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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

384 replies

BlueButTrue · 11/10/2017 20:38

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits' Confused

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house Grin

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

OP posts:
another20 · 12/10/2017 11:41

We dispensed with kid presents years ago - massive family too much shite circulating around. What we do tho is an experience for all the cousins - sometime between xmas and NY. Maybe panto / christmas lights trip type thing - doesnt have to cost anything but they all have amazing memories with each other.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 12/10/2017 12:04

With MIL and SIL it doesn't have to be presented as priorities or preferences at all.

Simply, it was DH's side last year so it is your side this year, next year it will be his again. No emotion just basic rules of taking turns, in a normal way done by most families with both sides in reasonable distance.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 12:08

Presumably you have done more Christmases with ILs as you have been able to get yourselves there?

Not true, in all honesty. But was handy just being 10 minutes away

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 12:09

And YY to the phrase 'picky bits' being beyond irritating a term to use.

OP posts:
SolemnlySwear2010 · 12/10/2017 12:12

We don't do presents for siblings - so we only get my Mother/Stepdad, Mother in Law/Father in Law and then both grandparents.

It makes it easier as the siblings where just exchanging vouchers etc for the same amount of money.

However, both of my sisters get my DD presents, even though i dont give them anything. They want to spoil her at Xmas and refuse to not buy her anything. If/when they decide to have kids i will buy their child/ren presents in return.

I would be gutted about Christmas dinner, my in laws never have turkey at Christmas but they are serving it this year as we are going for dinner.

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 12/10/2017 12:37

This has just reminded me of the year that DGM made cheese sandwiches for Christmas dinner. Shock😭

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 12/10/2017 12:43

Blue why can't you just ask taxi man to pull over whilst you pop out a boob? Confused

Morphene · 12/10/2017 12:49

what does 'picky bits' even mean? It sounds revolting...

MrsJayy · 12/10/2017 12:59

Picky bits is buffet food

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 13:03

why can't you just ask taxi man to pull over whilst you pop out a boob? 

Because I may well not feel comfortable doing that at all? Confused

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 12/10/2017 13:12

A buffet, but a term designed to give the mental picture of lots of grubby hands probably with badly painted nails prodding and pushing around some sweaty trays of limp chicken drumsticks on cheap festive paper trays.

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 12/10/2017 13:14

OK, I'd have had no problem with it. Sorry. Blush

MrsJayy · 12/10/2017 13:14

Picky food is the new Nibbles

2014newme · 12/10/2017 13:14

I hate the term picky bits and snacky bits.
You mean snacks, canapés or buffet.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 13:17

A buffet, but a term designed to give the mental picture of lots of grubby hands probably with badly painted nails prodding and pushing around some sweaty trays of limp chicken drumsticks on cheap festive paper trays

GrinGrin

OP posts:
MadMags · 12/10/2017 13:17

You both sound a bit bone lazy to me.

You don't drive, he doesn't drive. You won't cook, he won't cook.

You've no idea who cooks what at MIL's, so presumably you've never helped to cook, or you'd know.

And now your mum has to pick you up and drop you off...

Honestly, you both need to do some growing up unless you plan to have the baby waiting on you hand and foot, too.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 13:18

MrsJay I was once 'dating' someone a bit older when I was 16/17. One evening he sent a text to say "Getting some nibbles in, any particulars you'd like?"

I cringed so much at the message and decided to call it a day Grin

"Nibbles" is even worse!

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 12/10/2017 13:20

MrsJay I was once 'dating' someone a bit older when I was 16/17. One evening he sent a text to say "Getting some nibbles in, any particulars you'd like?"

Arghhh

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 13:24

You both sound a bit bone lazy to me

You don't drive, he doesn't drive. You won't cook, he won't cook

You've no idea who cooks what at MIL's, so presumably you've never helped to cook, or you'd know

And now your mum has to pick you up and drop you off...

Honestly, you both need to do some growing up unless you plan to have the baby waiting on you hand and foot

I do cook, I just don't want to commit to something like that with a small newborn. It may not go well Hmm

Furthermore, I don't drive because I cannot for medical reasons. DH should really, that's true

DH, as I've repeated before, did say he'd cook for us but I've told him I'd rather be at DM, and will be devastated with anything less than gorgeous roasties!

I didn't ask my Mum to pick up/drop off. She's jumping out of her chair to offer because she's desperate to have us and DS there. No 'demands' have been made

OP posts:
Basecamp21 · 12/10/2017 13:25

No one in my family can be arsed to cook Xmas dinner on Xmas day so we just have a buffet and all go out to a pub for a full Xmas dinner on Boxing day.

We also only buy those under 18 presents.

We have by far the most relaxed Xmas of anyone I know - no stress, no mad panic just lots and lots of time to do crafts and play with the children. Evenings are full of slightly drunken board games - we have a no screens rule on Xmas eve, Xmas Day and Boxing day. Rest of the holidays are spent visiting family.

We know our Xmas's are very different from most people's but it really is each to their own.

If you do not like the Xmas plans where you have been invited than man up and do your own thing.

safariboot · 12/10/2017 14:09

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year.

Did you consider the possibility that they can't really afford to host a Christmas dinner either? That they're in serious money trouble they don't want to tell you about - because most people don't want to tell others that they're poor.

user1497997754 · 12/10/2017 14:18

Just being with the people I love would and is enough for me....regardless of christmas presents and full on Christmas dinner....

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:24

safari SIL and BIL do not pay for it, MIL does and she isn't struggling by any stretch of the imagination

OP posts:
MadMags · 12/10/2017 14:26

But have either of you ever contributed financially or otherwise to these dinners other people have been cooking for you??

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:27

MadMags No, MIL wouldn't allow it in any previous times or now.

She likes to organise and do it all, and gets quite huffy about others putting their two cents in

OP posts:
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