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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You've been pigged?

251 replies

RainbowsAndCrystals · 09/10/2017 21:18

Aibu to think you wouldn't share this story with the papers?

Read it on The Mail so I won't link but basically British girl meets Dutch guy in Barcelona. He spends the next 3/4 months calling her and asking her to come over to Amsterdam.

She does and then he never shows up at the airport and texts her to say "you've been pigged"

Basically means pulling an ugly girl to then dump her.

He denies it but even if he did do aibu to think you would never tell this story to the world?

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 09/10/2017 22:16

There’s no evidence that it didn’t happen either.

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 22:17

Sorry to read of your experiences at school Delete Flowers

Ttbb · 09/10/2017 22:19

Some people have no shame

Original poster
RainbowsAndCrystals · 09/10/2017 22:22

Oh don't turn this into a women are never believed crap.

I believe anyone can be this cruel. I also believe someone could make this up for money.

Depending on the situation and especially as I don't know either of them I have no reason to believe one over the other.

She should have loads of evidence, texts, photos etc

Also if they met during the terrorist attacks that was mid August, so how can he have been in constant contact for 3/4 months?

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 09/10/2017 22:24

Delete, similar here. Although I always said no to being asked out..initially because I wasn't interested, and then because I was too worried it was a joke. Pretty much every bloke I encountered from 15-21 feigned interest. Then said it was for a bet, or a joke. And they wouldn't date someone like me. As if they would be interested in me, etc

That properly fucks with your self esteem I can tell you.

Anyone who doesn't believe this story has clearly never had anything like this happen to them. As someone who has, it sounds all too believable. Unfortunately.

DeleteOrDecay · 09/10/2017 22:26

Thanks NoLove. It doesn’t bother me now. For some reason asking out the ‘ugly girls’ for a joke was quite common in my school. I just hope the boys that took part in that behaviour are ashamed of themselves and treat women with more respect now, especially if they have daughters themselves (and some of them do).

TatianaLarina · 09/10/2017 22:28

It is absolutely true that women are routinely disbelieved. And it is deeply misogynist.

However that doesn’t mean all women tell the truth and without more evidence it’s a very odd story.

They had a 4 day holiday romance and the only pic she has given the paper is one where they don’t look like they know each other. Surely she’d have selfies of them together?

pisacake · 09/10/2017 22:30

He appears to have a lawyer.

twitter.com/Moszkowicz

No statement from the lawyer apparently (yet).

TatianaLarina · 09/10/2017 22:31

We didn’t have the ask an ugly girl out thing at my school (I bet the boys were minging) but I turned down almost every boy as a teen for fear of ridicule from the boys - which was their default setting.

Fishcalledlola · 09/10/2017 22:32

Read the story this morning and believed it. She is a very brave woman selling her story, I'd hate for anyone to treat my daughter like that and am glad I know these things happen.
I'm sure the guys side of the story will be published, until then, what a wanker Angry.

BriechonCheese · 09/10/2017 22:32

Vile.

gingergenius · 09/10/2017 22:32

This happened to me in my early teens, on a much more local scale. It’s horrible. It happens and the ones who do it (in my case my supposed bear friends who encourage a lad they knew I liked to do exactly this) rely on the humiliation and shame to keep their victims quiet.

It’s really very very debilitating emotionally and it has been responsible for a lot of my MH and self esteem problems. Maybe airing this in public has been her way of freeing herself from the humiliation.

It may also be a cynical way to make a few quid. But if it’s the former, I’m not going to tell her how to get over such disgusting behaviour because I wouldn’t do it, and if it’s the latter, it’s irrelevant.

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 22:33

I'm glad it doesn't bother you know Delete and also hope those boys are ashamed of themselves for their behaviour then and have learnt how abhorrent and misogynistic it was.

Sorry to read of your experiences as well Velvet.

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/10/2017 22:37

I have known both women and men that have had similar to this happen.

But I am not prepared to string someone up without at least a modicum of evidence.

trytobebestdad · 09/10/2017 22:45

name and shame
find his friends and family and tell them what he's done too

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 09/10/2017 22:57

He's not in this country. It's her face plastered all over the articles and our local paper has even named her workplace. Saying name and shame, he deserves it, is fine but I bet it's going to follow her around a lot more and for a lot longer than it bothers him.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/10/2017 22:58

His side. What side does he have. He thought he was smart trying to destroy a beautiful young girl's confidence for kicks. He thought the world would be laughing with him, but They're laughing at him, and Her father is rightly angry. Its an animal instinct. Anyone hurts your child, no matter how big or how small the claws come out. Its called being a parent.
That all said however. I don't agree with his mum and sister being threatened. Its in no way their fault

pisacake · 09/10/2017 23:07

"he's not in this country. It's her face plastered all over the articles and our local paper has even named her workplace. Saying name and shame, he deserves it, is fine but I bet it's going to follow her around a lot more and for a lot longer than it bothers him."

There are people shaming him on Twitter and calling for physical violence against him, posting photos of his sister and what not. It's big news in Holland.

redsquirrel2 · 09/10/2017 23:09

Look at his Facebook page. He did it. Stop victim-blaming.

TatianaLarina · 09/10/2017 23:10

Would you actually bother to invite a girl to your country just to pig shame her at the airport? Or if you invited her and then got cold feet wouldn’t you just not show up?

Men/boys who want to humiliate women, and there are plenty of them around, generally pick on women in front of them, so they can see their reaction or laugh about it with their mates. Why would you bother with a girl from another country? It’s a lot effort for not much.

I think it’s more likely that she thought the holiday fling was more than it was, saved up to go and see him and he didn’t bother to show up.And the Sun added the pig bit to sell papers.

pisacake · 09/10/2017 23:12

"Look at his Facebook page. "

? His Facebook page has been deleted.

bubbleyagain · 09/10/2017 23:18

Look at his Facebook page. He did it. Stop victim-blaming.

^only Facebook I saw is a very fake one of someone posting pig jokes.

Original poster
RainbowsAndCrystals · 09/10/2017 23:28

Victim blaming? Give me strength. It's ok to listen to both sides you know.

It would only be victim blaming if it really happened. At this point I'm not so sure.

Are people really getting sucked into fake Facebook accounts?

Even if it turns out to be one big lie, all the people on here calling him a shit and condoning violence against him will still think this is ok.

OP posts:
Nettletheelf · 09/10/2017 23:29

I don't think she made it up. What has she to gain from doing so?

I don't know why she went to the papers, though. Is it brave? It's not going to stop other people falling for the same thing, and nor will it prevent tossers inflicting the same prank in the future.

I think she was naive though. She's not to blame for this happening, but what was she thinking, going to visit this guy she hardly knew, at her own expense? Her bullshit radar should have activated, but she is only 24.

Can we stop casting her as 'beautiful' though? She's a normal, pleasant looking girl who has gone a bit mad with the lipstick and eyebrow pencil, probably through lack of confidence. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that very made up look being presented as 'beautiful', plus I don't think that the behaviour of the Dutch boy should be judged according to where, in the opinion of the public, she scores on the ugly/beautiful scale, as if it would be less abhorrent if she really were 'ugly'.

He's an arse irrespective of how 'ugly' or 'beautiful' she is.