Back story, me and FIL don't get along. We are civil and nice to each other and invite him to things etc but some of the things he's said are ones that will never ever be forgiven.
My family took him under their wing (MIL died 15 years ago) until eventually, last xmas the horrible things he said/did to me continued onto my family and they were fed up and said they no longer wanted him around as he was upsetting them all and no one could relax at family events for fear of who he was offending next.
The last straws were when he told my brothers wife she didn't know what she was talking about and to let him explain it in 'simple terms' and then proceeded to tell my grandmother after she'd spent all day cooking for him that his wife was a better cook than her and then told my sister to be quiet as the 'men were talking'
He gets angry about the fact he's not been invited in a few months, when he sees my mum says things like 'so you don't invite me anymore then', tells me that my family just don't understand him because he forgets we're a different 'breed' (he's very intelligent, as are my family but he doesn't seem to think so and thinks we're all idiots) he's never invited anyone to his house and constantly complains about my family!
Anyway, xmas has come up. For the last 6/7 years we've had him to my nans for the big family xmas but this year they've said they really don't want him there and tbh neither do I.
So my options are:
1- invite him anyway to keep the peace and deal with the fact that everyone will be miserable (this is what DH wants to do)
2- get one of his friends to invite him to theirs instead (we've asked BIL to invite him this year, he said no way and told FIL he was working - unlikely his friends will have him)
3- stay home and have xmas with just me, dp, ds and FIL and probably spend all day away from the family because I cannot be around him for that long but atleast the rest of my family don't have to suffer.
4- (my plan) he's invited for xmas eve dinner, tell him we will celebrate then with him and what he wants to do the next day is up to him and leave it as that.
I don't want to offend him, I know xmas is hard when your alone but he is really horrible. He's amazing with the kids and they love him and he has a great relationship with them but I just can't do it and it's ruining Christmas for me.
So AIBU to not invite him at xmas even though he's likely to be at home alone?