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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You've been pigged?

251 replies

RainbowsAndCrystals · 09/10/2017 21:18

Aibu to think you wouldn't share this story with the papers?

Read it on The Mail so I won't link but basically British girl meets Dutch guy in Barcelona. He spends the next 3/4 months calling her and asking her to come over to Amsterdam.

She does and then he never shows up at the airport and texts her to say "you've been pigged"

Basically means pulling an ugly girl to then dump her.

He denies it but even if he did do aibu to think you would never tell this story to the world?

OP posts:
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 11/10/2017 15:52

There's no evidence to support lying so far from Sophie. The money she paid is for flights and hotel and perhaps change in flight times for the return journey; it's misquoted as being for the flight alone. The papers have misrepresented/been unclear on this information

Jesse has been caught out on three lies so far (where and when they met, minimising how much time they spent together and that they had sex and that phone messages were exchanged) and had close ties in the past to a group of young men that are sexist pigs that disrespect women.

The flight details, hotel bookings etc should be proof she turned up at the airport and hotel. I think it's unlikely it was someone else pulling the prank and he had no idea she was arriving. How would someone get access to his phone, how would she not guess it was someone else contacting her? Who blocked her on his phone?

diddl · 11/10/2017 16:11

Her flying to Amsterdam doesn't prove that he invited her and I do still think that it's possible that she read more into the situation than was there on his part.

However-he has lied.

Pig sex anyone??!!

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 11/10/2017 16:13

Oink.

MadMags · 11/10/2017 16:51

He has lied, and by all accounts is a misogynistic prick.

And she certainly did nothing wrong or "dopey" by having sex with another consenting adult!

But...WHY haven't either of them made the text messages public?? To lend any sort of credence to either version. That's bizarre to me.

If you're going to splash your humiliation all over the media, surely you would have no qualms in sharing the messages?

DeleteOrDecay · 11/10/2017 16:57

I heard the messages were on snapchat which from what I understand they get deleted after a short amount of time? Could be wrong though.

Mxyzptlk · 11/10/2017 17:04

Maybe they're letting him dig himself in deeper with lies to his parents and lawyer, before they produce the evidence (in court?).

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 11/10/2017 17:13

I've just watched the This Morning interview:
www.itv.com/thismorning/hot-topics/is-this-the-most-shameless-date-in-europe

It states she has proof of flying to Amsterdam and screen grabs but isn't showing them because it has his number on (though I don't know why that can't be blurred out!) This Morning said they phoned the number though and he told them to 'speak to my lawyer'. She must have phone records of the calls. I believe her - go on her for calling him out!

MadMags · 11/10/2017 17:32

Hmm...

It seems strange that she wouldn't even keep the ones where he admitted it, no?

Also, I could be wrong but I think conversations stay on Snapchat it's just the videos and pics on your story that disappear.

As for it having his number on, it's so easy to blur or edit a number!

LewisThere · 11/10/2017 18:04

I think that true or not, it's an important story to get out.
Because even if her case isn't true, there has been plenty of women who had to live through that sort of things.

It has to come out and shaming men who do that is OK IMO. That's patriarchy at its best, putting down women for their looks and then saying that they are the victim, she should never have gone to see him when she doesn't know him at all....

Srush86 · 11/10/2017 18:05

If it were me I’d be embarrassed. But then again us women should stick together and let men know we won’t be taken for fools. Apparently this is a thing going on everywhere, never heard of it before now but this story will have warned other women and make them realise it’s just men acting like immature school kids and you are probably (definitely) better off without them. So really shaming that person will warn others and show his true colours

diddl · 11/10/2017 18:23

I think that this sort of thing has gone on for years hasn't it-not to the extent of getting people to fly to another country & leaving them to fend for themselves, but certainly getting people to go on a date & not turning up, but sending friends to witness it?

