To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

[BlueButTrue]

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits'

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

Babies first Xmas, yours as a new mum and your dh as well new dad but no gifts and no dinner.
Sounds bizarre are you sure there is no more back story?
Surely it's more excuse to make it even more special rather than pare things down why can't you skip it or stay with your mum

Wow they're really looking forward to your newborn aren't they?! You'd think this year they'd want to treat you with a nice dinner and your baby with some 1st Christmas stuff, sounds very bah humbug! I also hate the expression "picky bits"

Christmas dinner is a must! Even my dd who's 16 has said she can't wait for Christmas but when asked can't think of anything she wants..but is excited about our Christmas lunch at my parents .

Im soo sick of agendas and relatives with Christmas that im spending it alone and having a meal whenever BH is available half price everything in the sale

Presents wouldn't bother me one bit, I wish I had the nerve to suggest it. We have 12 nieces/nephews to buy for and even at £10 a child that money could be better spent elsewhere tbh.
We've also had years where we haven't had xmas dinner, had party food instead! The thing is, whoever is hosting will have the Christmas they want. If you want something different you'll really have to volunteer to do it yourself.

How far from them do you live?
Maybe you can do Christmas Eve meal for you all, and start your own traditions.

£10 presents cant be policed. One relative will buy more expensive stuff others will be upset. Bests just have none. Xmas dinner, PITA. Normal dinner is ok, its family you want to see.

Ooh yes, I like lookingbeyond 40's suggestion of bring your own dish. Some nice crackers too (pulling ones) and a game of charades maybe with coffee and a box of nice chocolates afterwards (baileys optional in the coffee's) If the adults are having fun chances are the dcs will too without the need for lots of toys

My own Mum lives just over an hour away and is more than merry to pick myself, DH and baby up. MIL says it would be silly to drive all that way with a newborn etc. And DH not happy with that as I have 3 young siblings, all of whom are riots at the best of times and he wants to be able to 'escape back home easily' if he's had enough his own family's children are the same but again, we are only 10 minutes down the road from them so can call it a day if it gets too much with newborn and screaming kids.

Quantity of presents isn't what's bothering men but I don't see how we can't just get each other's offspring just one small present each. But I'll put that aside as that isn't the biggest issue

The whole no Christmas dinner thing is bothering me hugely, as it is DH. Yes I suppose he could give cooking one himself a go just for us, and then we go up there afterwards, but it's a bit of a faff with a newborn really. I know that sounds self entitled but big family dinners is what we're both usually use to.

MIL doesn't cook on her own I don't believe, and SIL helps with prep etc etc so it's not single handed

We gave up presents a long time ago, such a waste buying things no one wants, just so you have something to give.
you can always buy and wrap the chocolate selection and do one for everyone present at the party, and just hand them out.

Just over an hour isn't far. Sounds like a poor excuse, babies are fine in cars, it's hardly going to be hot!
Your DH is being selfish. Go to your mums.

Picky bits would mean no attendance.

My in laws don’t put a tree up and have been known to say “shall we not bother with dinner?” ... on the day.

For that reason I’ve yet to have a Christmas there.

Do Secret Santa?

Nope, adults aren't getting presents but none of us ever buy the adults anyway, we usually just do the children.

Presents aside, I really want my Christmas dinner

Maybe I'm being selfish, but I think it's sad that my Mum isn't seeing newborn DS on Christmas Day. It's her 1st grandchild, and she's so excited about it.

I know this new baby will be just as lovely to MIL but she has 4 other grandchildren. My mum doesn't

You could always eat out for lunch and see the family later?

I know you don't want to hear it, but you are whinging a bit.

We had our DS really close to Christmas and needed to stay home. It was the first Christmas dinner DH ever cooked, and it was a very casual affair, but it was still lovely. One of my favourite ever.

I really think you either have to make peace with what is being offered to you or try and find a way to offer, kindly, to make it more the way you had envisioned.

I get that you probably won't be able to cook Christmas dinner, for MIL, but why can't your DP team up with his siblings and sort it out between them? Presumably they're all grown adults... MIL or you cooking are not the only options.

Presents are neither here nor there and if BIL and SIL are struggling, at least they have said no presents far enough ahead that you don't have to buy any.

As for food, It depends who's cooking. New baby or not, I don't think you get to complain about a lack of Christmas dinner unless you are cooking it. TBH honest with a newborn, you might be really glad for some picky bits that you can nibble whilst you are feeding. Christmas dinner loses it's appeal once it's gone cold.

So have Christmas dinner at home with your husband, then go and visit the in-laws. It doesn't have to be hard work. M and S make it very easy.

I expect your MIL is fed up with everyone taking it for granted that she does the Christmas dinner every year.

I get that you probably won't be able to cook Christmas dinner, for MIL, but why can't your DP team up with his siblings and sort it out between them? Presumably they're all grown adults... MIL or you cooking are not the only options.

DH can't really cook at all, and his sister and brother (and his wife), are very happy with current arrangements

Or you could just turn up with a present for everyone and pretend FC has left them at your house.

Do it front of the DC as SIL wont be able to say a word

Tell her you had already bought them, when she suggested no pressies.

Don't go! Simple!

Nobody can tell you what to do. Stay home and have xmas dinner. Your mum wants a break from cooking all day fair enough.

www.vickery.tv/gluten-free/gluten-free-recipes/item/phil-s-perfect-roast-turkey

done this one for years, so easy to cook. Turkey is never ever dry.

I really do think the leftovers are the best bit, as no cooking for 3 days, just left overs. Aldi do a Turkey crown for £10...

Why not stay at home with a tiny newborn? Hopefully the birth will go swimmingly, but I'd far rather be at home.

Sorry Op, re read your post, thought you said SIL had the £10 budget for children but see it's your suggestion...I would love to in your position too but as SIL can't afford it, how about suggesting a limit of £1 per item, wrapped, and bring over an old barrel (or box) filled with sawdust (shredded paper) and put the presents in. Then turn it into a game so each child wins a turn in the lucky dip.