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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to defend my son against complaints from neighbours

200 replies

Debdiamond · 09/10/2017 20:42

My son and his friends often mend their cars and motorbikes outside our house. Most of these vehicles are a bit noisy but all are legal. After neighbours complained about the noise late at night, I have asked him to stop at 9pm and he has. However, he does still come and go a couple of times during the evening and usually comes home at 11.30pm. He then leaves the house for work 4 days a week at 5.45am.

This evening, one of the neighbours came around in a drunken rage, shouting, swearing and bawling at them about the noise 'at this time of night'. It was 6.30pm.

I'm the first to moan at him if he's being a pain but as I pointed out to her, it was hardly late. A friend of hers then joined the argument and accused me of 'sticking up for my son', which I was, as I don't think he's doing anything wrong! They then said that most of the immediate neighbours are complaining although only one other person has said anything to me, and that was about a noisy motorbike, which my son had sold a couple of weeks before. Turns out he was being blamed for another noisy motorbike in the area (nothing to do with him).

I pointed out to them that lots of people around here annoy me, kids screaming and crying, gangs of young children playing in the street, dogs barking, people mowing their lawn at 8am on Sunday mornings, (not to mention neighbours who spend half their lives getting drunk) but I don't go kicking off about it. It's an estate where lots of people live so there will be noise so I just accept it. And if the noise was going to bother anyone, surely being right outside mine and my daughters bedrooms, it would get on our nerves before theirs.

As far as I'm concerned they are group of teenage boys doing what teenagers do. They are not particularly rowdy, they don't do drugs or terrorise old ladies and they don't go around stealing anything. They could be a lot worse.

Any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
wrenika · 09/10/2017 21:44

Noisy cars with noisy exhausts are a pain in the butt...so I can see the neighbour's POV. There's someone who either lives near us or likes to drive around our road every night who has a raspy, loud exhaust and it drives me to distraction when he revs it up.

But, having said that...my dad restores pre-war vintage cars and those make a hell of a noise so if I were to complain about lads tinkering with their cars then I'd be lumping my 60+ yr old dad in with that!

I'd leave them to it OP, assuming they're not actually being excessively noisy!

Expemsiveuniform · 09/10/2017 21:45

He’s being an anti social pain in the ass.

Mumof56 · 09/10/2017 21:45

Nothing to devalue an area quicker than some clapped out vehicles in front lawns and in communal parking spots.

TheFairyCaravan · 09/10/2017 21:45

Fucking hell. I'd hate to live next door to you.

DH will fix our cars, or the kids's cars when they're home, but no one would know he's out there. There's no excessive revving or loud music and he wouldn't be out there after 7:30 left alone 11.30 ffs.

He leaves for work at 6:20. When he reverses off the drive he leaves his headlights off otherwise they'd shine right in next doors bedroom window. He turns them on just as he goes round the corner because he's considerate and not an arse.

Glumglowworm · 09/10/2017 21:46

There's a big difference between normal neighbour noise (crying babies, NORMAL car noise, lawn mowers etc) and constant loud cars being revved and tinkered with, groups of young men hanging around outside talking (loudly?), playing loud crap music and revving their boy racer engines.

But OP is determined not to see that. Why ask AIBU if you are just going to argue ever more ridiculously?

Katie2017 · 09/10/2017 21:46

a pack of random young men wandering around all the time with barely legal cars etc littering up the lawn.

This. My brother was allowed to do the same thing (no close neighbours so noise wasn't a problem, except for me!) however, we had police up THREE times-one was my brothers fault as we found out he was handling stolen goods (scumbag doing it on my parents property!), the other time it was someone we let use our property-no idea if he was doing anything wrong or not, but guess who got their house raided for three hours? My elderly parents that's who. You are really making a bad decision letting him do all this stuff, and having random people up. He doesn't have to have done anything wrong for the police to come up-they just have to have their suspicions, maybe a call from a neighbour about what they believe the boys are getting up to (whether true or not) could land you in all sorts of bother and hassle from the police.

Men seem to be incredibly noisy when working on cars etc. blaring their music away, and they all seem to shout?! I think they are completely oblivious to what noise they make, or perhaps they don't care. Got to side with your neighbours here I'm afraid.

JonSnowsWife · 09/10/2017 21:47

and as I said I live here but it doesn't annoy me

But your neighbours going to work at 6:30am does? Confused

stolemyusername · 09/10/2017 21:48

So because your neighbour likes a drink she’s not entitled to an opinion on your sons antisocial behaviour?

I would be really miserable living next door to you, you sound horrible.

