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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wanting to go hiking on family weekend away.

342 replies

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 13:41

We are off to the Lake district for a Fri to Mon weekend away with our two dc.
DH has announced he plans to go for a short hike (2 hours) on the Sat and a long walk (5-6 hours) on the Sunday. He says he will get up at first light and go so he is back in time to do other things.
Am I being unreasonable to ask him not to?
I dont mind him going for a short walk each morning however a long walk will ruin the weekend for me. He will go to bed early the night before, probably wake dd2 up if he gets up early and be shattered and fit for nothing when he gets back.
I feel mean though. He loves hiking but hardly gets to go these days. I wouldn't mind so much if we were away for a week but think it will impact the holiday too much as with it only being a short break.

OP posts:
RhiannonOHara · 11/10/2017 15:30

'endure' 'forced' family hygge Hmm? What a daft thing to say.

handslikecowstits · 11/10/2017 15:30

PermanentlyExhausted
I've not read the whole thread so maybe I've missed an explanation, but ...
You're going to the Lake District (a well-known walking holiday destination), between Christmas and New Year and you can't spend more than 2 nights there as it's so expensive. And what you want to do on this expensive holiday is not the activity that the area is known for but rather you want to go to a pub and/or sit in watching DVDs. Surely to god it would be more cost-effective just to stay at home?

What she ^ said. I can't fathom why you're going tbh. It all sounds very mismatched and just so you know, shopping isn't good in the Lakes.

PandorasXbox · 11/10/2017 15:30

Meh. You’re not fit enough to do a hike and the dc are 13 and 15 so I’d say let him have one day as long as he wants and one day doing stuff with you all. If your dc were younger I could understand you not wanting him going off for 6 hours but they will be loooking after themselves more or less.

Get a good book and a big bar of chocolate and relax!

Roomster101 · 11/10/2017 15:31

Ok so you don't like the Lake District, that doesn't mean op's family holiday is a waste of time and she may as well stay at home.
Hanging out with the family in a different place is fun.

I don't like it because there isn't much to do that doesn't involve walking. Walking around pretty villages or national trust gardens isn't really any different to walking around countryside if you can't or don't like walking far.

CamperVamp · 11/10/2017 15:31

Why is he needed for this sofa and DVD business?

He could go on his (all day) walk on Saturday while you wander round Ambleside and Bowness. Is shopping in these places (you know the vast majority of shops are outdoor shops? will your 13yo enjoy 14 shops selling waterproofs and boots? In his shoes (or boots) I would go POTTY mooching round Ambleside. Just as your 13 yo would apparently be sulky in experiencing a fabulous walk!

Anyway....

If the steamers are running, go up to Ullswater. Get steamer from Glenridding. You and kids get off at Aira Force, walk around the wateralls, get steamer to Pooley Bridge and back. NT cafe at Aira Force, and any number in Pooley Bridge. Meanwhile your DH gets off the steamer at Howtown and does a walk from there - Maybe over Arthur's Seat, a circular walk back to Patterdale and Glenridding. All meet back in Glenridding. (has cafes)

I honestly think you need to find some Lake District specific things to do - NT places, outdoor places of interest / beauty - short walks to tarns, etc . The towns aren't really a 'thing' in their own right. Going on the steamers is fine, of course. But you don't get the fabulous scenery of Great and Little Langdale etc.

How has he managed not to take his Dd walking?

I agree - get him to take the 5 year old out and get used to it!

Roomster101 · 11/10/2017 15:31

Ok so you don't like the Lake District, that doesn't mean op's family holiday is a waste of time and she may as well stay at home.
Hanging out with the family in a different place is fun.*

I don't like it because there isn't much to do that doesn't involve walking. Walking around pretty villages or national trust gardens isn't really any different to walking around countryside if you can't or don't like walking far.

Viserion · 11/10/2017 15:33

I see it as selfish to want to sit around inside watching DVDs and drinking hot chocolate, or go shopping, while in such a beautiful area. And I am a female.

There is a world of difference between formulating a plan to allow everyone to get a bit of what they want on a weekend away, and someone who commits to any form of activity which takes them out on the house every weekend for extended periods (golf, football, cycling etc)

DistanceCall · 11/10/2017 15:34

I just don't want a whole day of the two full days there wasted whilst DH goes off for hours.

It's not a whole day. It's 5 or 6 hours. If he leaves at 6, he'll be back by noon.

That said, you can ask him to make it a bit shorter, perhaps so that he's back by 10. Would that work?

CamperVamp · 11/10/2017 15:34

"Love the many way men like to fuck off and do stuff on their own for half a day, but hardly ever offer to take the kids. (OR invite their wife/partner.) Yeah just tootle off, let the little women look after the kids."

I am female. I have taken my kids walking on the fells since they were 5. This Dad could take the kids walking.

tippz · 11/10/2017 15:35

I agree, IF that is what happens. DH always pitches in 50% (more actually) on holiday. I got more time off to run and scuba dive than he got for his stuff last holiday. He makes very sure DD and I are happy and sorted and he sucks it up. In this case that would mean not being tired and grumpy after the hike. Also staying up to enjoy NY eve.

That's great @MrsTerryPratchett, but unfortunately, many couples/men are not like this, and the lion's share of the drudgery and childcare falls to the woman, and men don't think anything of sodding off for a day on their own. These same men would faint at the prospect of their woman doing the same thing; leaving them alone with the kids from 9am til 5pm while they go off on a few jollies with their mates, or to pursue a hobby or activity for the day.

