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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

384 replies

BlueButTrue · 11/10/2017 20:38

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits' Confused

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house Grin

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 14:28

I thought you said that SIL helped?

grannytomine · 12/10/2017 14:28

MIL does and she isn't struggling by any stretch of the imagination That attitude would annoy me. So you don't want to pay but you want someone else to pay for the food and cook it.

Jux · 12/10/2017 14:29

We have 'picky bits' on Christmas Day too, and proper Xmas lunch on Boxing Day - then we can invite people to join us without them missing their big family day. It used to matter, as dd would get loads of presents to open and it was sad to miss it as I ran in and out of kitchen while everyone else got pissed....

Now dd's an adult (!) and everything's a little more muted, not so many gifts, less drinking, so we could do the lunch on the day, but then we wouldn't have friends here with us, just the 4 of us as usual, but more food.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:30

Appu She does, by having the day at her house so MIL can go home to peace and no mess

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:31

granny Goodness no, but she won't have anyone else helping her financially with it and makes that very clear

OP posts:
2014newme · 12/10/2017 14:32

I too think you're both quite lazy. You gave never contributed to Xmas dinner in any wY either by cooking or providing any if the food. You want your mum to cook, pick you up and drive you home.
You both sound like spoiled kids tbh.

grannytomine · 12/10/2017 14:36

If they can't see why my DM takes priority this year then that's up to them. Well your mum is taking priority so you can get your roast dinner, not really some great honour for her is it.

grannytomine · 12/10/2017 14:37

She won't have anyone else helping? Have you actually offered? You don't seem to know if SIL helps or not.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:39

too think you're both quite lazy. You gave never contributed to Xmas dinner in any wY either by cooking or providing any if the food. You want your mum to cook, pick you up and drive you home
You both sound like spoiled kids tbh

As I keep repeating, MIL never lets anyone contribute financially to the dinner Confused And in all previous times I've always helped with the cleaning afterwards. We all chip in etc etc in that sense.

You're making it sound as if that's what I've requested from my DM. When the reality is, she knows the situation and is desperate to have us there, and has offered to pick us and drop us on her own accord.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:40

granny utter rubbish, my mum is taking priority because I didn't see her last year, it's her first grandchild and she's also doing a Christmas I would like to be a part of, not just 'picky bits'

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:41

Yes, we've all offered. Even SIL gets told to leave her to it in the kitchen.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 12/10/2017 14:41

If your mum is really the priority why were you even discussing what was on offer at MILs? Wasn't at all relevant was it? Unless of course you were all set to go to MILs for a free no work Christmas meal.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 14:45

granny because we were originally going there and then to my mums on Boxing Day. But I realised it wasn't fair and that it is my mum's turn to have us

Plus mum is doing Christmas how I prefer

OP posts:
dottypotter · 12/10/2017 14:48

people should just not bother with Christmas seriously its awful. Every 12 months pressure on people, what gifts to buy, what to eat, where to go, all because fairy tale about a baby called jesus was born. Honestly its not worth it.

celebrate your birthdays instead.

Also I saw Mothercare have their Christmas tree up already its just gone crazy.

Honeycombcrunch · 12/10/2017 15:03

Why hasn't your DH learned to cook? Has he never lived on his own? Before you have the baby it would be a good idea for him to learn how to make a few meals (that aren't ready meals!) because he's going to be a parent and needs to know how to feed his family.

Slimthistime · 12/10/2017 15:19

OP glad you got it sorted.

Granny "It will be my 47th wedding anniversary in a few weeks, I've cooked 47 Christmas dinners"

ugh. If I didn't have elderly parents, I'd say come to mine, eat picky food and cake and have Prosecco and we can laugh over MN classics Grin

diddl · 12/10/2017 15:19

"Plus mum is doing Christmas how I prefer"

It does sound as if you were going to go to ILs until you realised that the meal that you want won't be available!

Sounds as if it hasn't been fair to your mum for a few years in terms of Christmas Day.

heron98 · 12/10/2017 15:39

Oh God, I'd be so relieved not to have a Christmas dinner! I hate all the mountains of food, the faff, the sitting at the table in a boiling hot room for hours...but that's just me.

Doramaybe · 12/10/2017 16:00

heron98,

I am exactly the same. A full plate groaning with food makes me heave. I prefer small bits as and when I want them, like tapas.

But it is traditional, so DP does the food, all from M+S, he's a great cook ha ha.

Everyone is different.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 16:10

Honey He can cook soups, bolognese, lasagne, etc etc

OP posts:
Oly5 · 12/10/2017 16:13

Can't you say this year you're going to your mums?

Butterymuffin · 12/10/2017 16:23

He can cook soups, bolognese, lasagne, etc etc

I think you've been unfair to him then tbh when you said earlier he 'can't really cook'. That gives a different impression. And I say that as someone who's not otherwise that impressed with him.

Danceswithwarthogs · 12/10/2017 16:51

Go to your mum's for proper christmas so you can do all the fun/traditional stuff (and I'm sure she'd be delighted!!) New baby is a reason not to stay too late if dh finds it all too much. "Picky stuff" is more of a boxing day thing... Could you do that with his family? Plus less expectation to do gifts if it's not the actual day. Though the £1 bran tub idea sounds good! Amazing what you can find in the pound shop for a bit of fun

Danceswithwarthogs · 12/10/2017 16:55

Sorry, just read updates... Glad its sorted.... Just debating what to do about ours now!?

mathanxiety · 12/10/2017 18:57

Your DH should learn to drive. Does he have any plans to do so?

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