Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wanting to go hiking on family weekend away.

342 replies

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 13:41

We are off to the Lake district for a Fri to Mon weekend away with our two dc.
DH has announced he plans to go for a short hike (2 hours) on the Sat and a long walk (5-6 hours) on the Sunday. He says he will get up at first light and go so he is back in time to do other things.
Am I being unreasonable to ask him not to?
I dont mind him going for a short walk each morning however a long walk will ruin the weekend for me. He will go to bed early the night before, probably wake dd2 up if he gets up early and be shattered and fit for nothing when he gets back.
I feel mean though. He loves hiking but hardly gets to go these days. I wouldn't mind so much if we were away for a week but think it will impact the holiday too much as with it only being a short break.

OP posts:
WhatWouldGenghisDo · 11/10/2017 14:39

I'm speculating here, but if op isn't specially into hiking herself, maybe agreeing to have her holiday in the lakes and go for short, child-friendly walks was already her bit of the compromise?

Viserion · 11/10/2017 14:42

I wish we were going for longer to fit everything in but it's so expensive at that time of year.

Walking costs nothing. Pub lunches do.

missevelina · 11/10/2017 14:44

I agree that going to the Lakes to drink hot chocolate and watch dvds is a complete waste of time! Surely DC's aged 13 and 5 would find that incredibly boring too?Wouldn't they much rather be outside doing some kind of new activity they wouldn't be able to do at home?

I honestly fail to see the problem with DH going on hikes in the mornings - he'd be back by lunch and he hardly needs to be full of energy for dvds and hot chocolate in the afternoons, does he!

You want family time but seem to be unwilling to spend time as a family doing something your DH would enjoy too. If you're going inbetween Christmas and New Year, you have plenty of time to build up your fitness level to enable you to go on a 5-6 hour hike. Wrap up warm, grab the kids and have fun outdoors! I guarantee you would all enjoy that much more than wasting the weekend in front of the TV.

DistanceCall · 11/10/2017 14:44

And by the way, if you just plan on sitting watching DVDs and having chocolate, what do you need your husband to be around for? Can't he be out walking while you do that?

oldlaundbooth · 11/10/2017 14:44

Could you all do aira force instead?

Five year old friendly.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/10/2017 14:44

He will go to bed early the night before, probably wake dd2 up if he gets up early and be shattered and fit for nothing when he gets back

^ Going to bed early the night before, for a 5-6 hour walk is pretty pathetic. If he did that for the two hour walk I'd laugh at him. Then it being so much for him that he's shattered? Fgs. It's not just the time he's out walking is it, it's really going to dominate your entire trip. He needs to realise that & adjust accordingly.

Original poster
PooFlower · 11/10/2017 14:44

DH will compromise and won't go on a walk at all if I asked him not to. I would feel terrible if I did that though.
Dd13 likes to shop. We did initially look at Chester and York which would be more suitable for her but couldn't fine accommodation in our price range.
I think a compromise is the way forward with a medium sized walk for DH and a few shorter ones if he wanted. Then we would have time to do something else in the afternoon.

OP posts:
Roomster101 · 11/10/2017 14:44

I would suggest two short walks as otherwise you won't be doing much as a family for the weekend.

Original poster
PooFlower · 11/10/2017 14:46

That sounds like a plan Teresamayscough!

OP posts:
WineBeforeCake · 11/10/2017 14:46

Utterly unreasonable!

Those sorts of short treks are nothing really, especially if he does it around the rest of you.

MagicFajita · 11/10/2017 14:47

This is a tricky one.

On the one hand I always roll my eyes at these partners with lengthly outdoorsy hobbies as they do come accross at quite selfish. As the hobby of the "left behind" partner ends up being child related or shoehorned in due to the hiker/cylist/runner's demands for time.

But I also do see that if you're in that area it'd be a shame not to make the most of it.

The partner is being a slightly cf as he's seemingly started with big demands which means he probably expects to be bargained down. It's all terribly hard work isn't it?

I think as long as you go into discussion clear about what you want op , you will hopefully be listened to.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 11/10/2017 14:47

TBH that time of year with the short days and cold, I'd say you could only safely do short walks with a 5yo. Different ballgame in the summer... could you maybe compromise with a promise you'll be back in the summer when you can do longer walks as a family and/or he can have day(s) to go do properly big walks?

Tho TB brutally H, the idea of day being "driving up to Keswick or down to Kendal" would be so awful to me. If I'm in the Lakes, I walk, unless the weather is really really awful (very possible in late Dec, but then I wouldn't be wanting to drive up and down those roads in really really awful weather either!).

