To not want to stay at dp's friends house

[Lostmum72]

We're going down to Essex to visit some of dps friends I have met his friend once at a function but never met his wife. We have ore booked a hotel but they've very kindly offered to put us up. I know some people wouldn't mind doing that but I don't feel comfortable when I don't know them. Dp would like to, and doesn't understand why I don't, he would be drinking all night prob were as I'm a bit of a light weight like that lol. I just feel more comfortable going out with them having a meal, a few drinks and then go back to a hotel were I can relax. Is that weird?

I would imagine that DP and friend discussed you staying before friend even mentioned it to his OH, I bet his OH would prefer you to stay in a hotel, its a lot of work to have 2 adults staying overnight, especially if you don't have a spare room.

@Llanali

Yanbu if you don't want to, but all this talk about how most people hate staying and having guests is rubbish.

Well with most people I know - this would be a special kind of living hell. And according to the majority of posters here, most people on here feel the same.

So in MY opinion, the (very few) posters on here saying many people are OK with staying with strangers, are the ones talking rubbish!

As I said, I think most people who think 'sleepovers' are just fab, are very young - under 25. Most more mature people would rather eat the contents of their kitty litter than stay at the house of someone they don't really know.

OP. Your dp knows them well. You don't.

You are not at all weird. You are really normal. More normal than the folks who say that they would be ok with it.

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Can't imagine paying for a hotel when we could stay with friends for free. Among my friends and DH's friends it would just be normal to put each other up. Unless the house was a tight squeeze, having to sleep in the lounge or something.

God no! Dont stay with strangers, how awkward and tiring.

Stick to the hotel OP. Much nicer to have privacy and luxury and CHOICE.

I hate staying at other people’s houses as most dont know how to host properly. No fresh towels or bedding, either too hot or teo cold. Uncomfortable/small bed. Insufficuent lighting. Poor bathroom facilities. Rubbish breakfast. I once stayed at someone’s house (ex’s best friend & his wife) and after the night out, we went up to the bedroom to find - no bed. A blanket on the floor, no pillows and a duvet. No light, no bedside table. No towels, no hair dryer, no mirror.

Another friend; no bed just a sleeping bag, too hot, no mirror.

I once stayed with a friend who had no door on the bathroom. That was interesting. People are weird —or it could just be me or the people Ive known—

I’d be choosing hotel.
Only like staying with people I know really well.

I have a funny feeling that the people who are saying they’d love it are the same people who are always ‘popping in’ on others, unannounced.

Obviously entirely up to you, but I'd think you were weird if I were the friends.

It's free. Why pay out £££ for a hotel when you don't have to?
It means you can both drink - no driving back to the hotel
It means you aren't restricted timewise.... you can head off to bed even if your dp wants to stay up reminiscing 1/2 the night.
You / dp get to see friends in the morning as well.

Why would they have to drive back? Leave the car at hotel and get a cab back. Assuming of course either of them drive.

They can also see each other the next day. After the relaxing sleep, breakfast and shower at the hotel.

OK, so unnecessary expense of both hotel and taxis not making the hotel sound any more attractive to me.
Maybe OP (and other posters advocating staying in a hotel) are all on far bigger budgets than me.

I'm 37 and I am with davidpuddy it has never bothered me at all and I'm happy in my pjs having a cuppa/breakfast the next day, not like a sleepover at all. We are always putting people up here too.

I think I'd be upset if DH didn't want to stay with a friend of mine but he's pretty laid back too so has never minded.

It's still important to do what you feel comfortable with, it's irrelevant what any of us say or feel. I wouldn't be offended if friends chose to get a hotel as you haven't got DCs with you so you wanting to sleep in the next day wouldn't be surprising to most people.

MN has odd ideas about things sometimes. I just don't see it as a big deal. You aren't sleeping in their bed with them

Yebbut, when 90 percent of mumsnet agree that they would be uncomfortable, you have to acknowledge that it's very probably a pretty true view about how 'most' people would feel.
Unless they are a teenager, or single early twenties, and out on the razzle, I doubt that you would have anybody agree with you.

Not everybody goes to bed at 1am and sleeps through till 9am
without waking, especially if they are under the affluence of incahol.

Before children, I probs wouldn't have cared less.
After children, if I have a night off, I want to be master of all I survey.
I've said in a previous post, even when I visit my dd 200 miles away, I prefer to stay in a Travelodge nearby. DH sits in the bog for half an hour at a time, farting, because he has a cpap machine that fills him full of air. I don't sleep that well and need to get up and make cups of tea. I 'need' my own space. I 'need' to know I'm not bothering anybody. I 'need' to be absolutely confident that I can come and go to the bog as and when I please. I need to be confident that I can do what I want without waking up the entire house. I value my privacy. I value my own space.

If it's a load of youngsters having a razzle, fair enough. If a comfortable bed to sleep off the excesses of the night is all you might need or expect. Fair enough.

But in OP's case, I would insist on a hotel. Absolutely insist.

