Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to stay at dp's friends house

108 replies

Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 20:26

We're going down to Essex to visit some of dps friends I have met his friend once at a function but never met his wife. We have ore booked a hotel but they've very kindly offered to put us up. I know some people wouldn't mind doing that but I don't feel comfortable when I don't know them. Dp would like to, and doesn't understand why I don't, he would be drinking all night prob were as I'm a bit of a light weight like that lol. I just feel more comfortable going out with them having a meal, a few drinks and then go back to a hotel were I can relax. Is that weird?

OP posts:
SpamBurrito · 10/10/2017 21:41

I would be the same as you OP. I'd stay for as long as they like, drinking and shooting the breeze and getting ratarsed. Or not, if you don't drink.

But then get I'd get a cab to take me back to my own private and personal space.
I HATE staying in other people's houses. Even people I know!
When I visit my dd and her partner, who live 200 miles away, I get a Travelodge nearby. It's a tiny house, and dh snores, and I don't sleep that well. Even in a Travelodge with dh, I feel that I can wake in the night and make a cup of tea without disturbing him too much.

I really hate being a houseguest. You are not alone. I wouldn't do it if I can afford a nearby hotel.

yesiamgoingtoeatthat · 10/10/2017 21:42

Perhaps suggesting that this time you stay in a hotel while you get to know them better, and next time stay with them?

Anyway you can both relax more in a hotel...

Original poster
Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 21:45

Davidpuddy sitting round in pyjamas drinking cups of tea. Omg 😲 no thanks. That wouldn't happen anyway. Each to their own though

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 10/10/2017 21:47

YANBU - much better to stay in a hotel whete you can relax, have a bit of privacy.

Theresnonamesleft · 10/10/2017 21:48

Sitting around in pj's drinking tea?
Would rather be in the hotel doing that. Away from their dc's asking a million questions.

How old are these children?

Is it possible they have suggested this, so the night can be cut short because of the babysitter?

Where would you be sleeping? Actual guest room, living room, their room, one of the dc's rooms? All this counts.

tippz · 10/10/2017 21:49

@Lostmum72

Oh Hell to the NO. I would not be staying anywhere but a hotel. It's as much as I can do to even VISIT people I hardly know, for more than 2 hours or spend 2 hours out with them (having a meal for example.) I have stayed at someone's house before (who I barely know,) and felt SO uncomfortable and awkward. Confused

Get a hotel. Even a Travelodge would be better.

@DavidPuddy

I would feel so disappointed if I had a rare chance to visit friends and my DP wanted to cut the time short and stay in a hotel. I love having late night cups of tea and hanging round in pyjamas in the morning. Seeing the weird things people do in their own homes. You say your DP is disappointed. Can you really not cope with it for one night?

But why would you want to put your partner through this if they didn't want to do it? Maybe YOU can stay and they can go to the comfort of the hotel room? I assume you are quite young, because this sounds very typical 'sleepover' behaviour from someone I would expect from someone under 25, not a mature adult.

Most people over 25/30 would find sleeping over at someone else's home, having supper together, and waiting for the bathroom the next day so you could have a shower and a shit, and then having to sit there having breakfast with them very uncomfortable. Especially if they didn't know the people well. Confused

Even if I know them (and get on with them,) I still would be reluctant to stay.

Fortunately, me and my DH both think and feel the same, we always stay in a hotel, in our own cosy little space, where we can shit and fart and walk around naked to our heart's content. Then sit in bed eating belvita, and supping the complimentary coffee, coz we can't be arsed to talk to anyone, or go down for brekkie.

Leeds2 · 10/10/2017 21:50

I would prefer to stay in a hotel!

Sweetpea55 · 10/10/2017 21:53

I'd hate it. I don't sleep well and sometimes gave to get up during the night. I wouldn't feel right roaming around someone else's house trying to get the TV to work.

Doramaybe · 10/10/2017 21:54

Just wondered how many of you would REALLY and honestly like the prospect of a couple staying in YOUR house for a weekend or whatever?

God as if life wasn't complicated enough than to have to cater for the whims of visitors that you half know. NO from me.

But you are all saintly. I am not.

Herbcake · 10/10/2017 21:56

Most people over 25/30 would find sleeping over at someone else's home, having supper together, and waiting for the bathroom the next day so you could have a shower and a shit, and then having to sit there having breakfast with them very uncomfortable. Especially if they didn't know the people well

I don't think that's true. SOME people might but there's plenty that wouldn't.

MadisonAvenue · 10/10/2017 21:58

YANBU.

I hate staying in other people's houses, even family. I had to stay at my mother in law's house last year after a family wedding and felt so uncomfortable. I'd suggested a hotel but my husband said she'd be offended so I gave in. Not only did I feel uncomfortable staying there but the actual bed was the worst I've ever slept in, the room was hot and the window locked with no keys to be seen in the middle of the night to let some cooler air in. It's a small house and there were 7 adults staying.

