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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to stay at dp's friends house

108 replies

Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 20:26

We're going down to Essex to visit some of dps friends I have met his friend once at a function but never met his wife. We have ore booked a hotel but they've very kindly offered to put us up. I know some people wouldn't mind doing that but I don't feel comfortable when I don't know them. Dp would like to, and doesn't understand why I don't, he would be drinking all night prob were as I'm a bit of a light weight like that lol. I just feel more comfortable going out with them having a meal, a few drinks and then go back to a hotel were I can relax. Is that weird?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 20:32

I maybe wouldn't mind once I knew them a bit more... even then I don't particularly like it though

OP posts:
donajimena · 10/10/2017 20:35

I'd definitely go for the hotel. Nothing worse than waking up in someone else's house too scared to put the tv on/have a number 2 etc etc.

Brakebackcyclebot · 10/10/2017 20:36

Up to you. But I think it's a bit odd of you.

Doramaybe · 10/10/2017 20:38

I never stay with anyone other than close family that I can have a laugh with and kick up my heels.

Anything else is in an hotel nearby or B+B. There is nothing like your privacy really. But then again I might be unusual, but I don't think I am, I just say it.

I think if you stayed elsewhere they might breath a sigh of relief too!!

Win win.

Just do what makes you comfortable. Life is too short for apologies.

Whocansay · 10/10/2017 20:40

It's a personal call. I would be happy to stay and get to know them better. It's only for a short while. But if you aren't comfortable, you aren't comfortable. So go for the hotel.

teaandtoast · 10/10/2017 20:40

YANBU. I stayed at my partner's friends' house once. You couldn't flush the toilet at night for fear of waking the children.
Four adults drinking after a meal...it wasn't pleasant.

Butterymuffin · 10/10/2017 20:44

Just tell them it was a non-refundable booking deal, what a shame, you'll come and stay some other time at theirs. I've stayed with people I didn't yet know well and it can be great but it's also been excruciating. Hotels always pay off.

LakieLady · 10/10/2017 20:45

I stayed at my partner's friends' house once. You couldn't flush the toilet at night for fear of waking the children

Ewwww. I think I'd have popped out and pissed in the garden.

RosiePosieRosie · 10/10/2017 20:54

Nah, stay where you’re comfortable

mindutopia · 10/10/2017 20:56

I don't think it's weird to stay with them. I've stayed with loads of my husband's friends and family pretty much the first day I ever met them (they are very geographically spread out, so in order to even meet them, we had to travel like 3+hours). It wasn't a big deal. You didn't mention if you had kids, but with children, though I can understand it more. Most of my husband's friends don't yet have kids. We have a 4 year old. THAT can be really overwhelming as it feels really rude to wake everyone in the house up at 5am with our shouting kid. Otherwise, no, I wouldn't mind and I'd be grateful to be in one place and not have to drive. But if you don't want to and you've already booked a hotel, that's fine. I'd just say thanks for the offer but we already booked a room.

DaisysStew · 10/10/2017 20:57

Not odd at all. I hate staying at other people's houses, plus staying at a hotel is a bit of a treat. Room service, privacy and not having to worry about waking everyone up if you need to pee in the night - much better choice.

Original poster
Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 21:04

I don't think it's weird to want to stay with them, I just feel uncomfortable. They do have young children, we won't have ours with us, they are with their other parent! I will look forward to going and meeting them if I know I'm going back to a hotel I will feel apprehensive if I know I'm staying with them, can't help it but I think dp is a bit disappointed with me and said he wouldn't mind if it was one of my friends....but well that's him!

OP posts:
Theresnonamesleft · 10/10/2017 21:05

They won't have the little toiletry bottles, fluffy robes, fluffy towels, massive bath/decent shower. Room service. Cuppa when you want one. Plus let's not forget a shag. You really going to have a shag with his mate in the next room?
Don't feel like a lazy mare if they are the type to wake up at 6, but you prefer to wake up later.

Herbcake · 10/10/2017 21:12

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest but I can think of 3 people I know off the top of my head who would feel the same as you.

You need to get your DP to understand though.

BuzzKillington · 10/10/2017 21:16

Hotel for me!

I'd only stay with friends I know well.

Original poster
Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 21:18

Good don't feel so weird now lol

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 10/10/2017 21:21

You will feel more comfortable in a hotel, so thats where you should stay.

It's not unusual at all. I hate staying with anyone I don't know extremely well, like 20+ years.

Winebottle · 10/10/2017 21:21

I go with DP. If he knows them well enough, I wouldn't have a problem staying.

FunnysInLaJardin · 10/10/2017 21:23

I hate staying with other people full stop and so YANBU going to a hotel. I even do this when I visit my parents for various reasons. i need my own space!

Longdistance · 10/10/2017 21:24

When I first met Dh, I met all his friends, and met them once, was invited to stay. They liked me that much. I trusted my Dhs judgement to stay with them.

I don't see the problem 🤷🏼‍♀️

CoughLaughFart · 10/10/2017 21:29

Just say thank you very much, but your hotel is non-refundable, so you may as well use it.

DavidPuddy · 10/10/2017 21:30

I would feel so disappointed if I had abrare chance to visit friends and my DP wanted to cut the time short and stay in a hotel. I love having late night cups of tea and hanging round in pyjamas in the morning. Seeing the weird things people do in their own homes. You say your DP is disappointed. Can you really not cope with it for one night?

MissingPanda · 10/10/2017 21:38

YANBU I wouldn't want to stay with people I hadn't met before either. Once I'd got to know them I'd probably stay, depending on how we got on, but the first time I'd prefer to stay in a hotel.

Wdigin2this · 10/10/2017 21:38

I don't really like staying in other people's houses, so I'd be insisting on an hotel!

yorkshireyummymummy · 10/10/2017 21:39

No. I couldn't do it. B&B or hotel for me.
You may find that you get in really well with them and in the future you may decide to stay with them but for the first time - especially if it makes you uncomfortable- hotel.
I would also say to DP that there's a small chance that you and friends wife may clash/ not get on. It does happen. Then imagine having to go to bed and wake up in the morning , going downstairs....do you make it a quick ' thanks but must dash........' Or do you have to sit and endure a full English?? it would be like a walk of shame! No thank you!

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