But at my acva

You'll get to know them better if you stay with them. Can you really not cope with it?

I think we just found the new MN equivalent of whether you ask guests to take their shoes on or off! Something that divides us and that the two sides will never understand the others opinions

Problem for the OP is her and her partner are on opposite sides. Irrespective of what we all think, her DP wants to stay. Maybe it's the norm in his social circle, maybe he wants to be able to stay up half the night chattering, maybe he doesn't want/can't afford the expense of a hotel, maybe the hotel we're talking about is a crappy b&b and friends live in a beautiful mansion
Who knows....

Op only you can make the judgement call and how important this is to you DP versus your concerns about privacy. But if it's very important to him I'd plan for an invite back to their house after dinner and a long session of reminiscing til the early morning before you get to any hotel....

Yebbut, when 90 percent of mumsnet agree that they would be uncomfortable, you have to acknowledge that it's very probably a pretty true view about how 'most' people would feel.

at the very idea that MN is a true representation of the whole population.

I only like to stay with people I consider family. So actual family and very old friends. And by like, I really mean tolerate. I hate staying with people.

Hotel unless I know people really well .. well enough to be without make up , hair up and pj's on. Just say it's a treat night without kids in a nice peaceful hotel . I imagine anyone with kids would get that.

at the very idea that MN is a true representation of the whole population.

Agreed.

Everyone is different but I certainly wouldn't be shelling out on a hotel when friends gave offered to put us up for the night. I presume these are close friends of your dp so I can see why he may be upset and think it odd.

*have not gave

BackforGood 

Sorry backforgood MN stole my

Yebbut, when 90 percent of mumsnet agree that they would be uncomfortable, you have to acknowledge that it's very probably a pretty true view about how 'most' people would feel

then says backforgood.

at the very idea that MN is a true representation of the whole
population

I never said that, BackforGood !! I never claimed that mumsnet is a true representation of the whole population. I said that it appeared that 90 percent of mumsnet that responded would feel uncomfortable.

i.e 90 percent of people who respond on mumsnet have a particular view. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that it's likely a point of view that a lot of people might share.

And btw, I might not be allowed to say this on MN, but it seems obvous to me that you are male.

So shoot me.

Oh dear. I seem to have fucked up.

BackforGood is a cherished and familiar poster. An argumentative newbie is not welcome.

So mumsnet is actually 'not' representative of the views of the whole population. Just those who carry a bit of clout round here and can shoot the views of others down?

I can tell he's a man though. It comes through loud and clear.

Ignore the little petty cliques and their silly grinning smilies @SpamBurrito, I do.

Many people agree with you on this thread. That is why the little petty naysayers are trying to bring you down, because they are not winning.

@SpamBurrito

Yebbut, when 90 percent of mumsnet agree that they would be uncomfortable, you have to acknowledge that it's very probably a pretty true view about how 'most' people would feel. Unless they are a teenager, or single early twenties, and out on the razzle, I doubt that you would have anybody agree with you.

Not everybody goes to bed at 1am and sleeps through till 9am without waking, especially if they are under the affluence of alcahol.

I've said in a previous post, even when I visit my dd 200 miles away, I prefer to stay in a Travelodge nearby. DH sits in the bog for half an hour at a time, farting, because he has a cpap machine that fills him full of air. I don't sleep that well and need to get up and make cups of tea. I 'need' my own space. I 'need' to know I'm not bothering anybody. I 'need' to be absolutely confident that I can come and go to the bog as and when I please. I need to be confident that I can do what I want without waking up the entire house. I value my privacy. I value my own space.

If it's a load of youngsters having a razzle, fair enough. If a comfortable bed to sleep off the excesses of the night is all you might need or expect. Fair enough.

But in OP's case, I would insist on a hotel. Absolutely insist.

All of this ^

And yes I think mumsnet IS very representative of what people think in general. Many people DON'T like people visiting often, they DON'T like people staying at their home, they DON'T like staying at other people houses, they DON'T like people popping in uninvited, they DON'T like answering the door when someone knocks and they are not expecting anyone, they DON'T like having to make conversations on trains and buses with people they don't know (and prefer to read their book or just close their eyes,) and they DON'T like taking in packages for neighbours on a regular basis - because it's a fucking ball-ache to have to sit around waiting for them to come get it, (or to have to take it to them at tea time,) and be forced to make idle chatter with someone you hardly know.

And they DON'T have to explain themselves.

As SPAM said, I think it's the young (mostly,) who are happy with having sleepovers with people, and having people stay at theirs. And as someone else said, I bet these people who LOVE staying over, are the ones who pop in unannounced and expect people to drop everything they're doing in their life to accommodate them. Don't know why I think this, it's just a feeling.......

As for the money the hotel will cost, I reckon most people can stump up £30 to £40 for a Travelodge! Especially given the fact that many people on here seem to be high-flying professionals on £60K a year, who seem to be able to afford cleaners, and gardeners, and so on!