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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH wanting to go hiking on family weekend away.

342 replies

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 13:41

We are off to the Lake district for a Fri to Mon weekend away with our two dc.
DH has announced he plans to go for a short hike (2 hours) on the Sat and a long walk (5-6 hours) on the Sunday. He says he will get up at first light and go so he is back in time to do other things.
Am I being unreasonable to ask him not to?
I dont mind him going for a short walk each morning however a long walk will ruin the weekend for me. He will go to bed early the night before, probably wake dd2 up if he gets up early and be shattered and fit for nothing when he gets back.
I feel mean though. He loves hiking but hardly gets to go these days. I wouldn't mind so much if we were away for a week but think it will impact the holiday too much as with it only being a short break.

OP posts:

2014newme · 11/10/2017 14:57

Strange holiday.
Dh wants to walk, op doesn't
Teen bored
Op wants to shop and watch dvds

I'd pick somewhere else tbh

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 15:01

Well I couldn’t actually think of anything worse then hiking for miles in the winter in probably rain and maybe snow freezing bollocks off but each to their own.

The lakes are depressing in the summer let alone the winter but I feel I might be in the minority here.

Still op I think your ideas are a good compromise and your dh should compromise too.

Maybe it’s time for him to join a walking group and let your young teen develop her own ideas on leisure time and pursuits.

thecatsthecats · 11/10/2017 15:02

Sorry, but I'm with your husband on this one. The Lakes is not a place to be wasted on shopping trips. I'm from there originally, and let me tell you, it is utterly agonising when I'm up for a weekend and rain stops play.

However, this can definitely be worked around. One walk that he does early in the morning (if he actually sets off before it's light, he could get a good couple of hours in before coming back to you for leisurely breakfast). Another walk where he sets off early, joins with the rest of you for lunch, and you all carry on the walk together in the afternoon.

Thirteen year olds sulk. That's just what they do, and if she likes shopping, trust me, she will NOT be impressed by what Keswick or Kendal have to offer. M&S, Topshop, New Look and Tk Maxx - all tiny branches. Don't bother.

Do make time to go to Cartmel though. It's utterly beautiful over Christmas.

Original poster

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 15:03

Misevelina and DistanceCall I have said several times that I will happily go on shorter walks all together as a family and we have other plans together too. I don't mind DH going off hiking on his own for a few hours each day either.
I just don't want a whole day of the two full days there wasted whilst DH goes off for hours.

OP posts:

Caulkheadupnorf · 11/10/2017 15:03

Get to coniston water, there is an incredible national trust property that’s worth seeing.

LionAllMessy · 11/10/2017 15:04

When did hiking become a thing?

According to wikipedia, it was in the 18th century.

^The idea of taking a walk in the countryside for pleasure developed in the 18th-century, and arose because of changing attitudes to the landscape and nature, associated with the Romantic movement. In earlier times walking generally indicated poverty and was also associated with vagrancy"

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 15:07

I come from a family of long walkers. Hated it as a kid and still do. Boring. Now a game of footi or cricket on the beach for hours that’s fun.

Totally sympathise with that teenager. I was that teenager

SentimentalLentil · 11/10/2017 15:09

Oh for goodness sake, of course its not a waste of time going to the Lake District if you're not going on a five hour hike.
I love hiking but we're going as an extended family to have our Christmas there as we're all going to be in different places on actual Christmas. Our itenary sounds very similar to yours op, there'll be mooching around the shops but mostly nice lake cruises and going for tea and spending time as a family.
I LOVE a hiking holiday but this isn't that it's a family holiday for spending time with family. I'm not going to force anyone to track up a hill in the cold just because it's there.

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 15:11

Op you won’t win here.

Obviously you are a lazt shop a holic raising 2 equally lazy kids at risk of obeisity while your perfect fit dh is frustrated at the laziness all around him and cannot stand but to walk off into the hills and contemplate his naval.

How very dare you watch DVDs and sup hot chocolate don’t you value the beauty of freezing rain and howling wind?

How dare you fancy a nice meal out a a few drinks on New Year’s Eve!!

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 11/10/2017 15:13

I don't think it should be a rule that if you go to the lake district you MUST go on long and serious walks
Of course it's not a "rule", but if people are only interested in shopping, drinking hot chocolate, pubs and DVDs then what the fuck is the point of going to an area of outstanding natural beauty that's a mecca for hikers?!

I just don't want a whole day of the two full days there wasted whilst DH goes off for hours
And what does it matter if his walk takes up most of the daylight on one day? The activities you're more into can be done in the dark. Hell, if sulky teen is only interested in shopping why not stay at home and take her to the local mall for the day. In fact, I'd go as far as to ask what the point of this holiday is when you all seem to want different things from it. With all the compromising that will need to be done it sounds a recipe for disaster.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 11/10/2017 15:13

And by the way, if you just plan on sitting watching DVDs and having chocolate, what do you need your husband to be around for? Can't he be out walking while you do that?

I was wondering that. I'm in the get out and hike camp, although at that time of year the weather could be pretty poor for a long hike.

RhiannonOHara · 11/10/2017 15:14

What would the DH's response be if OP suddenly announced she was going off alone to do a hobby for 6 hours of one of the days?