As much as we would all like things to be different, we are a long way off it being acceptable for women to naff off for the day on a regular basis and leave the kids with their dad. Yet it seems to be OK for men to naff off for the day and leave the kids with mum.

DistanceCall · 11/10/2017 15:35

'endure' 'forced' family hygge hmm? What a daft thing to say.

Why? Some people don't like "snuggling up watching DVDs and having chocolate" when they could be out walking. Why is it daft?

PandorasXbox · 11/10/2017 15:36

Sorry misread 15 for 5.

Still stick to my original proposal.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 11/10/2017 15:37

I don't think OP's personal preferences have come into this at all so far. All she's trying to do is balance what her 5 year old can manage and what her 13 year old will enjoy with what her husband wants to do. The reason she's having to do all this wifework is because he doesn't give a toss that his wishes are incompatible with his kids' needs / wishes and has assumed that she will pick up the slack.

keeponworking · 11/10/2017 15:37

whataloadofoldbollocks
I don't think it should be a rule that if you go to the lake district you MUST go on long and serious walks
Of course it's not a "rule", but if people are only interested in shopping, drinking hot chocolate, pubs and DVDs then what the fuck is the point of going to an area of outstanding natural beauty that's a mecca for hikers?!

Er, because people have eyes?! With which to see these vistas that stretch miles and miles. There's also cars, bicycles, pony trekking (not sure if the Lakes have that, just listing some other ways people enjoy the countryside). Picnics, messing around at the water's edge of a lake (oooh, could be onto something here...) or the edge of the sea, sitting in your car with a flask facing the beach but not getting out of the car.... These are all legitimate pursuits and ways of experiencing the land.

To go anywhere significant or gain any height would take several hours of serious walking - not everyone has the same zealous intent that it can only be experienced on a hike!

And OP has said SEVERAL times she's not averse to having some walks that ALL the family can do... Seems entirely reasonable after all that walking or visiting different towns and shopping that you might want to snuggle down with a glass of wine/hot chocolate and watch some telly.

Kr1st1na · 11/10/2017 15:39

There will be 7 1/4 hours of day light. So his 5-6 hour hike plus travel will take the whole day.

So I'd agree to him taking the whole day to himself on the Sunday as long as you get the whole day to yourself on the Saturday . So he has to entertain and Feed the kids.

Then on the Sunday he needs to be back by 330 so you can take the kids out somewhere where he packs up.

That's a fair compromise.

Him taking half the Saturday and all of the Sunday is unreasonable. As is him always leaving you to do the clearing up and packing while he entertains the kids.

Where you are going and what each of you wants to do isn't relevant here. It's about fairness, not the moral worthiness of shopping versus hiking .

JessicaEccles · 11/10/2017 15:39

we are a long way off it being acceptable for women to naff off for the day on a regular basis and leave the kids with their dad

Ironically, the first time my mother went to the Lake District hiking and abseiling, she was 21. I was four and my dad looked after me at home.

SentimentalLentil · 11/10/2017 15:40

I'm sorry that you can't walk far Roomster but I'm not really sure why that's relevant to the OP,
OP says she wants to do small walks and look around shops and villages etc and PP's are saying that unless you want to go on long hikes for hours on end then going to the Lake District is pointless and she may as well go to a premier inn in Croydon or stay at home.

If you can't walk then yes the Lake District would be boring but obviously the OP likes it because she's booked it and I think it's a bit mean of all the PP's who are telling her that she may as well stay at home.

Motherofterriers · 11/10/2017 15:40

Is there a "one way" hike he could do where you could drive over and meet him with the kids at the end - say a village with a nice pub?

sonjadog · 11/10/2017 15:41

I would send him off and wish him a great hike. But then again, I can´t imagine being in one of these relationships where time apart is carefully counted and begrudged unless it is absolutely mutual. Some other time, you can go and do an activity you enjoy while he is with the kids.

JessicaEccles · 11/10/2017 15:43

The reason she's having to do all this wifework is because he doesn't give a toss that his wishes are incompatible with his kids' needs / wishes

I know this is a radical solution- but why don't the adults do what they want- and the children can chose which parent they want to go with?

handslikecowstits · 11/10/2017 15:45

I think it's a bit mean of all the PP's who are telling her that she may as well stay at home

I think it'd be better if the whole family went somewhere else where they all do stuff together.

I do think that the OP has booked this with her DH in mind and hasn't really thought about herself.

Original poster
PooFlower · 11/10/2017 15:46

To those asking why I want to go to the Lake district if I don't want to hike.
I love the Lake district. I love the countryside, the stunning scenery, the fresh air. I like to go for short walks and visit the towns and see the lakes and I love country pubs with roaring fires.
Dvds and hot chocolate are just a tiny part of it, in the evening when it's dark after a day being outside.
Just because I am not keen on hiking up a mountain for six hours does not mean I dont want to do outdoors activities.

OP posts:
PandorasXbox · 11/10/2017 15:48

And your husband does love hiking. It would be mean to not allow him one full day.

Roomster101 · 11/10/2017 15:53

I'm sorry that you can't walk far Roomster but I'm not really sure why that's relevant to the OP

SentimentalLentil I didn't say that I can't walk at all. I can walk around shops for example. That sounds similar to what OP wants to do but there is no point in going to Lake District for that as great.. You probably think that there is plenty to do without walking far because you can walk fairly long distances without thinking about it.

Original poster
PooFlower · 11/10/2017 15:54

JessicaEccles they would both choose me.
I would love a day by myself while DH took the kids off it would be bliss.

OP posts:
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