We have another wedding in the same area next Spring and I will definitely be pushing to stay in a hotel this time.

Hufflepuff719 · 10/10/2017 21:58

It's up to you. And you want to stay in a hotel, so do that.

It would be different if they were your friends, but you don't know them.

Original poster
Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 21:59

Oh yeh it was all different when I was very young like 20 years ago, I'd of thought it was great but at 45 I like my space, for many reasons. My dp is different, he says he understands why I would feel uncomfortable but I feel he still thinks I'm strange lol!

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/10/2017 21:59

I think if you stayed elsewhere they might breath a sigh of relief too!!

Don't project your feelings onto them. They might well be really looking forward to having the OP & her DH stay,

Tippz. How bloody judgemental & rude. I know people of all ages that enjoy staying with friends for the weekend or going away on holiday sharing a villa.

Theresnonamesleft · 10/10/2017 21:59

Also does his partner actually know?
I remember a thread on here I think it was, partner didn't know about partners mates staying over until the last minute.

Doramaybe · 10/10/2017 22:02

Very few people like anyone staying for a weekend, whether they know them or not.

Get real and be honest.

SewButtons · 10/10/2017 22:03

I would feel exactly the same as you and thankfully DP is finally beginning to understand that it isn't a comment on his friends that I don't want to stay with them but more than I value my own space and need somewhere to be able to relax as I find socialising quite tiring.
Strangely however, even though I hate staying in other people's houses I actually love having guests in my own house. Which works well for us as we live in London and DP is from another country where most of his friends still live so it's nice for them to be able to visit us.

UnRavellingFast · 10/10/2017 22:04

Stick to your guns OP.

blackteasplease · 10/10/2017 22:06

Yeah, your DP needs to be understanding about this

If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable.

Ellendegeneres · 10/10/2017 22:08

Hotel for me! I like the privacy and knowing if I snore or fart in bed, nobody else is gonna hear. Plus the morning waking to someone else's kids when you're kid free yourself... who can be arsed? I love my dc, but if I've not got them for a night I'm sleeping in and not waking until I damn well please, then taking tea in bed and ordering room service. Nice bacon and egg butty mmmm...

Original poster
Lostmum72 · 10/10/2017 22:20

And I don't want them to see me in the morning looking the pits! But I wouldn't want to appear vein and put my make up on first thing either....little things!

OP posts:
tippz · 10/10/2017 22:21

tippz

Most people over 25/30 would find sleeping over at someone else's home, having supper together, and waiting for the bathroom the next day so you could have a shower and a shit, and then having to sit there having breakfast with them very uncomfortable. Especially if they didn't know the people well

@Herbcake

I don't think that's true. SOME people might but there's plenty that wouldn't.

Are you actually reading the posts in this thread?! Around 90% are saying a huge fat NO. That they would NOT want to stay at someone's house who they barely knew, and be slopping around in jammies, and fighting for the shitter the next day.

Even going to the loo would be awkward, as many people find it embarrassing and awkward to shit in someone else's house, (especially if they don't really know them!) Plus they would find it awkward to sit having brekkie with them, especially if they have kids crawling and sniffing around them.

It's not 'some' it's MOST- as I said.

I agree with the majority on here, stick to your guns OP, and refuse.

Llanali · 10/10/2017 22:25

Yanbu if you don't want to, but all this talk about how most people hate staying and having guests is rubbish. Some people might and that's fine, but amongst my friends and family we regularly stay with each other, all over the country. Even the ones we don't know well.

For example, BIL sister is working near us for a week, so she's staying here.... I met her once at a wedding years ago. I don't mind and neither does she.....

I'm staying with friends of friends next weekend too.... I'm not sure if I've met them, but they will be nice people I'm sure and if they aren't, it's only two nights!

MN has odd ideas about things sometimes. I just don't see it as a big deal. You aren't sleeping in their bed with them!

Mum2OneTeen · 10/10/2017 22:25

Hotel every time for me!

Some folk are extraverted and can thrive on constant human interaction. This is not me however. I can't stand staying in other people's houses, not even family. It is my idea of hell!

We started staying in paid accomodation when DD was small and we've never looked back. It's great to have a place to retreat to and wake up in. I find having to be 'on' socially all the time absolutely draining and need to have quiet and private 'down time' in order to function politely.

Plus, it's undoubtably more relaxing for the hosts also as they get some downtime too.

If I were you, I'd particularly want to be staying in a hotel for this first visit to your DP's friends. It is different for your DP because he knows his friends well and is probably totally relaxed with them. Tell his friends that you've already booked accomodation. Who knows, they may be secretly relieved also.

Maelstrop · 10/10/2017 22:31

Hotel all the way, relief for you and them. I hate staying at peoples' houses.