If it would be anything other than 'certainly darling' then this is symptomatic of a power imbalance in the relationship which I would personally find unacceptable

Yes, this. At what point does HE have the DCs for six hours while YOU do what you want?

I'd say you should all go for a gentle hike together, then he can go on a shortish one alone, then you spend the rest of the time as a family.

Do piss off, those of you giving it funny faces at the idea of six hours being a short walk/the OP wanting to watch DVDs on holiday etc.

PermanentlyExhausted · 11/10/2017 15:15

I've not read the whole thread so maybe I've missed an explanation, but ...

You're going to the Lake District (a well-known walking holiday destination), between Christmas and New Year and you can't spend more than 2 nights there as it's so expensive. And what you want to do on this expensive holiday is not the activity that the area is known for but rather you want to go to a pub and/or sit in watching DVDs. Surely to god it would be more cost-effective just to stay at home?

Hidingtonothing · 11/10/2017 15:17

I think your compromise sounds ideal OP.

tippz · 11/10/2017 15:17

Love the many way men like to fuck off and do stuff on their own for half a day, but hardly ever offer to take the kids. (OR invite their wife/partner.) Yeah just tootle off, let the little women look after the kids.

Imagine if women (who have kids) did this?

Imagine if a woman with children said 'hey honey, I'm off out on Saturday morning at around 9am, shopping with mates, having lunch, then going to the cinema, I'll be back by 4 this afternoon.' And then just swanned off leaving him with the kids and housework etc?

Virtually the whole fucking day!

Yet men seem to do this on a fairly regular basis, and it seems to be widely accepted.

In short @Pooflower, your other half is taking the piss. No it ISN'T OK for him to piss off out for 6 hours on his own!

JessicaEccles · 11/10/2017 15:19

I first went to the lake District when I was five. And we went walking for hours- and it was amazing and gave me a life long love of the outdoors and the lakes and the mountains. To be stuck inside with DVDs would be my idea of hell.

Why not stay at home and pander to your children by doing what they can do every single other day of the year?

( I am bitter as I am now disabled and can no longer walk long distances and it makes me sad to think that children shouldn't at least try something different and outside...)

Roomster101 · 11/10/2017 15:19

Oh for goodness sake, of course its not a waste of time going to the Lake District if you're not going on a five hour hike.

As someone who can't walk that far, it really is a waste of time if you can't or don't want to walk. Once you have done a Lake cruise there isn't much else that doesn't involve walking.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 11/10/2017 15:21

I'm in my 50s and had plenty of time to myself when my children were small. My husband regularly took a day off and held the fort at home so I could go out shopping or spend time in an art gallery without the children. Maybe I'm just very lucky. However, I know lots of couples who seem to manage to give each other time to get on with things like going to the gym, running, cycling, book club, and it's not all one-sided by any means.

Ttbb · 11/10/2017 15:21

Why don't you go on one long one yourself and see how he likes it.

SentimentalLentil · 11/10/2017 15:23

Yes the Lake District is famous for its walking but there's also loads of other stuff to do, there's hundreds of lovely tea shops and villages to walk around, there's lake cruises and national trust houses.
It's not go on a hike or stay home for goodness sake.
Also sometimes it's nice to go somewhere other than your home to dedicate to family time, a change in scenery is nice.
What an odd attitude for people to have that basically you have to go on a hike or a holiday to the lakes is a waste of time.
We rent a house in the lakes once a year and always have a wonderful time and I can count the hikes we've done when we were there as a family on one hand.

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 15:23

It’s amazing how many female posters on here are excusing his selfishness though.

I think if he wanted to go to Away football matches every weekend or fish all fucking day on a 2 day family these there would have a different response.

By hiking in the Lake District well that’s middle class so he’s fine to piss off ditch his family and suit himself there

SentimentalLentil · 11/10/2017 15:24

@roomster101
Ok so you don't like the Lake District, that doesn't mean op's family holiday is a waste of time and she may as well stay at home.
Hanging out with the family in a different place is fun.

JessicaEccles · 11/10/2017 15:25

It’s amazing how many female posters on here are excusing his selfishness though

Sigh. No , we are amazed that anyone would go to the Lakes and NOT go hiking. He hasn't said he doesn't want the children with him- OP has said they won't be going and that everyone should endure some forced family hygge watching DVDS and drinking hot chocolate- which you could do at the Premier Inn in Croydon.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/10/2017 15:28

I agree, IF that is what happens. DH always pitches in 50% (more actually) on holiday. I got more time off to run and scuba dive than he got for his stuff last holiday. He makes very sure DD and I are happy and sorted and he sucks it up. In this case that would mean not being tired and grumpy after the hike. Also staying up to enjoy NY eve.

I think it's actually really important for both partners to encourage and facilitate their partner's interests. I'm a better wife and more interesting if I've been scuba diving and running rather than washing pots all day while he enjoys himself.

OP does he do his share?

PermanentlyExhausted · 11/10/2017 15:29

No, Theresamayscough, it's because there are a great many female posters on here who think that a lovely long walk in the Lake District would be heavenly and can't understand why anyone would go to the Lake District and not walk given half a chance.

It would be like going to a Mediterranean beach resort for two days and then throwing a wobbly because one person wanted to spend some time on the beach.

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