Coconutspongexo · 11/10/2017 18:26

Conversations don't stay on snapchat unless you save them but the other person knows you've saved them

CranjisMcBasketball · 11/10/2017 18:58

When I was 18 (and size 16) i got chatting to a really lovely and handsome guy in a pub. I was so happy that this gorgeous bloke was interested in me. He asked for my number and i was happy to give it to him. He said he was going but would text me to meet up. About 2 minutes later he messaged me and asked me to meet him in the beer garden. Excited I went out the door to the beer garden. He was sat at a table and said he couldn't leave without another snog (horrid word). When I kissed him a car near by started honking it's horn and the people inside whooping out of the window. He stood up, took a bow and announced "That is how you pull a pig!" He walked off without a backwards glance and got in the car. As they were leaving they all shouted insults at me about my size.
I find it excruciating to tell that story but my kids know it because I believe it'll make them think before being so cruel and I recently told my brother about it after he told me a story about a pal of his being a cunt to a fat woman and my brother just sat there and did nothing.

DeleteOrDecay · 11/10/2017 19:01

Oh my gosh Basketball that is horrendous and so cruel of that man. I think you’ve done the right thing telling your dc about it, might make them think twice if the thought of ever doing something similar crosses their mind. How awfulSad

Srush86 · 11/10/2017 19:07

Basketball that is terrible. I hope you never have to come across this cruel behaviour ever again. People are sooo horrible. I don’t know what wrong with the world

CranjisMcBasketball · 11/10/2017 19:47

Thanks delete and srush. I got the chance to confront him a while back. He's a parent now and his ds goes to my kids school. He flatly denied it but went bright red and made his excuses to leave. Was absolutely pathetic but great for me. Plus he's now rather rotund with a receding hairline. I'm not insulting him for that but it's proof looks don't last forever.

DeleteOrDecay · 11/10/2017 19:53

Good for you. I hope that despite him denying it, you calling him out made him think about how he treated you (and any other woman he may have done similar to) and at the very least I hope he felt ashamed of himself.

Mxyzptlk · 11/10/2017 19:53

Glad you had another chat with him Cranjis. Grin

So now he doesn't have looks or personality. Shame.

MadMags · 11/10/2017 20:04

Jesus, that's horrendous Basketball. The absolute fucker.

YerDaSellsAvon · 11/10/2017 20:08

I believe her. I've had similar experience too.

PoorYorick · 11/10/2017 20:08

Basketball, you are class personified and he was, and is, shit on a stick. I hope all his teeth fall out except for one to give him toothache.

YerDaSellsAvon · 11/10/2017 20:10

Cranjit please tell us what happened the time you confronted him. If you don't mind of course.

CranjisMcBasketball · 11/10/2017 20:53

I don't mind. A few years ago there was a Halloween party for kids at our local church hall. It was for kids but alcohol was served for the parents. I didn't know it at the time but his wife was in my year at school and she was there. It was busy and we had space so recognising me she came over and asked if her and ds could sit down. She was lovely and we chatted about everything. It didn't register that her Andy was the guy who was a prick to me (common name etc). I had a bit to drink so said I'd get dh to pick us up and offered her a lift. She said hers was already on the way and did I want a lift? So said yes and gathered dd to wait outside. We were stood smoking so he parked up and got out to join us. The look on his face said it all. Even his dw noticed and asked him what the matter was. The words were already out of my mouth before i even knew it. "Oh he's just remembered the pull a pig lesson he forced me to be part of when we met in blah blah that one time! He told his mates that's how you pull a pig and then gave a bow. Even better were the shouts of You sad fat bitch/cunt/slag as they drove off!" He just stood there mute. His wife had no idea what to say except it was probably best I get my own lift home. Hmm No conversation out of her since.

FirstTimeMum07 · 11/10/2017 21:01

Wasn't their photo evidence of the text messages between them? She should name and shame definitely, people need to know what a vile scumbag he is and I hope his parents see that

Wiggles9408 · 11/10/2017 22:17

It's such a common thing nowadays! If it's true it's a nasty game to play not only emotionally stringing someone but to also have them travel so far to then knock them down and shatter there confidence. As a mum to a baby girl it would absolutely break my heart if anyone ever did something so heartless to her so I'd say good on her for speaking out about it. I don't think she's lying about it, what's she gaining really from telling the world she was duped and made to feel horrible about herself by someone she thought cared about her?