To not want to stay at dp's friends house

[Lostmum72]

We're going down to Essex to visit some of dps friends I have met his friend once at a function but never met his wife. We have ore booked a hotel but they've very kindly offered to put us up. I know some people wouldn't mind doing that but I don't feel comfortable when I don't know them. Dp would like to, and doesn't understand why I don't, he would be drinking all night prob were as I'm a bit of a light weight like that lol. I just feel more comfortable going out with them having a meal, a few drinks and then go back to a hotel were I can relax. Is that weird?

Spam, you're coming across as incredibly rude and patronising. You've made massive assumptions on the basis of a) single posts and b) that people have dared to disagree with what you've decided is the consensus. 'You're obviously very young'. 'You're obviously a man'. (Not sure when either of those became an insult, by the way.) The idea that anyone over a certain age is automatically embodied with additional wisdom is frankly ridiculous - and based on your comments, ironic.

OP - I recently stayed over with friends after a party and it was great. They're doing the same with me in a few weeks. What does this have to do with you? Absolutely nothing. YOU don't feel comfortable staying with people you don't know that well, so it doesn't matter whether the rest of MN agree or disagree. You're the one who's got to do it.

I can see why your partner might prefer to stay with his friends, but I'd like to think if I was genuinely uncomfortable doing something, my partner wouldn't push me.

I am 45. I have lost track of whether this makes me young and carefree or old and wise on this thread. I am an intermittent poster, not part of any clique.

MN is far from representative of the world at large. Apart from anything else, it is predominantly women, so the views are going to be skewed by that, let alone getting into the detailed demographics.

I would never stay in a hotel if I could stay with friends, even ones I don't know that well. I hate hotels, you lie there listening to people you have never even met flushing loos, watching TV, banging doors etc. Maybe I have stayed in too many for work to see any fun in the anonymity these days.

I have never had a friend choose to go and stay in a hotel rather than with us. I would actually be really hurt if a friend did this. We have space and an en suite off our spare bedroom, so there is privacy for those who want it.

I have never turned up on the spur of the moment, but I am pretty sure my friends would not mind if I did, because they are friends. I also don't mind if friends do this to me, they are people I like or they wouldn't be friends. I aim to make my home as open and welcoming as I possibly can.

I like staying with people. I like to see what they're like in the privacy of their own home, what their houses are like, what strange habits they have and so on. I don't think it's an age thing - I'm 62!

I've stayed with people I've never met a few times, and it's always been fine (well, from my point of view - they might have thought I was the guest from hell). I make sure I take everything I need, including a towel, in case they don't give you a clean one, and ask if they mind me helping myself to a cuppa first thing (I'm an early riser).

If ever it wasn't fine, I wouldn't go again. It's only one night, after all.

MN is far from representative of the world at large.

I reckon MN has more than its fair share of procrastinators, adult ADHD sufferers and people who don't much like speaking with other people face to face, whether that's because of anxiety or difficulties getting out of the house or plain old anti-socialness.

(*that's me!)

Two things about this thread.

1. There appear to be a lot of people uncomfortable with the idea, far more than I know in RL. Which makes me wonder if people don't like to say and just 'suffer' through being a houseguest, secretly hating it?

1. It's going to be hard for the OP and her DP to sort this out as the two 'sides' do not understand the other at all. And they are on opposite sides!

I think tbh, we're just all different regardless of age, sex etc. This thread seems to show this, I don't think it's wrong either way, just personal choice. It's great reading people's views though as long as it doesn't get nasty or personal.

I hate the way anti-social is always trotted out as an insult.
BE SOCIAL, people, it's the only RIGHT way to be, feels like their mantra.

What's so wrong with some people being more private or independent?

I love any chance to stay in a hotel OP so that’s what I would do.