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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH wanting to go hiking on family weekend away.

342 replies

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 13:41

We are off to the Lake district for a Fri to Mon weekend away with our two dc.
DH has announced he plans to go for a short hike (2 hours) on the Sat and a long walk (5-6 hours) on the Sunday. He says he will get up at first light and go so he is back in time to do other things.
Am I being unreasonable to ask him not to?
I dont mind him going for a short walk each morning however a long walk will ruin the weekend for me. He will go to bed early the night before, probably wake dd2 up if he gets up early and be shattered and fit for nothing when he gets back.
I feel mean though. He loves hiking but hardly gets to go these days. I wouldn't mind so much if we were away for a week but think it will impact the holiday too much as with it only being a short break.

OP posts:

Herbcake · 11/10/2017 14:01

If we are away for a week he plans a long walk usually on the last day when I'm packing up which works well for us.

Works well for him! Doesn't have to do anything does he!!

Sorry, not what you asked...

RatherBeRiding · 11/10/2017 14:01

I think one morning is fair. If he is a real lover of hiking then a weekend in the Lake District with just a few mini-hikes with the family while all those lovely hills beckon is a bit mean I think. But 2 mornings is too much. He does his short walk or his longer walk, not both.

BarbarianMum · 11/10/2017 14:01

If he really loves hiking and rarely gets to indulge then i would allow him 1 longish hike. Am assuming you don't live somewhere where he could do this on a normal weekend. It would kill me to go to the Lakes and not do a proper walk.

Viserion · 11/10/2017 14:04

5-6 hours is not an expedition . I did that last weekend on the spur of the moment when I found myself at a loose end. Pub lunches, DVDs and hot chocolate don't need you to leave home so it seems like a waste of being in the Lakes to me.

Sounds like a classic case of marital miscommunication of expectation from the weekend. His idea of a break is time on his own. Your idea of a break is doing something all together. Different people have different ways to unwind.

So, you both need to compromise and he has one day for himself, and you have one day as a family.

cingolimama · 11/10/2017 14:06

Sorry, OP but I don't understand why you can't all go on the shorter hike?

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 14:06

MMM so you will be stuck with the bored sulky teenager and a toddler while he swans off to do his own manly stuff..

I would be telling Him to go alone as

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 14:09

WHY would he need one day to himself on a 2 day family holiday?

What a strange attitude to family time.

Boulshired · 11/10/2017 14:10

My idea of hell would be not going hiking when in the lakes, why would I travel and stay somewhere to watch DVDs.

BarbarianMum · 11/10/2017 14:12

Because he wants to do a proper hike and no one else does Teresa

mindutopia · 11/10/2017 14:12

Yes, I would think it's unreasonable. I often wake up early to take a walk because I like to, but never more than an hour and I'm always back around the time everyone is waking up or just a little bit after. Then we have breakfast and the whole day together. If I wanted significant time to myself (5-6 hours) on a regular basis, I don't mean the odd weekend and definitely not on a family holiday, I would have to do it in my own time (i.e. take time off work to have a day to myself that didn't impede on anyone else). But a family holiday isn't the time to do it.

2014newme · 11/10/2017 14:14

I too think it's strange to go away for the weekend and plan to watch dvds. You can do that at home it's a waste of a holiday. Ditto hot chocolate is not a magical elixir it's just a drink you can have anywhere at any time. It's not a holiday activity

BarbarianMum · 11/10/2017 14:14

P.S. the OP hasn't said that her dd will be "bored and sulky" and a 5 year old is hardly a toddler.

GrumpyOldBag · 11/10/2017 14:16

Hiking is what you do in the Lake District.

We do a lot of hiking as family and our dc have certainly been capable of it since they were about 5.

You should all go together on the short hike, and maybe DH takes the older child with him on the long hike while you do something with the younger one, then you all meet up for a nice lunch together.

Original poster

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 14:18

I do understand how it would feel for him to be in the lakes surrounded by walks and not participating.
I wish we were going for longer to fit everything in but it's so expensive at that time of year.
Maybe us going for a shorter walk all together and him going for a longer walk from 8am until lunch time on the Sunday would be a compromise.

OP posts:

5rivers7hills · 11/10/2017 14:18

MMM so you will be stuck with the bored sulky teenager and a toddler while he swans off to do his own manly stuff..

A 5 hour hike is hardly manly stuff.

Both children should be easily capable of doing a 4 hour hike with a pub lunch in the middle. I'd plan two nice hikes you can all do together on both days.

Going to the lake district and watching DVDs sounds a bit shit TBH.

GhostsToMonsoon · 11/10/2017 14:18

I wouldn't really be happy with this, although I can understand how he must miss going on long walks. I'd rather compromise and do a short to medium walk as a family.

I am thinking about doing an HF family walking holiday. Each day they have a choice of three or four walks, ranging from a short one of about 3 miles to a 10-12 mile hill walk.

GrumpyOldBag · 11/10/2017 14:19

Just seen you've said the kids won't go with him. In my experience they usually will if incentivised - e.g. a nice hot chocolate, or pub lunch with coke, at the end of it.

My DC absolutely love hiking with my DH.

Original poster

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 14:20

13 year old will definitely be bored and sulky. The five year old will be fine but she wouldn't walk for six hours.

OP posts:

TatianaLarina · 11/10/2017 14:21

I think 2 short hikes of a couple of hours is fine. Leaving you with th kids for 5-6 hour’s is not.

If he likes hiking and misses it I’d suggest he joins a hiking group and goes off for the odd day’s walk. That’s what my dad does.

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 14:22

Barbarian

See not a toddler as that was posted after mine however I would consider one of the 4 people on a 2 day family break pissing off for hours on end to indulge in s hobby that can’t include the op, she says she can’t walk far. a 5 year old who can’t do a 6 hour hike and s teenager who doesn’t want to.

It’s very selfish and odd.

A family holiday involves family activities so as op described a shorter family hike, a nice lunch and maybe family games or films.

Just because the ops dh wants to spend the whole day hiking doesn’t mean he should. And it’s sad he wants to.

2014newme · 11/10/2017 14:22

Strange holiday choice. I'd pick somewhere that my kids would not find boring. Mine would be fine in the lakes but if yours aren't and you're just going to watch dvds pick simew7else!

Hillarious · 11/10/2017 14:23

What a shame you can't encourage your DC to do a hike - a long walk is such a nice way to spend time with the DC and makes for low maintenance children in the long run if they can take enjoyment from something as basic as that. Even bad weather can be fun if you need to improvise on finding shelter from the rain, and make the hot chocolate and DVDs so much more worthwhile. My youngest at the age of 5 was certainly up for a long walk. I think you and your OH - and the DC - need to meet half way.

Didiusfalco · 11/10/2017 14:23

I think one long walk would be okay but not with a short one on another day, not for the length of your break or the time of year.

I hope there’s are other things to do in the Lake District apart from walk as I’m going with 2 yr old dc this month who definitely won’t be hiking!

MegBusset · 11/10/2017 14:23

Yy to going all together, why else go to the Lake District? And there are plenty of long walks you can do that aren't over mountaintops!

We first went to the Lakes when the DC were 5 and 7, would happily spend all day out with them broken up with picnic / pub / tea shop stops. You can still watch DVDs and drink hot chocolate but it will taste a lot better after a fab day out walking!

Theresamayscough · 11/10/2017 14:24

I gotta say I had 5 kids and at 13 a 6 hour hike would have them calling child line.

Get it sorted before you go
Op or you will have a miserable time with them while he swans off.

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