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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to defend my son against complaints from neighbours

200 replies

Debdiamond · 09/10/2017 20:42

My son and his friends often mend their cars and motorbikes outside our house. Most of these vehicles are a bit noisy but all are legal. After neighbours complained about the noise late at night, I have asked him to stop at 9pm and he has. However, he does still come and go a couple of times during the evening and usually comes home at 11.30pm. He then leaves the house for work 4 days a week at 5.45am.

This evening, one of the neighbours came around in a drunken rage, shouting, swearing and bawling at them about the noise 'at this time of night'. It was 6.30pm.

I'm the first to moan at him if he's being a pain but as I pointed out to her, it was hardly late. A friend of hers then joined the argument and accused me of 'sticking up for my son', which I was, as I don't think he's doing anything wrong! They then said that most of the immediate neighbours are complaining although only one other person has said anything to me, and that was about a noisy motorbike, which my son had sold a couple of weeks before. Turns out he was being blamed for another noisy motorbike in the area (nothing to do with him).

I pointed out to them that lots of people around here annoy me, kids screaming and crying, gangs of young children playing in the street, dogs barking, people mowing their lawn at 8am on Sunday mornings, (not to mention neighbours who spend half their lives getting drunk) but I don't go kicking off about it. It's an estate where lots of people live so there will be noise so I just accept it. And if the noise was going to bother anyone, surely being right outside mine and my daughters bedrooms, it would get on our nerves before theirs.

As far as I'm concerned they are group of teenage boys doing what teenagers do. They are not particularly rowdy, they don't do drugs or terrorise old ladies and they don't go around stealing anything. They could be a lot worse.

Any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Ceto · 09/10/2017 22:21

No massive exhaust, but a loud one. However, no louder than the one that drove away as he was sitting there being shouted at (which was nothing to do with us).

You do realise that the existence of another bike with a loud exhaust doesn't make your son's any easier to bear at 11.30 p.m. or 5.45 a.m., don't you?

Crumbs1 · 09/10/2017 22:26

Unbelievable. It's a joke isn't it? Nobody would really think this was acceptable behaviour would they? Nobody would support such a selfish young man in his antisocial activities.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/10/2017 22:53

How much fixing does a car need?

IME it's not so much about what needs doing - more that, for this age group, a souped up car (and matching stereo) is a willy substitute

And fiddling with either is likely to be equally appealing

Ttbb · 09/10/2017 22:59

YABU. What your son is doing in v annoying, until he does it at 5:45 in the bloody morning-that's just dickish. Likewise even at 9 pm it's inconsiderate, some of us have children/don't want to listen to the sound of chavy cars all evening you know

Original poster
Debdiamond · 09/10/2017 23:03

So driving to work at 5.45 am is dickish is it? Maybe he should claim dole instead and then he could tinker with his car at a more reasonable time so it might not upset the neighbour who sits constantly in her garden getting drunk, trying to work out who to have a go at next!

OP posts:
Creambun2 · 09/10/2017 23:07

Having cars with non original exhausted that are fitted purely to make more noise is dickish.

Blahblahboo · 09/10/2017 23:13

You know he is in the wrong. You have admitted that he did play veryloud music and do it till very late. The banging, revving, music etc would have had me complaining long ago.
Also have you thought that maybe his friends cars are been a nuisance by taking up the road and stopping residents from parking?

JassyRadlett · 09/10/2017 23:13

Having cars with non original exhausted that are fitted purely to make more noise is dickish

Particularly when you know you will use that car to drive to and from work at times most people are asleep.

affectionincoldclimate · 09/10/2017 23:15

The entire thread is telling YABU but you’re still clutching at straws OP. Your neighbour’s drinking is irrelevant. Although I could have turned to drink if I lived next door to a makeshift garage with bunch of young men revving up souped up Vauxhall Corsa just as I wanted to relax after day’s work.

MrsCrabbyTree · 09/10/2017 23:23

Legal or not, excessively loud or not - engines being tinkered with and revved and many comings and goings are annoying when it happens regularly. They just are.

My housemate (who is leaving tomorrow thank goodness) fiddles with his motor cycle every day. Tinker, rev, tinker, rev then a test ride down the street a few times. Bikes are louder than most cars and it really gets on your nerves. I am very fortunate that my neighbours haven't said anything but if housemate had not planned on moving out he would have been asked to stop the tinkering and revving in consideration of our neighbours.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 09/10/2017 23:28

Suggest to your son and his mates that they club together to hire a garage for their tinkering.

Regardless of your insistence that it’s ok, that much faffing about is really unpleasant for people to have to live with. Trotting our the “they’re worse because...” line just makes you sound petty. It’s not a race to the bottom.

