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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to defend my son against complaints from neighbours

200 replies

Debdiamond · 09/10/2017 20:42

My son and his friends often mend their cars and motorbikes outside our house. Most of these vehicles are a bit noisy but all are legal. After neighbours complained about the noise late at night, I have asked him to stop at 9pm and he has. However, he does still come and go a couple of times during the evening and usually comes home at 11.30pm. He then leaves the house for work 4 days a week at 5.45am.

This evening, one of the neighbours came around in a drunken rage, shouting, swearing and bawling at them about the noise 'at this time of night'. It was 6.30pm.

I'm the first to moan at him if he's being a pain but as I pointed out to her, it was hardly late. A friend of hers then joined the argument and accused me of 'sticking up for my son', which I was, as I don't think he's doing anything wrong! They then said that most of the immediate neighbours are complaining although only one other person has said anything to me, and that was about a noisy motorbike, which my son had sold a couple of weeks before. Turns out he was being blamed for another noisy motorbike in the area (nothing to do with him).

I pointed out to them that lots of people around here annoy me, kids screaming and crying, gangs of young children playing in the street, dogs barking, people mowing their lawn at 8am on Sunday mornings, (not to mention neighbours who spend half their lives getting drunk) but I don't go kicking off about it. It's an estate where lots of people live so there will be noise so I just accept it. And if the noise was going to bother anyone, surely being right outside mine and my daughters bedrooms, it would get on our nerves before theirs.

As far as I'm concerned they are group of teenage boys doing what teenagers do. They are not particularly rowdy, they don't do drugs or terrorise old ladies and they don't go around stealing anything. They could be a lot worse.

Any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 10/10/2017 00:41

"They likely drove that poor neighbour to drink."

I was going to say the same! It's incredibly stressful to have noisy neighbours. It must be sheer bloody hell to be one of the OP's neighbours. The poor sods.

MrsFezziwig · 10/10/2017 00:55

OP: AIBU?
All of Mumsnet: YES
OP: No I'm not

MistressDeeCee · 10/10/2017 01:10

My son and his friends often mend their cars and motorbikes outside our house

What wrong with all these vehicles that they need repairing so regularly? They're teenaged boys messing with cars and bikes - I don't believe for a moment they do that quietly

You have a point re neighbours shouldn't be moaning as 6.30pm not late. However if you've already had to put up with hours of the noise of cars and bikes revving up to that time then you are surely going to be annoyed.

I have asked him to stop at 9pm and he has

This says it all really. You had to ask him to stop at that time, he didn't stop of his own accord. How long had be been working on car/bike, that day?

If you want to keep the peace you will have to get another couple of his friends to take turns so they can also hang out elsewhere tinkering with bikes and cars

No your neighbour shouldn't have shouted at you in a drunken rage. But Id have had words with you in a stone cold sober mode - cars and bikes revving disturbing peace near my home I wouldn't find acceptable and Im not the type not to say anything about it either. So Im not surprised some of your neighbours have addressed you Id be kicking off mightily.

I can tolerate noise, I roll my eyes at people who expect all to be silent around them when they have neighbours and aren't living in a detached in a field somewhere, which they should if they feel entitled to hear no noise whatsoever. But excessive noise is taking the p

Let them rotate round to each other's houses with all the noise and mess and stop pretending you don't know they're being a pain in the arse

PurpleTango · 10/10/2017 01:29

If your neighbours are complaining to you then they have had a titfull of the noise your ds and his friends are making. Time to call a halt now OP - and tell your ds to get a decent car that doesn't need fixing - at all hours of the day, every day

emmyrose2000 · 10/10/2017 02:11

You are the stereotype of the vile neighbour from hell.

Your son is rude, arrogant and entitled, and with each of your posts, it shows exactly where he got that attitude from.

troodiedoo · 10/10/2017 02:16

Flowers for OP's poor neighbours.

Pivoine · 10/10/2017 03:19

Your house isn't a garage and neither is the road outside it a garage.

It's written into our social housing tenancy agreements that people should not fix cars outside their houses. How can you not see how this might annoy other people? It's noisy and antisocial

Pivoine · 10/10/2017 03:21

Imagine trying to sit down at any time of the day in your supposedly residential area to be met with 'tinkering' noises and revving. Ffs. Get a grip.

abigailgabble · 10/10/2017 04:23

why are you even asking if you are so sure you are in the right? Hmm

fwiw this sounds totally anti social and you should be telling them to pack it in and go elsewhere ASAP. getting up to go to work is not the same as having an informal biker gathering on your front lawn every night.

WednesdayAddamsthefirst · 10/10/2017 04:24

'Little Johnny is an adult and I think he should be allowed to play like the big man he thinks he is making loud offensive irritating noise with his junk cars and bikes and friends. I've told him this is ok and he keeps on being an entitled twat like I taught him to be.' AIBU? Yes. You. Are. 'Tinkering' noise isn't average household noise and you know it. You're making a fool of yourself if you go around defending this to your neighbours - grow up and tell your son to shut up and take the noise elsewhere.

Your drunk neighbour is immaterial. It doesn't detract from the fact that the noise and groups of guys hanging around making a nuisance of themselves is painful.

Bluelonerose · 10/10/2017 05:17

If your son is adult enough to drive why isn't he apologising to the neighbours?
He should be saying sorry. Maybe then your neighbours would realise that you are being proactive about their concerns.

I agree that lads that age COULD be making a worse racket but the chav mobiles are just horrid things.
I don't see the obsession with Them!

MaisyPops · 10/10/2017 06:38

OP: AIBU?
All of Mumsnet: YES
OP: No I'm not
Grin

Also repeatedly mentioning the neighbour drinking is ridiculous. Whether they di or dont has nothing to do with OP's son being antisocial.

