve and celebrate then and take some Christmas spirit to your SILs (something nice for pudding) on Xmas day. Is there room for you to stay over at your mums?

Is he really saying you are never allowed Christmas Day with your mum? It's his family or nothing?

I'd just state that you are going to your mums he can come along or not. You'll see him first thing then be back in the evening. Up to him for the middle part.

For heaven's sake go to your mum's. I am assuming you always do what husband says to keep him happy as you haven't answered any questions about that. If he has never had to compromise on what he wants, he will find parenthood hard going, and it'll be even harder on you.

Put your foot down since I met my partner we've been to my mums every Xmas because it's less stressful and we enjoy it more. She has no baby grandchildren where in my partners family there's loads. This is what we do quick visit to in laws in the morning exchange gifts ( or in your case not) then over to my mums for the rest of the day.

Regardless of the big Christmas meal and presents, it's only fair to take turns. You went to SIL's last year so this year you should go to your family. This is fair. That is what we do and it's always worked fine.