Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

384 replies

BlueButTrue · 11/10/2017 20:38

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits' Confused

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house Grin

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 20:12

mathanxiety Yes, hopefully sometime in New Year. But we can't really afford it right this minute

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 12/10/2017 20:22

I don't see why DPs family is somehow more important and gets to ruin christmas with stupid picky bits.

Its not even christmas when you starr taking out Christmas dinner.

Go to your mums with baby.
If DH wants to be a man child yhen let him sulk at home or eat picky bita with his family.

grannytomine · 13/10/2017 10:01

Plus mum is doing Christmas how I prefer Exactly, you are going to your mum's because she is doing what you want. Just be honest, it is what you want to do because MIL isn't providing what you want and it is nothing to do with being fair to your mum.

YouTheCat · 13/10/2017 10:15

And why shouldn't she, granny?

Christmas with the ils, with no gifts and no dinner, sounds utterly miserable. Plus she is 10 minutes away and can go over at any time over the Christmas period.

I'm so glad I have no one fussing over arrangements.

grannytomine · 13/10/2017 10:24

There is no reason why she shouldn't but why not be honest and say that instead of pretending it is being fair. Being fair didn't matter when she thought she was getting a roast dinner off MIL. I just like people to be honest and not insult our intelligence.

YouTheCat · 13/10/2017 10:30

I think the OP had already made it clear that she'd prefer to spend this Christmas with her dm, regardless.

SleightOfMind · 13/10/2017 10:33

If your DH is just clumsily trying to say he wants to just stay home for Xmas, I feel his pain.

Last year was the first time we've done Xmas at one of our families, we usually host both sides as DH's has the space but no cooks and mine can manage the cooking but had no space.

We did DH's family last year, (DH and I had to cook) staying home this year, my family next (cramped and dull for the older DC), then home again in 2019 etc. Anyone from either side is welcome on a 'home' yr.

We all prefer staying at home for Xmas but you have to compromise.
Would your DH feel better if there was a plan so he knew some xmases would be just you?

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 13/10/2017 15:17

granny not entirely true. I also want to be at DM's so I can see her with my DS too, I can't wait. Plus my DNan will be there and they're all so excited for this first GC/GGC

Sleigh I've promised him next year we can stay at home with just us 3. He's really happy about that

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 13/10/2017 15:30

I wouldn't mind the no presents bit at all. I hate the exchange of tat that no-one wants or needs and would happily do away with it altogether.

Just buy what presents and treats you want within your own immediate family.

I wouldn't mind the lack of a roast at the family get together either as long as it wasn't actually referred to as picky bits.

If you want an actual roast dinner, just cook your own, go out to a carvery or get a nice ready made version from somewhere like Cook or M&S some time over the festive season. In the great scheme of things, it doesn't matter whether you have it on Christmas Day or at another time.

Someonessnackbitch · 13/10/2017 17:51

Absolutely no compromise on Christmas dinner. I want all the trimmings. I tell my family every year that I will not be attending unless I know I'm getting a good Christmas lunch!

simiisme · 13/10/2017 17:57

No Christmas dinner? How miserable. Stay home and make a wonderful feast. Visit them in the morning or in the evening. Perhaps Boxing Day instead?

RosieBucket · 13/10/2017 17:58

Thats even worse than the thread lastbyear where OP was planning to serve an Indian takeaway on Christmas Day

I did that when I was 8 months pregnant, it was brilliant!
So we did it again the following year. And then again etc. . ..
both dd's vegan and we don't see them very often so it suits everybody.
We can have turkey some other time over Christmas, so won't miss out on anything.
Presents we always limit to a tenner each or it just gets silly.

Toysintheattic29 · 13/10/2017 18:01

I agree with TabbyMumz and have your meal at home. I'd also forget the bit about the presents. Some people really do struggle with the cost and the hassle of getting so many gifts. A lot of families just buy themselves one really nice thing each and that works too.. Christmas is always a catalyst for lots of grumbles and disputes but make sure you enjoy your son's first Christmas in the way you want!

Thisisnotreallymyname · 13/10/2017 18:15

Must admit I'd be a bit miffed that all of a sudden no kids presents - as it's your first yr with a child and have always bought for theirs in the past !!
A bit mean.

BananaSandwichesEveryDay · 13/10/2017 18:49

I've cooked Christmas dinner 32 out of 34 years .
One time we went to a posh restaurant and one time to my mum's. Although each was nice as a one off, I much prefer to be at home for Christmas. Especially when the dcs were little. My DC was 8 weeks old on their first Christmas - no way would have even considered dragging them out for the day. Much easier to be in our own home, with everything we needed for DC and use, on hand.
I feel for your dh. This is your first family Christmas and his wishes take second place to you and your mum. I can just imagine the responses if a mama's insisting his wife either visit MIL on Christmas Day or stay at home alone whilst he visited and took the children.

Abbylee · 13/10/2017 18:50

Can you make gifts more cheaply?
Can you host dinner and ask them for a dish?

pollymere · 13/10/2017 18:57

I'd be narked about the gift thing. A similar thing happened to me but luckily a few years went by first. We don't do birthdays any more either. My dd generally now gets presents when we see family instead.

Why not have a Baby's First Christmas and enjoy a Turkey Crown and just the three of you? Or visit your DM for a change?

SleightOfMind · 13/10/2017 19:03

Hopefully he'll come round before Xmas. You've got a bit of time for it all to sink in.
You'll have a lovely time wherever you end up any way with your lovely Christmas newborn.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 13/10/2017 19:22

The no presents wouldn't bother me and I would still buy for my nieces and nephews as I don't give to receive.

Neither would I moan that someone was cooking Christmas dinner for me, adults are quite capable of cooking themselves or booking a restaurant Hmm

With children we stayed at home and let guests visit us. If both our parents were here we would see both or none, neither grandparents is more important than the other and it just causes upset which is so easily avoided.

Lovingit81 · 13/10/2017 19:31

No presents for the kids???? No Xmas dinner???? Sorry but I wouldn't be going!

notsoperfectlife · 13/10/2017 19:33

You've sucked it up & been to DH's family up until now - and now that YOU have a child, they've moved the goalpost. No Xmas dinner, no gifts and it sounds like damn all Xmas cheer.

Your mum's been hard done by.
She deserves to see you & her GC, and YOU deserve to be pampered a little bit in return.You and your mum deserve this bonding time for GC's first Xmas, sharing memories & stories.

Then next year, tell everyone that you and DH will be spending Xmas as a family, starting new traditions & creating new memories and you'll see everyone boxing day or 27th or whenever.

Booie09 · 13/10/2017 19:41

Stay home and cook your own dinner! No presents to buy! My type of Christmas .

hks · 13/10/2017 19:55

Would you be better visiting them Christmas Eve or Boxing day and arranging youe own Christmas meal

..Maybe they are a bit short of cash! I am cutting down on presents for extended family i dont see or hear from them during the year apart from a birthday card so dont see why splashing out on a gift Christmas day for them is any different when i can Spend it on my own kids instead

graziemille · 13/10/2017 19:56

I have a feeling the OP DH's family are sick to death of looking after OP and her DH.
OP you sound like you want everyone to entertain you. Not once have you considered making a contribution to the cooking, arranging transport, having people to your house etc etc.
You have every excuse under the sun. You and your DH sound about 12!

Glitterbug76 · 13/10/2017 20:52

Secret santa no more than £10 I would definitely have to have a Christmas dinner my daughter would to ! You could always stay till tea and do your Xmas dinner later or have your dinner at 12

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.