ADishBestEatenCold · 09/10/2017 23:36

It sounds as if he (and his friends) are doing vehicle maintenance (rather than repairing a breakdown) and so may be breaking the law.

"If it is a one off repair then this is not likely to breach the law but anyone who repeatedly repairs vehicles on the road is likely to commit an offence."

From Ask the Police website.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 09/10/2017 23:39

I don't think yab as unreasonable as people are saying. Posters are adding their own embellishments about constant revving which you have said isn't happening.
I think that 8:30 is probably a more sociable time to finish the tinkering though. And possibly a couple of hours earlier than that if you have neighbours with young children.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 09/10/2017 23:39

The op has said it's in her garden. Not on the road.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 09/10/2017 23:42

If it’s loud and regular it’s still quite antisocial though Corbyn.

Fishface77 · 09/10/2017 23:42

You asked if you/your son were unreasonable.
Many of answered yes so now the passive aggressive comments have started.
Grow up.
Your son and his mates should find somewhere else.
Your neighbour probably drinks to get away from the noise.
The noise doesn't bother you when it's of your own making but you complain about the neighbours making a noise at 630?
Yabu.
Move preferably with no neighbours in a 5 mile radius.

Blahblahboo · 09/10/2017 23:43

"It's in our garden or the dedicated parking area for the row of houses, not on the road. They are fixing their own cars, not as a business"

Dedicated parking area,ie residents parking is being taken up

BuzzKillington · 09/10/2017 23:48

Very, very glad you don't live near me.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 09/10/2017 23:57

How loud are things like changing a wheel though which is what the op has said is happening.
And I'd sooner hear someone leaving/coming home from work with a noisy engine than long periods of child/dog noise so I think the op is well within her rights to question why it only her who is required to be quiet.
I know you have said that your son no longer blasts his music op but do his friends? You can't tell them what to do but if they are visiting your son the neighbours are going to hold you responsible.

WhatsWineGotToDoWithIt · 09/10/2017 23:59

Not quite the same circumstances but I currently have a teenage lad making my life hell at home with his mates and his noise. Like your neighbours, I complained to his Mum who did say she would talk to him but it’s a case of does it really take someone to complain to realise your son and his mates are making a god awful antisocial racket late at night?

I got the impression she didn’t really care and thought I was being a moany neighbour. She did say something I think because the noise has died down later evening but during the day/evening it’s hell in my house hearing their noise. Tonight the lad was out and it made such a difference! Then about half 8 I saw him pull up with a mate and I felt a massive panic/anxiety feeling. I have been drinking a lot more too to cope with it all tbh. I’m going to move hopefully but I’m the meantime I have a 19/20 year old lad making me not wanna to come home.

So please be considerate to your neighbours. You probably tolerate his noise more easily but your neighbours are probably plagued with anxiety from it all.

Wolfiefan · 09/10/2017 23:59

It's not mending their cars though. It's broken. You mend it. End of. It's endlessly and noisily tinkering at all hours. Blaring music and loud exhausts.
Sounds grim. And not appropriate in your garden or residential area.
They want to fart about with cars? Rent a garage.

Katyazamo · 10/10/2017 00:04

You asked if he was being unreasonable.

General consensus is he is.

Maybe you should listen?

safariboot · 10/10/2017 00:16

OP, I predict that you've pissed off all your neighbours. Only one has come round shouting and swearing but probably the others would quite like to. Now even though you're trying to be more reasonable in terms of timing, I think the damage is done. Any engine or car noise is going to make the neighbours hate you as they are reminded off all the ruined days and nights they've had.

If you want any chance of restoring good relations with your neighbours, quit the car tinkering on your property. Completely. And insist DS put his car exhaust back to normal.

CakesRUs · 10/10/2017 00:31

I wouldn't like it either, though coming at you in a drunken rage isn't the way forward.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 10/10/2017 00:36

Nope. Driving to work at 5.45 is not dickish. My neighbour works in a bakery and often drives off to work at 4.30. I can occasionally hear him. Not a big deal, he's working to provide for his family.

What is dickish is blasting music and this endless "tinkering" you speak of, and all the myriad ways your son is being a twat. I get why you're being defensive. And I get that your neighbour is a drunk. But your other neighbours aren't all drunks. They all have to put up with your noisy antisocial brat. And if he ever finally moves out to live on his own I guarantee he will be the sort of entitled prick who ruins neighbourhoods with his loud music and obnoxious behaviour. I wish you'd put a stop to it now but clearly you won't.

This is just hitting a nerve with me because I once lived in a part council block where this one asshole would play his trance music loudly every Saturday night from midnight until 6 am, super loud with all his windows open. It took us nearly 2 years to finally have him evicted after repeated complaints. I loved that flat otherwise and hated being harassed in my own home by such an asshole. What gives you the right to inflict this nonsense on your neighbours??