I think you need a good discussion of what the actual point of going to the Lakes is. I do think you could have stayed a much cheaper place for the tucked up in front of a open fire type holiday... and not clogged up the already clogged up Lakeland roads....

capercaillie · 11/10/2017 14:48

Agree with doing short walk as family - lots of options. Bribery is good. Hot choc and wine more appreciated if have got cold and wet first.

I'd let DH go off on the longer hike. It can be v frustrating having a holiday in that area without doing a decent walk. DH and I do take it in turns to do this type of thing or take children with us.

Hillarious · 11/10/2017 14:48

If it's a choice between a 5-6 hour hike alone or trekking round the shops with a 13 year old DD, I know what I'd rather do!

Boulshired · 11/10/2017 14:49

I suppose this is were I have a problem, I do not see a trip to Costa for a hot chocolate or watching DVDs as family time.

Ploppie4 · 11/10/2017 14:50

How boring. Keswick or Kendal shopping on a mini break away. Can’t he walk while you do the boring shopping if that’s what you and your DD like

Original poster
PooFlower · 11/10/2017 14:51

I meant the accomodation was expensive at that time of year Vasarian.
Its costing just under £500 for three nights in a lodge and that was a good deal compared to some places we looked at.

OP posts:
Thinkingaboutarevolution · 11/10/2017 14:51

Not read the thread but sunrise on 28th December in Windermere is 8.33.

keeponworking · 11/10/2017 14:52

I don't think it should be a rule that if you go to the lake district you MUST go on long and serious walks route marches. If you've got a 5yo who hasn't built up to doing a longer walk they might struggle with it (cue misery for mom). I think OP thought she'd have a really nice family time with some more 'adulty' bits (designed to meet the needs of her and her husband) like ending up at a nice pub for lunch after a pleasant walk.

Even with the 13 yo if she could be persuaded to walk for hours with her dad it can't just happen (and shouldn't happen) at the drop of a hat - not least the lack of proper gear to go walking and the appropriate nod to safety.

I can see what OP wanted to get out of it (and it wasn't just DVDs and hot choccies - there is a limit what you can do and where you can go in the pitch black of a winter's night after 4pm!!).

And whilst I totally understand that if OPs hubby really likes walking and would find the lake district a great place to go walking, to want to spend what equates to what 8 hours out of probably, a useful 16 hours of available daylight that would be available over two days - seems ENTIRELY unreasonable to me not least since OP will be stuck with a teen and a 5yo to entertain - and unless specific planning has been given to what activities they can do that fit in with where hubby wants to walk, it seems there might not be that much for them to do for quite large chunks of the time (although I also agree that teens shouldn't expect all trips to include organised expensive activities).

It feels a bit to me like them all trailing round after OPs hubby and keeping themselves entertained whilst he does what he wants affording him a complete break from responsibility for the kids and a quite singular lack of interest in spending time which does not match with OPs desire to have a lovely time together. Not much of a 'break' (well, not for OP)!

And he didn't ask. He assumed. That's selfish.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/10/2017 14:53

I think you should all be making an effort to go walking. What's the point of being in the beautiful Lake District and sitting around? The idea of snuggling up and drinking hot chocolate and watching dvds sounds bloody awful to me. But, if you and your children won't participate then you won't. Let your husband go. Why would you want to stop him doing something he absolutely loves when it's something you're apathetic about?

This 'family time' thing is odd. It's not always equal and there's give and take. It doesn't need to be on a constant tally like some posters prescribe. As long as you both give each other equal time off over a period so it balances then what's the problem?

NikiBabe · 11/10/2017 14:53

So from 8:33am a 6 hour hike takes you to 2:30pm and the sun goes down an hour later.

Screw that. It's the whole day regarding day light.

Mxyzptlk · 11/10/2017 14:54

Why not write out a rough timetable of what each of you will be doing at any particular time.
That could help you all to see if you will have enough things that you'll enjoy and enough together time.

And tell DH that if he wakes the 5 year old, early in the morning, you'll be up from bed like a shot and going out to do your own thing and he can do kiddy breakfast and tantrums! Grin

HandbagKrabby · 11/10/2017 14:54

When did hiking become a thing? I've been to the Lake District as a child and was fully occupied without walking 6 hours a day. Op I'm with you, there's plenty to do without needing to hike, if you enjoy it then fine but it's not compulsory

Roomster101 · 11/10/2017 14:56

I can see why he might expect to walk if you are going to the Lake District. If you don't intend to walk I can't see the point in going there in the first place. There isn't much else to do, especially for a teenager.

Hillarious · 11/10/2017 14:56

A walk is a lovely, pleasurable experience for all the family, but not if it's just round the shops. The OP and the DC have some much to gain from doing a nice walk, which should be a compromise on the 5-6 hours suggested by the OP's OH.