Same for 'oh so i guess he shouldn't get hp early ti go to work then. Maybe he should go on thr dole.' comments when he doesn't need to give up his job. He just needs to drive a car with a normal exhaust!

GnomeDePlume · 10/10/2017 06:42

OP YANBU to defend your son (of course you would!)

You have a problem of perception and acoustics.

To you your son and his friends are a group of friends doing what a group of friends do.

Unfortunately to your neighbours (and seemingly MN) they are a gang of feral youth, responsible for all problems in the neighbourhood. By the sounds of it they were a bit noisy and you/they have taken steps to curb this. Problem is that your neighbours are now highly attuned to them so even sneezing out of turn will be jumped on as example of their unreasonable behaviour.

The problem of acoustics is that bass notes penetrate even if not loud, more so than equally noisy high pitched screaming from children. Plus nobody ever notices the noise their own children make as much as they notice other people's.

There isnt a lot you can do except keep making sure that your son is reasonable about noise and respects the fact that the neighbours are now hypersensitive.

EvelynWardrobe · 10/10/2017 06:50

Why do some cars and bikes have those extra loud exhausts? Perhaps that’s the first thing he should tinker with and put a normal one back on?

MaisyPops · 10/10/2017 06:50

GnomeDePlume
So it's the neighbours who are hypersensitive even though the OP has an essentiaĺly an adult son and he had to be told:

  1. Tinkering with cars near midnight is probably best stopped... and really 9pm is also too late.
  2. That maybe playing music out the front of a house so it can be heard over engines and tinkering is also quite antisocial.
Hmm

They use the garden AND parking in front of houses.
There are not being viewed on here as feral youth. They are young men who are old enough to drive so 17 at least, most likely 18+. They are being viewed as young adults who behave antisocially with mummy running to their defence

The OP then ridiculously compares them to her neighbours saying they are too noisy when they mow the lawn or close their car doors 'TWICE' on a morning.

TheClaws · 10/10/2017 06:51

OP, repeatedly saying “But what about the drunken NDN?” etc. It isn’t anything to do with those issues.

Be a decent neighbour. Have your son cut back on the noise. It really is a pain in the arse at any hour. At least be reasonable about it.

LillianGish · 10/10/2017 07:03

YABU - and if you didn’t know it before, you must know it now. Noone on this thread would want you living next to them. Your drinking neighbour is the only one who dares to complain - fortified by a drink. Everyone else is probably too intimidated judging by your replies here.

slothqueen · 10/10/2017 07:04

My neighbours do this and it drives me round the bend.
The noise. The fact there's a constant stream of men pulling up opposite my house.
We are very nice and polite but the whole street hates it. Not just our street, those
On the run up. We've got young children around and there are boy racers whizzing up the road.
Twice someone has tried to steal our car and we think it's someone that's seen it whilst dropping parts off. They leave litter.
I could go on but you've clearly decided the whole of mumsnet is wrong and your son has done nothing wrong Hmm.

MayCatt · 10/10/2017 07:13

When your DS has an obnoxious loud exhaust on purpose then yes OP, he will annoy people when he unnecessarily wakes them because of it at 5:45am.

I can't get my head around how on earth you don't see your DS behaviour for what it is. Highly antisocial for your poor neighbours. Stop being so defensive on here, put your energy into repairing the neighbour relations your DS and your own parental blinkers have damaged for you.

FritzDonovan · 10/10/2017 07:16

How loud are things like changing a wheel though which is what the op has said is happening.
Was it just changing a wheel though, or did it involve revving up and a little run down the road to make sure it was balanced and running smoothly? Similarly with fixing the stereo - I'm assuming he turned it on/up to check it was working, etc.

marble11 · 10/10/2017 07:18

I'd tread carefully. I know of a person who was issued with a section 59 (Police and Reform Act 2002) they had their vehicle seized after they were warned about causing alarm and distress to residents with their twattish exhaust.

DinnaeKnowShitFromClay · 10/10/2017 07:23

OP, Noise is weird in how annoying it is. I live by a busy road and it doesn't bother me at all. I used to live in a silent close but the neighbours windchimes and water features used to drive me insane. The tinkering with cars and kids kicking a football inanely against a garage door for hours made me move to where I am now. It's really difficult to explain how and why some noises drive people crazy and some don't. A family down the road sells plums from a shack by the side of the road in plum season. The cars slowing down, stopping and the dog barking at every single customer makes me crazy with frustration after a couple of hours. The 38 tonne lorries driving by doesn't register any more though. It's hard to explain the issue with noise.

MaisyPops · 10/10/2017 07:24

But fellow MNetters, clearly we miss the point.

Having a loud exhaust, tinkering with cars on the front, needing to be told twice about appropriate hours, playing music etc isn't anti social.

What is anti social in this thread are those unreasonable neighbours who spoke to the precious little boy, people who mow their lawns on a weekend and the neighbour who shuts their car door twice on a morning when they go to work. Grin

Ifailed · 10/10/2017 07:26

why do your son's friends all come round to your place do do their 'tinkering' - could it be that they are not allowed to do it at their own homes because it's noisy and unsociable?

guilty100 · 10/10/2017 07:29

I used to have a wanker of a neighbour who would literally sit and rev his motorbike for an HOUR. It was horrendous to live with, and thrashed the engine for no reason that I can possibly think of, other than this guy clearly had some deep-seated inadequacy about the size of his cock.

You say your sons are not doing the same thing, but clearly they are making enough noise that several neighbours are getting annoyed. I think you need to take that on board.