KissesAX · 09/10/2017 21:48

Noise curfew in uk is 11pm tell her that

muttmad · 09/10/2017 21:49

I’d also like to point out the police were called in the end to the boys doing just this across the road, as if it’s not actually in your private driveway it’s an offence to continually mend cars on a public highway, the police can also get involved if the noise from the repairs is causing a nuance to neighbours!

khajiit13 · 09/10/2017 21:49

Based on everything in your posts I would really hate to live next to you.

MamaOfTwos · 09/10/2017 21:52

You're raising an entitled little shit and chav to boot with your attitude. Everyone unanimously says YABU but you don't see it. Your poor neighbours.

MaisyPops · 09/10/2017 21:52

From what I see, it doesn't btoher you, but:

You used to let him and his mates be out there until almost midnight

He drives a vehicle with a loud exhaust around early in the morning (not comparable at all to lawn mowing or closing a car door twice)

You also say that they used to play music etc when they were out there but you've got them to stop that now.

I'm afraid the damage has been done and the neighbours are at the straw that breaks the camels back territory. They've already had months of this, groups of lads at all hours, playing music, revving engines etc, probably talking reasonably loud to be heard over music and engines. It's a housing estate, not a lads garage for their toys.

They are being antisocial, but I don't think you're interested in hearing that.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 09/10/2017 21:54

Oh god, he needed to be told to stop making a racket outside post 9pm? He needed to be told to not play loud music when driving up late at night?

You know you're being ridiculous. Your neighbours aren't reacting to one gentle evening of mild noise at 6.30pm. They're at the end of their tether with an antisocial wanker who thinks his right to come and go as loudly as he pleases trumps everyone else's right to quiet enjoyment of their home. And you are enabling him in this.

I am so glad you don't live near me!!!

Smartiepants87 · 09/10/2017 21:55

Are you my ndn? Her son blasts his music on full volume including base (in a rather nice quiet area as standard they are the only noisy ones) whilst he washes his precious car which is loud. They also blast their music so loud during the day and evening I can't hear my tv and disturb my children when they go to bed. Why should they go to school tired because of someone being so inconsiderate? Surely any decent person would take the complaints on the head and do something about it for a pleasant life all round.

llangennith · 09/10/2017 21:57

It would piss me right off.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/10/2017 22:00

Well, as long as it doesn't annoy you, that's ok then.... Hmm

Lucyccfc · 09/10/2017 22:02

Your son and his friends give decent teenagers a bad name.

I think it would be a nightmare living next to you I'm afraid, especially as you defend their anti-social behaviour.

It's a shame the neighbour lost his temper and shouted - he should have gone down the civilised route and kept a diary for environmental health and eventually they would have come and removed the offending noise - the car!

trytobebestdad · 09/10/2017 22:02

tehmina23 your neighbour sounds awesome!

TeachesOfPeaches · 09/10/2017 22:03

Do you live on the estate in Shameless?

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2017 22:06

Poor neighbours, I can't imagine anything more annoying, than car noise.,

Sara107 · 09/10/2017 22:08

We had a loud motorbike a few doors up, owner doing shift work. So either coming home in the middle of the night, or leaving very early in the morning. And it does get very annoying- it's not like a car that you can just sleep through. So I'm not too surprised if people have got irritated by multiple loud cars and motorbikes at all hours. Although I don't think getting drunk and making a scene is a good way to solve the problem!

Shakirasma · 09/10/2017 22:09

My NDN has a grandson who comes to visit her on his motorbike. Every time he arrives he sits and revs the nuts off it for a couple of minutes before he turns the engine off. I don't know why but it drives me nuts as its so loud and intrusive. Me and DH have nicknamed him Rev.

But it's only a couple of times a week so not worth causing an upset with our neighbour over. But if it was like you describe OP I would be feeling positively murderous!

Gazelda · 09/10/2017 22:09

My elderly parents have neighbours like you and your DS. Neither drink though, so they can’t be your neighbours.

They’ve been driven to distraction by cars revving, music blaring, pathways being blocked, loud teens chatting and laughing loudly, intimidating groups, cars coming and going at all hours.

My parents never know when they’re going to have a good nights sleep. They are, as a consequence, bloody grumpy. They feel as though they couldn’t have their windows open in the height of summer. Couldn’t enjoy restful sleep. Couldn’t watch tv in the evenings because they kept being disturbed by noisy exhausts.

It has escalated into a very unhappy neighbour situation. Other neighbours have complained, only to be met with a mouthful of abuse. So no one feels able to complain now. They live in sufferance. All because of neighbours like you.

SpamBurrito · 09/10/2017 22:14

It's all been said. They likely drove that poor neighbour to drink. It's probably the only way anyone can get to sleep. Sounds like a gaggle of rowdy unsocialised arrogant twerps.